The Complete Works of George Bernard Shaw. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Carbury at a concert at
Wandsworth.”
“Sing! You! The Countess of Barbury! Does she live at Wandsworth?”
“No. She lives in Park Lane.”
“Oh! I beg her pardon.” The man made no comment on this; and she, after looking doubtfully at him to assure herself that he was in earnest, continued, “How does the Countess of Whatshername come to know you, pray?”
“Why not?”
A long pause ensued. Then she said: “Stuff!”, but without conviction. Her exclamation had no apparent effect on him until he had buttoned his waistcoat and arranged his watchchain. Then he glanced at a sheet of pink paper which lay on the mantelpiece. She snatched it at once; opened it; stared incredulously at it; and said, “Pink paper, and scalloped edges! How filthily vulgar! I thought she was not much of a Countess! Ahem! ‘Music for the People. Parnassus Society. A concert will be given at the Town Hall, Wandsworth, on Tuesday, the 25th April, by the Countess of Carbury, assisted by the following ladies and gentlemen. Miss Elinor McQuinch’ — what a name! ‘Miss Marian Lind’ — who’s Miss Marian Lind?”
“How should I know?”
“I only thought, as she is a pal of the Countess, that you would most likely be intimate with her. ‘Mrs. Leith Fairfax.’ There is a Mrs. Leith Fairfax who writes novels, and very rotten novels they are, too. Who are the gentlemen? ‘Mr. Marmaduke Lind’ — brother to Miss Marian, I suppose. ‘Mr. Edward Conolly’ — save the mark! they must have been rather hard up for gentlemen when they put you down as one. The Conolly family is looking up at last. Hm! nearly a dozen altogether. ‘Tickets will be distributed to the families of working men by the Rev. George Lind’ — pity they didnt engage Jenny Lind on purpose to sing with you. ‘A limited number of front seats at one shilling. Please turn over. Part I. Symphony in F: Haydn. Arranged for four English concertinas by Julius Baker. Mr. Julius Baker; Master Julius Abt Baker; Miss Lisette Baker (aged 8); and Miss Totty Baker (aged 6-1/2)’. Good Lord! ‘Song: Rose softly blooming: Spohr. Miss Marian Lind.’ I wonder whether she can sing! ‘Polonaise in A flat major: Chopin’ — what rot! As if working people cared about Chopin! Miss Elinor McQuinch is a fool, I see. ‘Song: The Valley: Gounod.’ Of course: I knew you would try that. Oho! Here’s something sensible at last. ‘Nigger melody. Uncle Ned. Mr. Marmaduke Lind, accompanied by himself on the banjo.’
Dum, drum. Dum, drum. Dum, drum. Dum —
’And there was an ole nigga; and his name was Uncle Ned;
An’ him dead long ago, long ago.
An’ he had no hair on the top of his head
In the place where the wool ought to grow,’
Mr. Marmaduke Lind will get a double encore; and no one will take the least notice of you or the others. ‘Recitation. The Faithful Soul. Adelaide Proctor. Mrs. Leith Fairfax.’ Well, this certainly is a blessed attempt to amuse Wandsworth. Another reading by the Rev. — —”
Here Conolly, who had been putting on his overcoat, picked the program deftly from his sister’s fingers, and left the room. She, after damning him very heartily, returned to the glass, and continued dressing, taking her tea at intervals until she was ready to go out, when she sent for a cab, and bade the driver convey her to the Bijou Theatre, Soho.
Conolly, on arriving at the Wandsworth Town Hall, was directed to a committee room, which served as greenroom on this occasion. He was greeted by a clean shaven young clergyman who protested that he was glad to see him there, but did not offer his hand. Conolly thanked him briefly, and went without further ceremony to the table, and was about to place his hat and overcoat on a heap of similar garments, when, observing that there were some hooks along the wall, he immediately crossed over and hung up his things on them, thereby producing an underbred effect of being more prudent and observant than the rest. Then he looked at his program, and calculated how soon his turn to sing would come. Then he unrolled his music, and placed two copies of Le Vallon ready to his hand upon the table. Having made these arrangements with a self-possession that quite disconcerted the clergyman, he turned to examine the rest of the company.
His first glance was arrested by the beauty of a young lady with light brown hair and gentle grey eyes, who sat near the fire. Beside her, on a lower chair, was a small, lean, and very restless young woman with keen dark eyes staring defiantly from a worn face. These two were attended by a jovial young gentleman with curly auburn hair, who was twanging a banjo, and occasionally provoking an exclamation of annoyance from the restless girl by requesting her opinion of his progress in tuning the instrument. Near them stood a tall man, dark and handsome. He seemed unused to his present circumstances, and contemptuous, not of the company nor the object for which they were assembled, but in the abstract, as if habitual contempt were part of his nature.
The clergyman, who had just conducted to the platform an elderly professor in a shabby frock coat, followed by three well-washed children, each of whom carried a concertina, now returned and sat down beside a middleaged lady, who made herself conspicuous by using a gold framed eyeglass so as to convey an impression that she was an exceedingly keen observer.
“It is fortunate that the evening is so fine,” said the clergyman to her.
“Yes, is it not, Mr. Lind?”
“My throat is always affected by bad weather, Mrs. Leith Fairfax. I shall be so handicapped by the inevitable comparison of my elocution with yours, that I am glad the weather is favorable to me, though the comparison is not.”
“No,” said Mrs. Fairfax, with decision. “I am not in the least an orator. I can repeat a poem: that is all. Oh! I hope I have not broken my glasses.” They had slipped from her nose to the floor. Conolly picked them up and straightened them with one turn of his fingers.
“No harm done, madam,” said he, with a certain elocutionary correctness, and rather in the strong voice of the workshop than the subdued one of the drawingroom, handing the glasses to her ceremoniously as he spoke.
“Thank you. You are very kind, very kind indeed.”
Conolly bowed, and turned again toward the other group.
“Who is that?” whispered Mrs. Fairfax to the clergyman.
“Some young man who attracted the attention of the Countess by his singing. He is only a workman.”
“Indeed! Where did she hear him sing?”
“In her son’s laboratory, I believe. He came there to put up some electrical machinery, and sang into a telephone for their amusement. You know how fond Lord Jasper is of mechanics. Jasper declares that he is a genius as an electrician. Indeed it was he, rather than the Countess, who thought of getting him to sing for us.”
“How very interesting! I saw that he was clever when he spoke to me. There is so much in trifles — in byplay, Mr. Lind. Now, his manner of picking up my glass had his entire history in it. You will also see it in the solid development of his head. That young man deserves to be encouraged.”
“You are very generous, Mrs. Leith Fairfax. It would not be well to encourage him too much, however. You must recollect that he is not used to society. Injudicious encouragement might perhaps lead him to forget his real place in it.”
“I do not agree with you, Mr. Lind. You do not read human nature as I do. You know that I am an expert. I see men as he sees a telegraph instrument, quite uninfluenced by personal feeling.”
“True, Mrs. Leith Fairfax. But the heart is deceitful above all things and des — at least I should say — er. That is, you will admit that the finest perception may err in its estimate of the inscrutable work of the Almighty.”
“Doubtless. But really, Mr. Lind, human beings are so shallow! I assure you there is nothing at all inscrutable about them to a trained analyst of character. It may be a gift, perhaps; but people’s minds are to me only little machines made up of superficial motives.”
“I say,” said the young gentleman with