Poor Relations. Compton Mackenzie
aren't," Harold affirmed in a lofty tone. Then after a minute he added: "I thought perhaps you were looking for the present you brought me from America."
John turned pale and made up his mind to creep unobserved after lunch into the market town of Galton and visit the local toyshop. It would be an infernal nuisance, but it served him right for omitting to bring presents either for his nephew or his niece.
"You're too smart," he said nervously to Harold. "Present time will be after tea." The sentence sounded contradictory somehow, and he changed it to "the time for presents will be five o'clock."
"Why?" Harold asked.
John was saved from answering by a tap at the door, followed by the entrance of Mrs. Curtis.
"Oh, Harold's with you?" she exclaimed, as if it were the most surprising juxtaposition in the world.
"Yes, Harold's with me," John agreed.
"You mustn't let him bother you, but he's been so looking forward to your arrival. When is Uncle coming, he kept asking."
"Did he ask why I was coming?"
Hilda looked at her brother blankly, and John made up his mind to try that look on Harold some time.
"Have you got everything you want?" she asked, solicitously.
"He hasn't got his nailbrush," said Harold.
Hilda assumed an expression of exaggerated alarm.
"Oh dear, I hope it hasn't been lost."
"No, no, no, it'll turn up in one of the glass bottles. I was just telling Harold that I haven't really begun my unpacking yet."
"Uncle John's brought me a present from America," Harold proclaimed in accents of greedy pride.
Hilda seized her brother's hand affectionately.
"Now you oughtn't to have done that. It's spoiling him. It really is. Harold never expects presents."
"What a liar," thought John. "But not a bigger one than I am myself," he supplemented, and then he announced aloud that he must go into Galton after lunch and send off an important telegram to his agent.
"I wonder … " Hilda began, but with an arch look she paused and seemed to thrust aside temptation.
"What?" John weakly asked.
"Why … but no, he might bore you by walking too slowly. Harold," she added, seriously, "if Uncle John is kind enough to take you into Galton with him, will you be a good boy and leave your butterfly net at home?"
"If I may take my air-gun," Harold agreed.
John rapidly went over in his mind the various places where Harold might be successfully detained while he was in the toyshop, decided that the risk would be too great, pulled himself together, and declined the pleasure of his nephew's company on the ground that he must think over very carefully the phrasing of the telegram he had to send, a mental process, he explained, that Harold might distract.
"Another day, darling," said Hilda, consolingly.
"And then I'll be able to take my fishing-rod," said Harold.
"He is so like his poor father," Hilda murmured.
John was thinking sympathetically of the distant Amazonian tribe that had murdered Daniel Curtis, when there was another tap at the door, and Frida crackling loudly in a clean pinafore came in to say that the bell for lunch was just going to ring.
"Yes, dear," said her aunt. "Uncle John knows already. Don't bother him now. He's tired after his journey. Come along, Harold."
"He can have my nailbrush if he likes," Harold offered.
"Run, darling, and get it quickly then."
Harold rushed out of the room and could be heard hustling his cousin all down the corridor, evoking complaints of "Don't, Harold, you rough boy, you're crumpling my frock."
The bell for lunch sounded gratefully at this moment, and John, without even washing his hands, hurried downstairs trying to look like a hungry ogre, so anxious was he to avoid using Harold's nailbrush.
The dining-room at Ambles was a long low room with a large open fireplace and paneled walls; from the window-seats bundles of drying lavender competed pleasantly with the smell of hot kidney-beans upon the table, at the head of which John took his rightful place; opposite to him, placid as an untouched pudding, sat Grandmama. Laurence said grace without being invited after standing up for a moment with an expression of pained interrogation; Edith accompanied his words by making with her forefinger and thumb a minute cruciform incision between two of the bones of her stays, and inclined her head solemnly toward Frida in a mute exhortation to follow her mother's example. Harold flashed his spectacles upon every dish in turn; Emily's waiting was during this meal of reunion colored with human affection.
"Well, I'm glad to be back in England," said John, heartily.
An encouraging murmur rippled round the table from his relations.
"Are these French beans from our own garden?" John asked presently.
"Scarlet-runners," Hilda corrected. "Yes, of course. We never trouble the greengrocer. The frosts have been so light … "
"I haven't got a bean left," said Laurence.
John nearly gave a visible jump; there was something terribly suggestive in that simple horticultural disclaimer.
"Our beans are quite over," added Edith in the astonished voice of one who has tumbled upon a secret of nature. She had a habit of echoing many of her husband's remarks like this; perhaps "echoing" is a bad description of her method, for she seldom repeated literally and often not immediately. Sometimes indeed she would wait as long as half an hour before she reissued in the garb of a personal philosophical discovery or of an exegitical gloss the most casual remark of Laurence, a habit which irritated him and embarrassed other people, who would look away from Edith and mutter a hurried agreement or ask for the salt to be passed.
"I remember," said old Mrs. Touchwood, "that beans were a favorite dish of poor Papa, though I myself always liked peas better."
"I like peas," Harold proclaimed.
"I like peas, too," cried Frida excitedly.
"Frida," said her father, pulling out with a click one of the graver tenor stops in his voice, "we do not talk at table about our likes and dislikes."
Edith indorsed this opinion with a grave nod at Frida, or rather with a solemn inclination of the head as if she were bowing to an altar.
"But I like new potatoes best of all," continued Harold. "My gosh, all buttery!"
Laurence screwed up his eye in a disgusted wince, looked down his nose at his plate, and drew a shocked cork from his throat.
"Hush," said Hilda. "Didn't you hear what Uncle Laurence said, darling?"
She spoke as one speaks to children in church when the organ begins; one felt that she was inspired by social tact rather than by any real reverence for the clergyman.
"Well, I do like new potatoes, and I like asparagus."
Frida was just going to declare for asparagus, too, when she caught her father's eye and choked.
"Evidently the vegetable that Frida likes best," said John, riding buoyantly upon the gale of Frida's convulsions, "is an artichoke."
It is perhaps lucky for professional comedians that rich uncles and judges rarely go on the stage; their occupation might be even more arduous if they had to face such competitors. Anyway, John had enough success with his joke to feel much more hopeful of being able to find suitable presents in Galton for Harold and Frida; and in the silence of exhaustion that succeeded the laughter he broke the news of his having to go into town and dispatch an urgent telegram that very afternoon, mentioning incidentally that he might