An Autobiography. Annie Wood Besant
to my task. My method was as follows:—
MATTHEW. | MARK. | LUKE. | JOHN. | | | PALM SUNDAY. | PALM SUNDAY. | PALM SUNDAY. | PALM SUNDAY. | | | Rode into | Rode into | Rode into | Rode into Jerusalem. | Jerusalem. | Jerusalem. | Jerusalem. Purified the | Returned to | Purified the | Spoke in Temple. Returned | Bethany. | Temple. | the Temple. to Bethany. | | Note: "Taught | | | daily in the | | | temple." | | | | MONDAY. | MONDAY. | MONDAY. | MONDAY. | | | Cursed the | Cursed the | Like Matthew. | ---- fig-tree. | fig-tree. | | Taught in the | Purified the | | Temple, and spake | Temple. Went | | many parables. | out of city. | | No breaks shown, | | | but the fig-tree | | | (xxi.19) did not | | | wither till | | | Tuesday (see | | | Mark). | | | | | | TUESDAY. | TUESDAY. | TUESDAY. | TUESDAY. | | | All chaps. xxi. | Saw fig-tree | Discourses | ---- 20, xxii.-xxv., | withered up. | No date | spoken on | Then . | shown. | Tuesday, for xxvi. | discourses | | 2 gives Passover | | | as "after two | | | days." | | | | | | WEDNESDAY. | WEDNESDAY. | WEDNESDAY. | WEDNESDAY. | | | Blank. | ---- | ---- | ---- (Possibly remained in Bethany; the alabaster box of oinment.) | | | THURSDAY. | THURSDAY. | THURSDAY. | THURSDAY. | | | Preparation of | Same as Matt.| Same as Matt. | Discourses Passover. Eating | | | with disciples, of Passover, and | | | but ''before'' the institution of the | | | Passover. Washes Holy Eucharist. | | | the disciples' Gethsemane. | | | feet. Nothing Betrayal by Judas. | | | said of Holy Led captive to | | | Eucharist, nor Caiaphas. Denied | | | of agony in by St. Peter. | | | Gethsemane. | | | Malchus' ear. | | | Led captive to | | | Annas first. | | | Then to Caiaphas. | | | Denied | | | by St. Peter. | | | FRIDAY. | FRIDAY. | FRIDAY. | FRIDAY | | | Led to Pilate. | As Matthew, | Led to | Taken to Judas hangs | but hour of | Pilate. Sent | Pilate. Jews himself. Tried. | crucifixion | to Herod. | would not enter, Condemned to | given, | Sent back to | that they death. Scourged | 9 a.m. | Pilate. Rest | might eat and mocked. Led | | as in | the Passover. to crucifixion. | | Matthew; but | Scourged by Darkness from 12 | | one | Pilate before to 3. Died at 3. | | malefactor | condemnation, | | repents. | and mocked. Shown | | | by Pilate to | | | Jews at 12.
I became uneasy as I proceeded with my task, for discrepancies leaped at me from my four columns; the uneasiness grew as the contradictions increased, until I saw with a shock of horror that my "harmony" was a discord, and a doubt of the veracity of the story sprang up like a serpent hissing in my face. It was struck down in a moment, for to me to doubt was sin, and to have doubted on the very eve of the Passion was an added crime. Quickly I assured myself that these apparent contradictions were necessary as tests of faith, and I forced myself to repeat Tertullian's famous "Credo quia impossible," till, from a wooden recital, it became a triumphant affirmation. I reminded myself that St. Peter had said of the Pauline Epistles that in them were "some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest … unto their own destruction." I shudderingly recognised that I must be very unlearned and unstable to find discord among the Holy Evangelists, and imposed on myself an extra fast as penance for my ignorance and lack of firmness in the faith. For my mental position was one to which doubt was one of the worst of sins. I knew that there were people like Colenso, who questioned the infallibility of the Bible, but I remembered how the Apostle John had fled from the Baths when Cerinthus entered them, lest the roof should fall on the heretic, and crush any one in his neighbourhood, and I looked on all heretics with holy horror. Pusey had indoctrinated me with his stern hatred of all heresy, and I was content to rest with him on that faith, "which must be old because it is eternal, and must be unchangeable because it is true." I would not even read the works of my mothers favourite Stanley, because he was "unsound," and because Pusey had condemned his "variegated use of words which destroys all definiteness of meaning"—a clever and pointed description, be it said in passing, of the Dean's exquisite phrases, capable of so many readings. It can then be imagined with what a stab of pain this first doubt struck me, and with what haste I smothered it up, buried it, and smoothed the turf over its grave. But it had been there, and it left its mark.
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