The Complete Works of H. C. McNeile "Sapper". Sapper
you fellows," continued Hugh, "that last night we were done down, trampled on, had for mugs by a crowd of dirty blackguards composed largely of the dregs of the universe?"
"A veritable Solomon," said Algy, gazing at him admiringly through his eyeglass. "I told you this morning I detested your friends."
"Has it still further struck you," went on Hugh, a trifle grimly, "that we aren't standing for it? At any rate, I'm not. It's my palaver this, you fellows, and if you like ... Well, there's no call on you to remain in the game. I mean—er——"
"Yes, we're waiting to hear what the devil you do mean," said Toby uncompromisingly.
"Well—er," stammered Hugh, "there's a big element of risk—er—don't you know, and there's no earthly reason why you fellows should get roped in and all that. I mean—er—I'm sort of pledged to see the thing through, don't you know, and——" He relapsed into silence, and stared at the tablecloth, uncomfortably aware of three pairs of eyes fixed on him.
"Well—er——" mimicked Algy, "there's a big element of risk—er—don't you know, and I mean—er—we're sort of pledged to bung you through the window, old bean, if you talk such consolidated drivel."
Hugh grinned sheepishly.
"Well, I had to put it to you fellows. Not that I ever thought for a moment you wouldn't see the thing through—but last evening is enough to show you that we're up against a tough crowd. A damned tough crowd," he added thoughtfully. "That being so," he went on briskly, after a moment or two, "I propose that we should tackle the blighters to-night."
"To-night!" echoed Darrell. "Where?"
"At The Elms, of course. That's where the wretched Potts is for a certainty."
"And how do you propose that we should set about it?" demanded Sinclair.
Drummond drained his port and grinned gently.
"By stealth, dear old beans—by stealth. You—and I thought we might rake in Ted Jerningham, and perhaps Jerry Seymour, to join the happy throng—will make a demonstration in force, with the idea of drawing off the enemy, thereby leaving the coast clear for me to explore the house for the unfortunate Potts."
"Sounds very nice in theory," said Darrell dubiously, "but..."
"And what do you mean by a demonstration?" said Longworth. "You don't propose we should sing carols outside the drawing-room window, do you?"
"My dear people," Hugh murmured protestingly, "surely you know me well enough by now to realise that I can't possibly have another idea for at least ten minutes. That is just the general scheme; doubtless the mere vulgar details will occur to us in time. Besides, it's someone else's turn now." He looked round the table hopefully.
"We might dress up or something," remarked Toby Sinclair, after a lengthy silence.
"What in the name of Heaven is the use of that?" said Darrell witheringly. "It's not private theatricals, nor a beauty competition."
"Cease wrangling, you two," said Hugh suddenly, a few moments later. "I've got a perfect cerebral hurricane raging. An accident.... A car.... What is the connecting-link.... Why, drink. Write it down, Algy, or we might forget. Now, can you beat that?"
"We might have some chance," said Darrell kindly, "if we had the slightest idea what you were talking about."
"I should have thought it was perfectly obvious," returned Hugh coldly. "You know, Peter, your worry is that you're too quick on the uptake. Your brain is too sharp."
"How do you spell connecting?" demanded Algy, looking up from his labours. "And, anyway, the damn pencil won't write."
"Pay attention, all of you," said Hugh. "To-night, some time about ten of the clock, Algy's motor will proceed along the Godalming-Guildford road. It will contain you three—also Ted and Jerry Seymour, if we can get 'em. On approaching the gate of The Elms, you will render the night hideous with your vocal efforts. Stray passers-by will think that you are all tight. Then will come the dramatic moment, when, with a heavy crash, you ram the gate."
"How awfully jolly!" spluttered Algy. "I beg to move that your car be used for the event."
"Can't be done, old son," laughed Hugh. "Mine's faster than yours, and I'll be wanting it myself. Now—to proceed. Horrified at this wanton damage to property, you will leave the car and proceed in mass formation up the drive."
"Still giving tongue?" queried Darrell.
"Still giving tongue. Either Ted or Jerry or both of 'em will approach the house and inform the owner in heart-broken accents that they have damaged his gatepost. You three will remain in the garden—you might be recognised. Then it will be up to you. You'll have several men all round you. Keep 'em occupied—somehow. They won't hurt you; they'll only be concerned with seeing that you don't go where you're not wanted. You see, as far as the world is concerned, it's just an ordinary country residence. The last thing they want to do is to draw any suspicion on themselves—and, on the face of it, you are merely five convivial wanderers who have looked on the wine when it was red. I think," he added thoughtfully, "that ten minutes will be enough for me...."
"What will you be doing?" said Toby.
"I shall be looking for Potts. Don't worry about me. I may find him; I may not. But when you have given me ten minutes—you clear off. I'll look after myself. Now is that clear?"
"Perfectly," said Darrell, after a short silence. "But I don't know that I like it, Hugh. It seems to me, old son, that you're running an unnecessary lot of risk."
"Got any alternative?" demanded Drummond.
"If we're all going down," said Darrell, "why not stick together and rush the house in a gang?"
"No go, old bean," said Hugh decisively. "Too many of 'em to hope to pull it off. No, low cunning is the only thing that's got an earthly of succeeding."
"There is one other possible suggestion," remarked Toby slowly. "What about the police? From what you say, Hugh, there's enough in that house to jug the whole bunch."
"Toby!" gasped Hugh. "I thought better of you. You seriously suggest that we should call in the police! And then return to a life of toping and ease! Besides," he continued, removing his eyes from the abashed author of this hideous suggestion, "there's a very good reason for keeping the police out of it. You'd land the girl's father in the cart, along with the rest of them. And it makes it so devilish awkward if one's father-in-law is in prison!"
"When are we going to see this fairy?" demanded Algy.
"You, personally, never. You're far too immoral. I might let the others look at her from a distance in a year or two." With a grin he rose, and then strolled towards the door. "Now go and rope in Ted and Jerry, and for the love of Heaven don't ram the wrong gate."
"What are you going to do yourself?" demanded Peter suspiciously.
"I'm going to look at her from close to. Go away, all of you, and don't listen outside the telephone box."
III
Hugh stopped his car at Guildford station and, lighting a cigarette, strolled restlessly up and down. He looked at his watch a dozen times in two minutes; he threw away his smoke before it was half finished. In short he manifested every symptom usually displayed by the male of the species when awaiting the arrival of the opposite sex. Over the telephone he had arranged that SHE should come by train from Godalming to confer with him on a matter of great importance; SHE had said she would, but what was it? He, having no suitable answer ready, had made a loud buzzing noise indicative of a telephone exchange in pain, and then rung off. And now he was waiting in that peculiar condition of mind which reveals itself outwardly in hands that are rather too warm, and feet that are rather too cold.
"When is this bally train likely to arrive?" He accosted a phlegmatic official, who regarded him coldly, and doubted the likelihood of its being more than a quarter of an hour early.