Orley Farm. Anthony Trollope
"I think not premeditated."
"I did say premeditated, and I say it again."
"It looks uncommon like it," said Snengkeld.
"When a gentleman," said Gape, "who does not belong to a society—"
"It's no good having more talk," said Moulder, "and we'll soon bring this to an end. Mr.—; I haven't the honour of knowing the gentleman's name."
"My name is Dockwrath, and I am a solicitor."
"Oh, a solicitor; are you? and you said last night you was commercial! Will you be good enough to tell us, Mr. Solicitor—for I didn't just catch your name, except that it begins with a dock—and that's where most of your clients are to be found, I suppose—"
"Order, order, order!" said Kantwise, holding up both his hands.
"It's the chair as is speaking," said Mr. Gape, who had a true Englishman's notion that the chair itself could not be called to order.
"You shouldn't insult the gentleman because he has his own ideas," said Johnson.
"I don't want to insult no one," continued Moulder; "and those who know me best, among whom I can't as yet count Mr. Johnson, though hopes I shall some day, won't say it of me." "Hear—hear—hear!" from both Snengkeld and Gape; to which Kantwise added a little "hear—hear!" of his own, of which Mr. Moulder did not quite approve. "Mr. Snengkeld and Mr. Gape, they're my old friends, and they knows me. And they knows the way of a commercial room—which some gentlemen don't seem as though they do. I don't want to insult no one; but as chairman here at this conwivial meeting, I asks that gentleman who says he is a solicitor whether he means to pay his dinner bill according to the rules of the room, or whether he don't?"
"I've paid for what I've had already," said Dockwrath, "and I don't mean to pay for what I've not had."
"James," exclaimed Moulder—and all the chairman was in his voice as he spoke—"my compliments to Mr. Crump, and I will request his attendance for five minutes;" and then James left the room, and there was silence for a while, during which the bottles made their round of the table.
"Hadn't we better send back the pint of wine which Mr. Dockwrath hasn't used?" suggested Kantwise.
"I'm d—— if we do!" replied Moulder, with much energy; and the general silence was not again broken till Mr. Crump made his appearance; but the chairman whispered a private word or two to his friend Snengkeld. "I never sent back ordered liquor to the bar yet, unless it was bad; and I'm not going to begin now."
And then Mr. Crump came in. Mr. Crump was a very clean-looking person, without any beard; and dressed from head to foot in black. He was about fifty, with grizzly gray hair, which stood upright on his head, and his face at the present moment wore on it an innkeeper's smile. But it could also assume an innkeeper's frown, and on occasions did so—when bills were disputed, or unreasonable strangers thought that they knew the distance in posting miles round the neighbourhood of Leeds better than did he, Mr. Crump, who had lived at the Bull Inn all his life. But Mr. Crump rarely frowned on commercial gentlemen, from whom was derived the main stay of his business and the main prop of his house.
"Mr. Crump," began Moulder, "here has occurred a very unpleasant transaction."
"I know all about it, gentlemen," said Mr. Crump. "The waiter has acquainted me, and I can assure you, gentlemen, that I am extremely sorry that anything should have arisen to disturb the harmony of your dinner-table."
"We must now call upon you, Mr. Crump," began Mr. Moulder, who was about to demand that Dockwrath should be turned bodily out of the room.
"If you'll allow me one moment, Mr. Moulder," continued Mr. Crump, "and I'll tell you what is my suggestion. The gentleman here, who I understand is a lawyer, does not wish to comply with the rules of the commercial room."
"I certainly don't wish or intend to pay for drink that I didn't order and haven't had," said Dockwrath.
"Exactly," said Mr. Crump. "And therefore, gentlemen, to get out of the difficulty, we'll presume, if you please, that the bill is paid."
"The lawyer, as you call him, will have to leave the room," said Moulder.
"Perhaps he will not object to step over to the coffee-room on the other side," suggested the landlord.
"I can't think of leaving my seat here under such circumstances," said Dockwrath.
"You can't," said Moulder. "Then you must be made, as I take it."
"Let me see the man that will make me," said Dockwrath.
Mr. Crump looked very apologetic and not very comfortable. "There is a difficulty, gentlemen; there is a difficulty, indeed," he said. "The fact is, the gentleman should not have been showed into the room at all;" and he looked very angrily at his own servant, James.
"He said he was 'mercial," said James. "So he did. Now he says as how he's a lawyer. What's a poor man to do?"
"I'm a commercial lawyer," said Dockwrath.
"He must leave the room, or I shall leave the house," said Moulder.
"Gentlemen, gentlemen!" said Crump. "This kind of thing does not happen often, and on this occasion I must try your kind patience. If Mr. Moulder would allow me to suggest that the commercial gentlemen should take their wine in the large drawing-room up stairs this evening, Mrs. C. will do her best to make it comfortable for them in five minutes. There of course they can be private."
There was something in the idea of leaving Mr. Dockwrath alone in his glory which appeased the spirit of the great Moulder. He had known Crump, moreover, for many years, and was aware that it would be a dangerous, and probably an expensive proceeding to thrust out the attorney by violence. "If the other gentlemen are agreeable, I am," said he. The other gentlemen were agreeable, and, with the exception of Kantwise, they all rose from their chairs.
"I must say I think you ought to leave the room as you don't choose to abide by the rules," said Johnson, addressing himself to Dockwrath.
"That's your opinion," said Dockwrath.
"Yes, it is," said Johnson. "That's my opinion."
"My own happens to be different," said Dockwrath; and so he kept his chair.
"There, Mr. Crump," said Moulder, taking half a crown from his pocket and throwing it on the table. "I sha'n't see you at a loss."
"Thank you, sir," said Mr. Crump; and he very humbly took up the money.
"I keep a little account for charity at home," said Moulder.
"It don't run very high, do it?" asked Snengkeld, jocosely.
"Not out of the way, it don't. But now I shall have the pleasure of writing down in it that I paid half a crown for a lawyer who couldn't afford to settle his own dinner bill. Sir, we have the pleasure of wishing you a good night."
"I hope you'll find the large drawing-room up stairs quite comfortable," said Dockwrath.
And then they all marched out of the room, each with his own glass, Mr. Moulder leading the way with stately step. It was pleasant to see them as they all followed their leader across the open passage of the gateway, in by the bar, and so up the chief staircase. Mr. Moulder walked slowly, bearing the bottle of port and his own glass, and Mr. Snengkeld and Mr. Gape followed in line, bearing also their own glasses, and maintaining the dignity of their profession under circumstances of some difficulty.
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| And then they all marched out of the room, each with his own glass. Click to ENLARGE |
"Gentlemen, I really am sorry