Janet's Love and Service. Margaret M. Robertson
had risen sick with the inappeasable yearning for her home, a longing that would not be stilled, to walk again through familiar scenes, to look again on familiar faces.
The first letters from home, so longed for by all, so welcomed and rejoiced over by the rest, brought little comfort to her. Arthur’s letters to his father and Graeme, so clear and full of all they wished to hear about, “so like a printed book,” made it all the harder for her to bear her disappointment over Sandy’s obscure, ill-spelt and indifferently-written letter. She had of old justly prided herself on Sandy’s “hand o’ write;” but she had yet to learn the difference between a school-boy’s writing, with a copper-plate setting at the head of the page, and that which must be the result of a first encounter with the combined difficulties of writing, spelling and composition.
Poor Sandy! He had laboured hard, doubtless, and had done his best, but it was not satisfactory. In wishing to be minute, he had become mysterious, and, to the same end, the impartial distribution through all parts of the letter of capitals, commas and full stops, had also tended. There was a large sheet closely written, and out of the whole but two clear ideas could be gathered! Mr. More of the parish school was dead, and they were to have a new master, and that Mrs. Smith had changed her mind, and he was not to be at Saughless for the winter after all.
There were other troubles too, that Janet had to bear alone. The cold, that served to brace the others, chilled her to the bone. Unaccustomed to any greater variation of temperature than might be very well met by the putting on or taking off of her plaid, the bitter cold of the New England winter, as she went out and in about her work, was felt keenly by her. She could not resist it, nor guard herself against it. Stove-heat was unbearable to her. An hour spent in Mrs. Snow’s hot room often made her unfit for anything for hours after; and sleigh-riding, which never failed to excite the children to the highest spirits, was as fatal to her comfort as the pitching of the “Steadfast” had been. To say that she was disappointed with herself in view of all this, is, by no means, saying enough. She was angry at her folly, and called herself “silly body” and “useless body,” striving with all her might to throw the burden from her.
Then, again, with only a few exceptions, she did not like the people. They were, in her opinion, at the same time, extravagant and penurious, proud and mean, ignorant, yet wise “above what is written,” self-satisfied and curious. The fact was, her ideas of things in general were disarranged by the state of affairs in Merleville. She never could make out “who was somebody and who was naebody;” and what made the matter more mysterious, they did not seem to know themselves.
Mrs. Judge Merle had made her first visit to the minister’s in company with the wife of the village blacksmith, and if there was a lady between them Mrs. Page evidently believed it to be herself. Mrs. Merle was a nice motherly body, that sat on her seat and behaved herself, while Mrs. Page went hither and thither, opening doors and spying fairlies, speiring about things she had no concern with, like an ill-bred woman as she is; and passing her remarks on the minister and the preaching, as if she were a judge. Both of them had invited her to visit them very kindly, no doubt; but Janet had no satisfaction in this or in anything that concerned them. She was out of her element. Things were quite different from anything she had been used with. She grew depressed and doubtful of herself, and no wonder that a gloom was gathering over her.
Some thought of all this came into Graeme’s mind, as she sat watching her while she gathered together the brands with unsteady hands, and with the thought came a little remorse. She had been thinking little of Janet and her trials all these days she had been passing so pleasantly with her books, in the corner of her father’s study. She blamed herself for her thoughtlessness, and resolved that it should not be so in future. In the mean time, it seemed as though she must say something to chase the shadow from the kind face. But she did not know what to say. Janet set down the tongs, and raised herself with a sigh. Graeme drew nearer.
“What is it, Janet?” asked she, laying her hand caressingly on hers. “Winna you tell me?”
Janet gave a startled look into her face.
“What is what, my dear?”
“Something is vexing you, and you winna tell me,” said Graeme, reproachfully.
“Hoot, lassie! what should ail me. I’m weel enough.”
“You are wearying for a letter, maybe. But it’s hardly time yet, Janet.”
“I’m no wearyin’ the night more than usual. And if I got a letter, it mightna give me muckle comfort.”
“Then something ails you, and you winna tell me,” said Graeme again, in a grieved voice.
“My dear, I hae naething to tell.”
“Is it me, Janet? Hae I done anything? You ken I wouldna willingly do wrong?” pleaded Graeme.
Janet put her fingers over the girl’s lips.
“Whist, my lammie. It’s naething—or naething that can be helpit,” and she struggled fiercely to keep back the flood that was swelling in her full heart. Graeme said nothing, but stroked the toil-worn hand of her friend, and at last laid her cheek down upon it.
“Lassie, lassie! I canna help it,” and the long pent up flood gushed forth, and the tears fell on Graeme’s bent head like rain. Graeme neither moved nor spoke, but she prayed in her heart that God would comfort her friend in her unknown sorrow; and by the first words she spoke she knew that she was comforted.
“I am an auld fule, I believe, or a spoiled bairn, that doesna ken it’s ain mind, and I think I’m growing waur ilka day,” and she paused to wipe the tears from her face.
“But what is it, Janet?” asked Graeme, softly.
“It’s naething, dear, naething that I can tell to mortal. I dinna ken what has come ower me. It’s just as if a giant had a gripe o’ me, and move I canna. But surely I’ll be set free in time.”
There was nothing Graeme could say to this; but she laid her cheek down on Janet’s hand again, and there were tears upon it.
“Now dinna do that, Miss Graeme,” cried Janet, struggling with another wave of the returning flood. “What will come o’ us if you give way. There’s naething ails me but that I’m an auld fule, and I canna help that, you ken.”
“Janet, it was an awful sacrifice you made, to leave your mother and Sandy to come with us. I never thought till to-night how great it must have been.”
“Ay, lassie. I’ll no deny it, but dinna think that I grudge it now. It wasna made in a right sperit, and that the Lord is showing me. I thought you couldna do without me.”
“We couldna, Janet.”
“And I aye thought if I could be of any use to your father and your father’s bairns, and could see them contented, and well in a strange land, that would be enough for me. And I hae gotten my wish. You’re a’ weel, and weel contented, and my heart is lying in my breast as heavy as lead, and no strength of mine can lift the burden. God help me.”
“God will help you,” said Graeme, softly. “It is the sore home-sickness, like the captives by Babel stream. But the Lord never brought you here in anger, and, Janet, it will pass away.”
“Weel, it may be. That’s what my mother said, or something like it. He means to let me see that you can do without me. But I’ll bide still awhile, anyway.”
Graeme’s face was fall of dismay.
“Janet! what could we ever do without you?”
“Oh, you could learn. But I’m not going to leave you yet. The giant shallna master me with my will. But, oh! lassie, whiles I think the Lord has turned against me for my self-seeking and pride.”
“But, Janet,” said Graeme, gravely, “the Lord never turns against his own people. And if anybody in the world is free from self-seeking it is you. It is for us you are living, and not for yourself.”
Janet