The Best of Knut Hamsun. Knut Hamsun
for an instant without answering. Then her cheeks began to flame; she started to get up and said quickly:
"But isn't it time to go?"
"No!" he exclaimed. "No, don't go!" He took hold of her dress, flung his arm around her, and held her back. She struggled with face aglow, laughing uncertainly, making vain efforts to free herself.
"You must be crazy," she said again and again; "have you completely forgotten yourself?"
"Please, let me at least tell you something!"
"Well, what is it?" she asked and sat still; she turned her face away, but she listened.
And he began speaking rapidly and incoherently; his heart-beats trembled in his voice, which was persuasive and full of tenderness. She could see that all he wanted was to make her understand how unspeakably he loved her; how he had been conquered, subdued as never before. She must believe him; it had lain dormant and grown in his heart since the very first time he met her. He had fought and struggled to keep his feelings within bounds; but it was true—such a struggle was not very effective. It was too sweet to yield, and so one yielded. One fought on with a steadily slipping grip. And now the end had come; he could not fight any more, he was entirely disarmed…. "I believe my breast will burst asunder."…
Still leaning away from him, she had turned her face and was gazing at him while he spoke. Her hands had ceased their ineffectual efforts and were now resting on his, tightly clasped around her waist; she saw the blood leap through the veins along his throat. She straightened up and sat erect; his hands were still around her, but she did not seem to notice it now. She seized her gloves and said with quivering lips:
"But, Irgens, you should not say such things to me. You know you shouldn't. It is sad, but I cannot help it now."
"No, you are right; I don't suppose I ought to have said it, but—" He gazed at her; his lips were trembling too. "But, Miss Aagot, what would you do if your love made you weak and powerless; if it robbed you of your senses and blinded you to everything else? I mean—"
"Yes, but say nothing more!" she interrupted. "I understand you in a way, but—You know, I cannot listen to this." She looked at the arms around her waist, and with a sudden jerk she moved away and got up.
She was still so confused that she remained standing immobile; she did not even brush the heather from her dress. And when he got up she made no effort to go, but remained where she was.
"Listen, I want you to promise not to tell this to anybody. I am afraid— And you must not think of me any more. I had no idea that you really cared; of course, I thought that you liked me very much—I had begun to think that; but I never thought—'How could he care for me?' I always thought. If you want me to I will go back to Torahus and stay there awhile."
He was deeply moved; he swallowed hard and his eyes grew moist. This delicious simplicity, these candid words, her very attitude, which was free from fear and entirely unaffected—his feelings flared up in him like a consuming flame: No, no, not to Torahus—only stay! He would control himself, would show her that he could control himself; she must not go away. Even should he lose his mind and perish altogether—rather that, if she would only stay!
He continued talking while he was brushing off her dress. She must pardon him; he was not like everybody else, he was a poet; when it came over him he must yield. But he would give her no further cause for complaint if she would only stay…. Wouldn't she mind going away the least little bit, though? No, of course, he had no false illusions.
Pause. He was waiting for her to answer, to contradict him; perhaps she would go to Torahus a little regretfully after all? But she remained silent. Did she, then, hold him in so slight regard? Impossible! Still, the thought began to worry him; he felt aggrieved, hurt, almost slighted. He repeated his question: Did all his love for her not call forth the tiniest responsive spark in her heart?
She answered gently and sorrowfully:
"Please do not ask. What do you think Ole would say if he heard you?"
Ole? He had not given him a thought. Did he really play the role of competitor to Ole Henriksen? It was too ridiculous. He could not believe that she meant what she had said. Ole might be all right as far as that went; he bought and sold, went his peddler rounds through life, paid his bills and added dollars to his hoard. That was all. Did money really matter so much to her? God knows, perhaps even this girlish little head had its concealed nook where thoughts were figuring in crowns and pennies!
Irgens was silent for an instant; he felt the pangs of jealousy. Ole might be able to hold her; he was tall and blue-eyed—perhaps she even preferred him?
"Ole?" he said. "I do not care in the least what he would say. Ole does not exist for me; it is you I love."
She seemed startled for the first time; she frowned a little and began to walk away.
"This is too contemptible!" she said. "I wish you hadn't said that. So it is me you love? Well, don't tell me any more about it."
"Miss Aagot—one word only. Don't you care the least little bit for me?"
He had seized her arm; she had to look at him. He was too violent; he did not control himself as he had promised; he was not very handsome now.
She answered: "I love Ole; I hope you understand that."
The sun sank deeper. People had left the island; only an occasional late straggler was still seen walking along the road toward the city. Irgens did not ask questions any more; he spoke only when necessary. Aagot tried in vain to start a conversation; she had all she could do to keep her heart under control.
When they were in the boat again he said: "Perhaps you would have preferred to drive back alone? I may be able to find a hackman for you, if you like."
"Now don't be angry any more!" she said.
She could hardly keep her eyes from brimming over; she forced herself to think of indifferent matters in order to regain control over herself; she gazed back toward the island, followed the flight of a bird that sailed gracefully above the water. She asked:
"Is that water over there?"
"No," he answered; "it is a meadow; the dew makes it look dark."
"Imagine! To me it looked like water." But as it was impossible to talk further about this green meadow they were both silent.
He was rowing hard; they approached the docks. He landed and jumped out to help her ashore. Neither of them had gloves on; her warm hand rested in his, and she took the opportunity of thanking him for the trip.
"I want to ask you to forget that I have bothered you with my heart troubles," he said.
And he lifted his hat, without waiting for an answer, jumped into the boat, and pushed off.
She had stopped at the head of the steps. She saw that he went back into the boat, and wanted to call to him and ask where he was going; but she gave it up. He saw her fair form disappear across the jetty.
He had in reality not intended to do this; he acted on the spur of the moment, embarrassed as he was, hardly knowing what he was doing. He seized the oars and rowed out again, towards the island. The evening was wondrously calm. Now, when he was alone, he realised how deep was his despair; another disappointment, another fall, the very worst! And not a star in the murky night! He suddenly remembered Hanka, who probably had looked for him to-day; who perhaps was seeking him even now. No; Hanka was not fair; Hanka was dark; she did not radiate, but she allured. But how was it—didn't she walk a little peculiarly? No, Hanka did not have Aagot's carriage. And why was it her laugh no longer made his blood tingle?
He rested on the oars and let the boat drift. It grew darker. Fragmentary thoughts drifted through his brain: a rudderless ship on the buffeting waves, an emperor in defeat, King Lear, thoughts and thoughts. He went aft and began to write on the back of some envelopes, verse upon verse. Thank God, nothing could rob him of his talent! And this thought sent a thrill of warm happiness coursing