King Henry IV. William Hazlitt
O Jesu, my lord, my lord,—
PRINCE.
Heigh, heigh! the Devil rides upon a fiddlestick: what’s the matter?
HOST. The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?
FAL. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially mad without seeming so.
PRINCE.
And thou a natural coward, without instinct.
FAL. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.
PRINCE. Go, hide thee behind the arras:—the rest walk, up above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.
FAL. Both which I have had; but their date is out, and therefore I’ll hide me.
PRINCE.
Call in the sheriff.—
[Exeunt all but the Prince and Pointz.]
[Enter Sheriff and Carrier.]
Now, master sheriff, what’s your will with me?
SHER.
First, pardon me, my lord. A hue-and-cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.
PRINCE.
What men?
SHER.
One of them is well known, my gracious lord,—
A gross fat man.
CAR.
As fat as butter.
PRINCE.
The man, I do assure you, is not here;
For I myself at this time have employ’d him.
And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee,
That I will, by tomorrow dinner-time,
Send him to answer thee, or any man,
For any thing he shall be charged withal:
And so, let me entreat you leave the house.
SHER.
I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
PRINCE.
It may be so: if he have robb’d these men,
He shall be answerable; and so, farewell.
SHER.
Good night, my noble lord.
PRINCE.
I think it is good morrow, is it not?
SHER.
Indeed, my lord, I think’t be two o’clock.
[Exit Sheriff and Carrier.]
PRINCE.
This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go, call him forth.
POINTZ. Falstaff!—fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.
PRINCE.
Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
[Pointz searches.]
What hast thou found?
POINTZ.
Nothing but papers, my lord.
PRINCE.
Let’s see what they be: read them.
POINTZ. [reads]
Item, A capon, … … … 2s. 2d.
Item, Sauce, … … … … . . 4d.
Item, Sack two gallons ,… 5s. 8d.
Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d.
Item, Bread, … … … … . .ob.
PRINCE. O monstrous! but one half-pennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we’ll read it at more advantage: there let him sleep till day. I’ll to the Court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and I know his death will be a march of twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so, good morrow, Pointz.
POINTZ.
Good morrow, good my lord.
[Exeunt.]
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