Ten Years Among the Mail Bags. James Holbrook
if you will give me a short answer to a short question."
"Wal, if that's all you want, mebbe I can 'commodate yer. 'Taint no use keeping on this ere road. Ef you should drive ever so fast on't, you couldn't never git to G. Cause it don't go there! Wal, you wanted a short answer, so I'll give it to yer. That are beast o' yourn hes some good pints. Wal, ef you. want to git to G.—lemme see—never bin on this road afore, hev you?"
"Of course I haven't," replied I, somewhat testily.
"Then you wouldn't know nothin about the old Hoxie place; no, sartin you wouldn't. Wal, abeout two mild furder on, you'll come to a brick house with four chimblys, jist where another road comes in. You turn to the right by the brick house, and that'll bring you to G."
"How much further is it to G. this way than it is by the direct road?"
"Wal, 'bout four mild."
Upon this, I was about starting, when he called out, "I say, mister, don't you want to trade hosses? I——"
"What yer beout there, Jerry," exclaimed a shrill voice from the house, which could be no other than that of the redoubtable "She"—"not a stick of wood in the house, and you a loafin there on the fence. I tell you——"
Her further remonstrances were lost to me, but I doubt not that the luckless Jerry received a suitable reprimand for his delinquency.
Here I was then, having four miles further to go than the stage, and my horse beginning to show unequivocal signs of fatigue. As the stage driver knew nothing of our plan, the probability was that he would pass the next office long before I could arrive and examine the mail bag. In this emergency. I could think of nothing better than to leave horse and carriage at some place on the road, and obtain a saddle-horse, with which I might succeed in "coming to time." And after turning at the "brick house with four chimblys," I was gladdened by the sight of a tavern some half a mile beyond, to which I hastened with all practicable speed, and lost no time in inquiring whether I could obtain a substitute for my overdriven animal.
The landlord was prompt in answering my demand, and forthwith ordered his hostler to put the saddle upon "Bob." While Bob was being "got up," I found myself the object of many inquisitive looks from the assemblage of tavern loungers, to whom my arrival was a rather unusual windfall; for it was not every day that the intervals between drams were enlivened by such a comet-like approach. The team wagons and other vehicles which frequented the road, and whose motions were as methodical as those of the planets—the tavern being the sun of their system—produced no emotions in the minds of these idlers, like the unexpected appearance of an unknown body like myself, coming no one knew whence, and going no one could tell where. One of two alternatives seemed forced on them by the "hot haste" of my movements. The stranger was either a pursuer or the pursued. If he was the latter, what had he been doing? And if the former, of what had somebody else been guilty? These perplexing questions were settled in a manner apparently satisfactory to them, by the inquiry which I made of the landlord, whether he had seen a man pass that way on horseback, leading another horse, which I described minutely. The anxious audience at once jumped at the conclusion, as I had intended they should, that I was in pursuit of a horse-thief, which impression I took care to strengthen by sundry incidental remarks. It seemed necessary by some such device to prevent all suspicion of my real character and object, in order that if I failed in executing my design this day, the case might stand as well as before.
By this time "Bob" had been saddled and bridled, and issued forth from the stable, equipped for action, under the auspices of the hostler. He (to wit, Bob,) was a stout Canadian pony, rejoicing in a peculiarly shaggy mane, and a tail which was well calculated to add completeness to my comet-like character. He was strong of limb, and evidently quite as competent as any quadruped that could ordinarily be found, to carry me to my destination within the required time.
As soon as I was fairly in the saddle, some one among the small crowd assembled to witness my departure, gave a slight whistle and made a sound something like "he up," whereat the treacherous Bob went through a series of gymnastic performances highly gratifying to the select audience in front of the tavern, and occasioning a display on my part, of equestrian accomplishments which I was never before conscious of possessing. The pony elevated himself upon his hind legs so as to assume an almost perpendicular posture, giving me much the attitude of Napoleon as he is represented in David's well-known picture, "only more so." After standing thus for an instant, he commenced a rotary movement, still upon two legs,
and coming down, reared in the opposite direction a few times, before he saw fit permanently to resume the horizontal position. I, during this period of revolution, hanging by his neck (my main stay,) and losing off my hat in the ardor of my embraces.
While I was thus the sport of circumstances, the spectators indulged in various jocose observations, which then seemed to me exceedingly ill-timed and impertinent. One suggested that I was a Millerite, and was endeavoring to "go up" on horseback, at the same time expressing a desire to know what I would charge for an extra passenger; while another inquired what direction I proposed to take in my pursuit of the imaginary horse-thief; intimating a willingness to be in his place, so far as concerned any danger of being overtaken by me.
"Well done!" exclaimed the jolly landlord, as Bob re-assumed his quadrupedal character.
"No, no," replied I, "there's too much rare meat in him for that."
Under cover of this sally, I made a triumphant retreat, the landlord leading Bob for a little distance, lest he should be inclined to repeat the entire programme. While thus engaged. Boniface explained the conduct of the horse, by informing me that he formerly belonged to a person who had taught him the trick, which he would always attempt to go through with when instigated thereto by such a sound as I heard when I mounted him. With many apologies for the occurrence, "mine host" let go the bridle, and I proceeded to find out what Bob could do with his whole force of legs. This performance was more satisfactory to me than his former one, and as we flew along, his tail and my coat-tails streaming in the air. I seemed to myself an embodiment of the design upon the seal of my commission, and was inwardly amused to think how soon the ideal post-rider and his steed had found their real representatives in the persons of myself and Bob.
In this style we dashed onward, and as I reined in my panting charger before the door of the hotel in G., the stage was just ready to start, the driver being seated on his official throne, whip and reins in hand, looking the picture of impatience. He would have been gone before this, had not the District-Attorney interceded for a short delay. This gentleman was standing in the door of the post-office, appearing very much surprised at my want of punctuality. A hasty explanation produced a smile, and the remark, that it was a "good joke."
A doubt which I suggested, as to the safety of examining the mail in the presence of the post master, was set at rest by my companion, who assured me that he was certain of the integrity of this functionary, and also informed me that he had been made acquainted with the object of our call, before my arrival. The post master being a merchant, there was, among the other miscellaneous articles which compose the stock of a country store, a fair assortment of gentlemen of leisure, sitting upon the counter, and reclining in graceful attitudes upon the boxes and barrels. Our unusual movements inspired them with unwonted vigor, and an ardent desire was manifested on their part to know what hidden mystery lurked within the recesses of the mail-bag, which we were about carrying to a room above, in order to be out of the way of observation. Two of these gentlemen, thirsting for knowledge, hastily formed themselves into a committee of investigation, and followed us up stairs, until they were summarily relieved from the discharge of their self-imposed duties by a peremptory intimation from Mr. Pierce, that we wished to be alone for a short time.
As soon as we had secured ourselves from intrusion, the bag was hastily unlocked, and its contents turned upon the floor. Each package was taken up, separately and carefully examined, but the all-important one, whose absence would indicate unerringly the guilt of the suspected individual, was not there! This was the most trying and responsible moment of all, as it is always found to be in such investigations—the