The English Spy: An Original Work Characteristic, Satirical, And Humorous. C. M. Westmacott
of his house, with a silver quart tankard filled with gold—the savings of many years of industry. 30 Jem Flowers is an old soldier; and, in marshalling the forces for a bull or a badger-bait, displays all the tactics of an experienced general officer. Caleb Baldwin would no more bear comparison with Jem than a flea does to an elephant. 31 When it is remembered how near Eton is to London, and how frequent the communication, it will appear astonishing, but highly creditable to the authorities, that so little of the current slang of the day is to be met with here.
There's Jolly Jem,{32} who keeps his punt,
And dogs to raise the siller;
Of cads, the captain of the hunt, A right and tight good miller. Next Barney Groves,{33} a learned wight, The impounder of cattle, Dilates on birth and common right, And threats black slugs with battle. Big George {34} can teach the use of fives, Or pick up a prime terrier; Or spar, or keep the game alive, With beagle, bull, or harrier. Savager{35} keeps a decent nag,
32 Jem Miller was originally a tailor; but having dropt a
stitch or two in early life, listed into a sporting regiment of Cads some years since; and being a better shot at hares and partridges than he was considered at the heavy goose, has been promoted to the rank of captain of the private tutors. Jem is a true jolly fellow; his house exhibits a fine picture of what a sportsman's hall should be, decorated with all the emblems of fishing, fowling, and hunting, disposed around in great taste. 33 Barney Groves, the haughward, or impounder of stray cattle at Eton, is one of the most singular characters I have ever met with. Among the ignorant Barney is looked up to as the fountain of local and legal information; and it is highly ludicrous to hear him expatiate on his favourite theme of "our birthrights and common rights;" tracing the first from the creation, and deducing argument in favor of his opinions on the second from doomsday book, through all the intricate windings of the modern inclosure acts. Barney is a great stickler for reform in College, and does not hesitate to attack the fellows of Eton (whom he denominates black slugs), on holding pluralities, and keeping the good things to themselves. As Barney's avocation compels him to travel wide, he is never interrupted by water; for in summer or winter he readily wades through the deepest places; he is consequently a very efficient person in a sporting party. 34 George Williams, a well-known dog fancier, who also teaches the art and science of pugilism. 35 Savager, a livery-stable keeper, who formerly used to keep a good tandem or two for hire, but on the interference of the head master, who interdicted such amusements as dangerous, they have been put down in Eton.
But's very shy of lending,
Since she put down her tandem drag,{36} For fear of Keates offending. But if you want to splash along In glory with a ginger,{37} Or in a Stanhope come it strong, Try Isaac Clegg,{38} of Windsor. If o'er old father Thames you'd glide, And cut the silvery stream; With Hester's{39} eight oars mock the tide, He well deserves a theme. There's Charley Miller, and George Hall,{40} Can beasts and birds restore, sir; And though they cannot bark or squall, Look livelier than before, sir. Handy Jack's {41} a general blade, There's none like Garraway, sir; Boats, ducks, or dogs, are all his trade, He'll fit you to a say, sir. 36 DR A G, London slang for tilbury, dennet, Stanhope, &c. 37 A GINGER, a showy, fast horse. 38 Isaac Clegg is in great repute for his excellent turn outs, and prime nags; and, living in Windsor, he is out of the jurisdiction of the head master. 39 Hester's boats are always kept in excellent trim. At Eton exercise on the water is much practised, and many of the scholars are very expert watermen: they have recently taken to boats of an amazing length, forty feet and upwards, which, manned with eight oars, move with great celerity. Every Saturday evening the scholars are permitted to assume fancy dresses; but the practice is now principally confined to the steersman; the rest simply adopting sailors' costume, except on the fourth of June, or election Saturday, when there is always a grand gala, a band of music, and fireworks, on the island in the Thames. 40 Miller and Hall, two famous preservers of birds and animals; an art in high repute among the Etonians. 41 A famous boatman, duck-hunter, dog-fighter; or, according to the London phrase—good at everything.
Tom New {42} in manly sports is old,
A tailor, and a trump, sir;
And odd Fish Bill,{43} at sight of gold, Will steer clear of the bump,"{44} sir. A list of worthies, learn'd and great In every art and science, That noble youths should emulate, To set laws at defiance: The church, the senate, and the bar, By these in ethics grounded, Must prove a meteoric star, Of brilliancy compounded. Ye lights of Eton, rising suns, Of all that's great and godly; The nation's hope, and dread of duns, Let all your acts be motley. Learn arts like these, ye oppidan, If you'd astonish greatly The senate, or the great divan, With classics pure, and stately. Give Greek and Latin to the wind, Bid pedagogues defiance: These are the rules to grace the mind With the true gems of science. 42 Tom New, a great cricketer. 43 Bill Fish, a waterman who attends the youngest boys in their excursions. 44 The BUMP, to run against each other in the race.
APOLLO'S VISIT TO ETON.
This whimsical production appeared originally in 1819, in an Eton miscellany entitled the College Magazine; the poetry of which was afterwards selected, and only fifty copies struck off: these have been carefully suppressed, principally we believe on account of this article, as it contains nothing that we conceive can be deemed offensive, and has allusions to almost all the distinguished scholars of that period, besides including the principal contributors to the Etonian, a recent popular work: we have with some difficulty filled up the blanks with real names; and, at the suggestion of several old Etonians, incorporated it with the present work, as a fair criterion of the promising character of the school at this particular period.
The practice of thus distinguishing the rising talents of Eton is somewhat ancient. We have before us a copy of verses dated 1620, in which Waller, the poet, and other celebrated characters of his time, are particularised. At a still more recent period, during the mastership of the celebrated Doctor Barnard, the present earl of Carlisle, whose classical taste is universally admitted, distinguished himself not less than his compeers, by some very elegant lines: those on the late Right Hon. C. J. Fox we are induced to extract as a strong proof of the noble earl's early penetration and foresight.
"How will my Fox, alone, by strength of parts.
Shake the loud senate, animate the hearts
Of fearful statesmen? while around you stand
Both Peers and Commons listening your command.
While Tully's sense its weight to you affords, His nervous sweetness shall adorn your words. What praise to Pitt,{1} to Townshend, e'er was due, In future times, my Pox, shall wait on you."
At a subsequent period, the leading characters of the school were spiritedly drawn in a periodical newspaper, called the World, then edited by Major Topham, and the Rev. Mr. East, who is still, I believe, living, and preaches occasionally at Whitehall. From that publication, now very scarce, I have selected the following as the most amusing, and relating to distinguished persons.
1 The great Earl of Chatham.
RECOLLECTIONS OF AN OLD ETONIAN.
The Lords Littleton—father and son, formed two opposite characters in their times. The former had a distinguished turn for pastoral poetry, and wrote some things at Eton with all the enthusiasm of early years, and yet with all the judgment of advanced life. The latter showed there, in some traits of disposition, what was to be expected from him; but he too loved the Muses, and cultivated them.
He there too displayed the strange contraries of being an ardent admirer of the virtues of classic times, while he was cheating at chuck and all-fours; and though he affected every species of irreligion, was, in fact, afraid of his own shadow.
The whole North Family have, in