The Collected Dramas of George Bernard Shaw (Illustrated Edition). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
you going to turn hard?
TRENCH No: It wont do: You cant get over me that way. You proved to me before that there was no use in being sentimental over that slum shop of ours; and it’s no good your turning round on the philanthropic tack now that you want me to put my capital into your speculation. Ive had my lesson; and I’m going to stick to my present income. It’s little enough for me as it is.
SARTORIUS It really matters nothing to me, Dr Trench, how you decide. I can easily raise the money elsewhere and pay you off. Then, since you are resolved to run no risks, you can invest your £10,000 in Consols and get 250 a year for it instead of 700. [Trench, completely outwitted, stares at them in consternation. Cokane breaks the silence.]
COKANE This is what comes of being avaricious, Harry. Two thirds of your income gone at one blow. And I must say it serves you right.
TRENCH Thats all very fine; but I dont understand it. If you can do this to me, why didnt you do it long ago?
SARTORIUS Because, as I should probably have had to borrow at the same rate, I should have saved nothing; whereas you would have lost over £400 a very serious matter for you. I had no desire to be unfriendly; and even now I should be glad to let the mortgage stand, were it not that the circumstances mentioned by Mr Lickcheese force my hand. Besides, Dr Trench, I hoped for some time that our interests might be joined by closer ties even than those of friendship.
LICKCHEESE [jumping up, relieved] There! Now the murder’s out. Excuse me, Dr Trench. Excuse me, Mr Sartorius: excuse my freedom. Why not Dr Trench marry Miss Blanche, and settle the whole affair that way? [Sensation. Lickcheese sits down triumphant.]
COKANE You forget, Mr Lickcheese, that the young lady, whose taste has to be considered, decisively objected to him.
TRENCH Oh! Perhaps you think she was struck with you.
COKANE I do not say so, Trench. No man of any delicacy would suggest such a thing. You have an untutored mind, Trench, an untutored mind.
TRENCH Well, Cokane : Ive told you my opinion of you already.
COKANE {rising wildly] And I have told you my opinion of you. I will repeat it if you wish. I am ready to repeat it.
LICKCHEESE Come, Mr Sekketerry: You and me, as married men, is out of the ‘unt as far as young ladies is concerned. I know Miss Blanche: She has her father’s eye for business. Explain this job to her; and she’ll make it up with Dr Trench. Why not have a bit of romance in business when it costs nothing? We all have our feelins: We aint mere calculatin machines.
SARTORIUS [revolted] Do you think, Lickcheese, that my daughter is to be made part of a money bargain between you and these gentlemen?
LICKCHEESE Oh come, Sartorius: Dont talk as if you was the only father in the world. I have a daughter too; and my feelins in that matter is just as fine as yours. I propose nothing but what is for Miss Blanche’s advantage and Dr Trench’s.
COKANE Lickcheese expresses himself roughly, Mr Sartorius; but his is a sterling nature; and what he says is to the point. If Miss Sartorius can really bring herself to care for Harry, I am far from desiring to stand in the way of such an arrangement.
TRENCH Why, what have you got to do with it?
LICKCHEESE Easy, Dr Trench, easy. We want your opinion. Are you still on for marrying Miss Blanche if she’s agreeable?
TRENCH [shortly] I dont know that I am. [Sartorius rises indignantly.]
LICKCHEESE Easy one moment, Mr Sartorius. [To Trench:] Come, Dr Trench: You say you dont know that you are. But do you know that you aint? Thats what we want to know.
TRENCH [sulkily] I wont have the relations between Miss Sartorius and myself made part of a bargain. [He rises to leave the table.]
LICKCHEESE [rising] Thats enough: A gentleman could say no less. [Insinuatingly] Now, would you mind me and Cokane and the guvnor steppin into the study to arrange about the lease to the North Thames Iced Mutton Company?
TRENCH Oh, I dont mind. I’m going home. Theres nothing else to say.
LICKCHEESE No, dont go. Only just a minute: me and Cokane will be back in no time to see you home. Youll wait for us, wont you? theres a good fellow!
TRENCH Well, if you wish, yes.
LICKCHEESE [cheerily] Didnt I know you would!
SARTORIUS [at the study door, to Cokane] After you, sir. [Cokane bows formally and goes into the study.]
LICKCHEESE [at the door, aside to Sartorius] You never ad such a managin man as me, Sartorius. [He goes into the study chuckling, followed by Sartorius.]
[Trench, left alone, looks round carefully and listens a moment. Then he goes on tiptoe to the piano and leans upon it with folded arms, gazing at Blanche’s portrait. Blanche herself appears presently at the study door. When she sees how he is occupied, she closes it softly and steals over to him, watching him intently. He rises from his leaning attitude, and takes the portrait from the easel, holding it out before him at arms length; then, taking a second look round to reassure himself that nobcdy is watching him, finds Blanche close upon him. He drops the portrait and stares at her without the least presence of mind.]
BLANCHE [shrewishly] Well? So you have come back here. You have had the meanness to come into this house again. [He flushes and retreats a step. She follows him up remorselessly.] What a poor spirited creature you must be! Why dont you go?
[Red and wincing, he starts huffily to get his hat from the table; but when he turns to the door with it she deliberately gets in his way, so that he has to stop.] I dont want you to stay. [For a moment they stand face to face, quite close to one another, she provocative, taunting, half defying, half inviting him to advance, in a flush of undisguised animal excitement. It suddenly flashes on him that all this ferocity is erotic that she is making love to him. His eye lights up: a cunning expression comes into the corners of his mouth: With a heavy assumption of indifference he walks straight back to his chair, and plants himself in it with his arms folded. She comes down the room after him.]
Blanche But I forgot: You have found that there is some money to be made here. Lickcheese told you. You, who were so disinterested, so independent, that you could not accept anything from my father! [At the end of every sentence she waits to see what execution she has done.] I suppose you will try to persuade me that you have come down here on a great philanthropic enterprise to befriend the poor by having those houses rebuilt, eh? [Trench maintains his attitude and makes no sign.] Yes: when my father makes you do it. And when Lickcheese has discovered some way of making it profitable. Oh, I know papa; and I know you. And for the sake of that, you come back here into the house where you were refused, ordered out. [Trench’s face darkens: her eyes gleam as she sees it.] Aha! you remember that. You know it’s true: You cant deny it. [She sits down, and softens her tone a little as she affects to pity him.] Ah, let me tell you that you cut a poor figure; a very, very poor figure, Harry. [At the word “Harry” he relaxes the fold of his arms; and a faint grin of anticipated victory appears on his face.] And you, too, a gentleman! So highly connected! With such distinguished relations! So particular as to where your money comes from! I wonder at you. I really wonder at you. I should have thought that if your family brought you nothing else, it might at least have brought you some sense of personal dignity. Perhaps you think you look dignified at present, eh? [No reply.] Well, I can assure you that you dont: You look most ridiculous as foolish as a man could look. You dont know what to say; and you dont know what to do. But after all, I really dont see what anyone could say in defence of such conduct. [He looks straight in front of him, and purses up his lips as if whistling. This annoys her; and she becomes affectedly polite.] I am afraid I am in your way, Dr Trench. [She rises.] I shall not intrude on you any longer. You seem so perfectly at home that I need make no apology for leaving you to yourself. [She makes a feint of going to the door; but he does not budge; and she returns and comes behind his chair.] Harry. [He does not turn. She comes a step nearer.] Harry : I want you to answer me a question. [Earnestly, stooping over him] Look me in the face. [No reply.] Do you hear? [Putting her hand on his shoulder] Look me in the face. [He still stares straight in front of him. She