The Collected Dramas of George Bernard Shaw (Illustrated Edition). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
me without a struggle.
GRACE. Yes, it is for you to struggle. I wish you success. (She turns away contemptuously and is going to the dining-room door when Sylvia enters on the opposite side, followed by Cuthbertson and Craven, who come to Julia, whilst Sylvia crosses to Grace.)
SYLVIA. Here I am, sent by the faithful Paramore. He hinted that I’d better bring the elder members of the family too: here they are. What’s the row?
GRACE (quietly). Nothing, dear. There’s no row.
JULIA (hysterically, tottering and stretching out her arms to Craven). Daddy!
CRAVEN (taking her in his arms). My precious! What’s the matter?
JULIA (through her tears). She’s going to have me expelled from the club; and we shall all be disgraced. Can she do it, Daddy?
CRAVEN. Well, really, the rules of this club are so extraordinary that I don’t know. (To Grace.) May I ask, Mrs. Tranfield, whether you have any complaint to make of my daughter’s conduct?
GRACE. Yes, Colonel Craven. I am going to complain to the committee.
SYLVIA. I knew you’d overdo it some day, Julia. (Craven, at a loss, looks at Cuthbertson.)
CUTHBERTSON. Don’t look at me, Dan. Within these walls a father’s influence counts for nothing.
CRAVEN. May I ask the ground of complaint, Mrs. Tranfield?
GRACE. Simply that Miss Craven is essentially a womanly woman, and, as such, not eligible for membership.
JULIA. It’s false. I’m not a womanly woman. I was guaranteed when I joined just as you were.
GRACE. By Mr. Charteris, I think, at your own request. I shall call him as a witness to your thoroughly womanly conduct just now in his presence and Dr. Paramore’s.
CRAVEN. Cuthbertson: are they joking; or am I dreaming?
CUTHBERTSON (grimly). It’s real, Dan: you’re awake.
SYLVIA (taking Craven’s left arm and hugging it affectionately). Dear old Rip Van Winkle!
CRAVEN. Well, Mrs. Tranfield, all I can say is that I hope you will succeed in establishing your complaint, and that Julia may soon see the last of this most outrageous institution. (Sylvia, still caressing his arm, laughs at him; Charteris returns.)
CHARTERIS (at the door). May I come in?
SYLVIA (releasing the Colonel). Yes: you’re wanted here as a witness. (Charteris comes in.) It’s a bad case of womanliness.
GRACE (half aside to him, significantly). You understand. (Julia, watching them jealously, leaves her father and gets close to Charteris. Grace adds aloud) I shall expect your support before the committee.
JULIA. If you have a scrap of manhood you will take my part.
CHARTERIS. But then I shall be expelled for being a manly man. Besides, I’m on the committee myself; I can’t act as judge and witness, too. You must apply to Paramore: he saw it all.
GRACE. Where is Dr. Paramore?
CHARTERIS. Just gone home.
JULIA (with sudden resolution). What is Dr. Paramore’s number in Savile Row?
CHARTERIS. Seventy-nine. (Julia goes out quickly by the staircase door, to their astonishment. Charteris follows her to the door, which swings back in his face, leaving him staring after her through, the glass. Sylvia runs to Grace.)
SYLVIA. Grace: go after her. Don’t let her get beforehand with Paramore. She’ll tell him the most heartbreaking stories about how she’s been treated, and get him round completely.
CRAVEN (floundering). Sylvia! Is that the way to speak of your sister, miss? (Grace squeezes Sylvia’s hand to console her, and sits down calmly. Sylvia posts herself behind Grace’s chair, leaning over the back to watch the ensuing colloquy between the three men.) I assure you, Mrs. Tranfield, Dr. Paramore has just invited us all to take afternoon tea with him; and if my daughter has gone to his house, she is simply taking advantage of his invitation to extricate herself from a very embarrassing scene here. We’re all going there. Come, Sylvia. (He turns to go, followed by Cuthbertson.)
CHARTERIS (in consternation). Stop! (He gets between Craven and Cuthbertson.) What hurry is there? Can’t you give the man time?
CRAVEN. Time! What for?
CHARTERIS (talking foolishly in his agitation). Well, to get a little rest, you know — a busy professional man like that! He’s not had a moment to himself all day.
CRAVEN. But Julia’s with him.
CHARTERIS. Well, no matter: she’s only one person. And she ought to have an opportunity of laying her case before him. As a member of the committee, I think that’s only just. Be reasonable, Craven: give him half an hour.
CUTHBERTSON (sternly). What do you mean by this, Charteris?
CHARTERIS. Nothing, I assure you. Only common consideration for poor Paramore.
CUTHBERTSON. You’ve some motive. Craven: I strongly advise that we go at once. (He grasps the door handle.)
CHARTERIS (coaxingly). No, no. (He puts his hand persuasively on Craven’s arm, adding) It’s not good for your liver, Craven, to rush about immediately after lunch.
CUTHBERTSON. His liver’s cured. Come on. Craven. (He opens the door.)
CHARTERIS (catching Cuthbertson by the sleeve). Cuthbertson, you’re mad. Paramore’s going to propose to Julia. We must give him time: he’s not the man to come to the point in three minutes as you or I would. (Turning to Craven) Don’t you see? — that will get me out of the difficulty we were speaking of this morning — you and I and Cuthbertson. You remember?
CRAVEN. Now, is this a thing to say plump out before everybody, Charteris? Confound it, have you no decency?
CUTHBERTSON (severely). None whatever.
CHARTERIS (turning to Cuthbertson). No — don’t be unkind, Cuthbertson. Back me up. My future, her future, Mrs. Tranfield’s future, Craven’s future, everybody’s future depends on our finding Julia Paramore’s affianced bride when we go over to Savile Row. He’s certain to propose if you’ll only give him time. You know you’re a kindly and sensible man as well as a deucedly clever one, Cuthbertson, in spite of all your nonsense. Say a word for me.
CRAVEN. I’m quite willing to leave the decision to Cuthbertson; and I have no doubt whatever as to what that decision will be. (Cuthbertson carefully shuts the door, and comes back into the room with an air of weighty reflection.)
CUTHBERTSON. I am now going to speak as a man of the world: that is, without moral responsibility.
CRAVEN. Quite so, Jo. Of course.
CUTHBERTSON. Therefore, though I have no sympathy whatever with Charteris’s views, I think we can do no harm by waiting — say ten minutes or so. (He sits down.)
CHARTERIS (delighted). Ah, there’s nobody like you after all, Cuthbertson, when there’s a difficult situation to be judged.
CRAVEN (deeply disappointed). Oh, well, Jo, if that is your decision, I must keep my word and abide by it. Better sit down and make ourselves comfortable, I suppose. (He sits also, under protest.)
CHARTERIS (fidgeting about). I can’t sit down: I’m too restless. The fact is, Julia has made me so nervous that I can’t answer for myself until I know her decision. Mrs. Tranfield will tell you what a time I’ve had lately. Julia’s really a most determined woman, you know.
CRAVEN (starting up). Well, upon my life! Upon my honor and conscience!! Now really!!! I shall go this instant. Come on, Sylvia. Cuthbertson: I hope you’ll mark your sense of this sort of thing by coming on to Paramore’s with us at once. (He marches to the door.)
CHARTERIS (desperately). Craven: you’re trifling with your daughter’s happiness. I only