Chantecler. Edmond Rostand
[To PATOU.] Kha—?
PATOU
A bubble!—And yonder waddling duck—
CHANTECLER [Looking at him.] He is going to take his bath—
THE DUCK [Drily.] My tub!
CHANTECLER
His—?
PATOU
A bubble!
[A long grating noise is heard within the house Crrrrrrr, then.]
THE CLOCK
Cuckoo!
THE GREY HEN [Leaving her hiding-place and running towards the cat-hole.] His voice!—Now through the kitty's little door I finally shall see him! [She thrusts her head into the hole. The CUCKOO'S call is not repeated.] Oh, deary, deary me! I am too late! [Calling.] Bis! Encore!
CHANTECLER [Turning around at the noise.] Eh?
THE GREY HEN [Desperately, with her head in the cat-hole.] He has stopped!
THE BLACKBIRD
It was the half-hour.
CHANTECLER [Close behind the GREY HEN, abruptly.] How does it happen, my love, that we are not in the fields?
THE GREY HEN [Turning, scared.] Goodness gracious!
CHANTECLER
What are we doing, my love, in the cat-hole?
THE GREY HEN [Upset.] I was just taking a peep—
CHANTECLER
To see whom?
THE GREY HEN [More and more upset.] Oh—!
CHANTECLER [Dramatically.] Who is it?
THE GREY HEN
Oh—
CHANTECLER
Confess!
THE GREY HEN [In the voice of a woman caught in guilt.] The Cuckoo!
CHANTECLER [Amazed.] You love him?—But wherefore?
THE GREY HEN [Drops her eyes, then with emotion.] He is Swiss!
PATOU
A bubble!
THE GREY HEN
He is a thinker. He takes his airing—
CHANTECLER
She loves a clock!
THE GREY HEN—always takes his airing at the same hour, like Kant.
CHANTECLER
Like what?
THE GREY HEN
Like Kant.
CHANTECLER
Did one ever—! Out of my sight!
THE BLACKBIRD
Trot, Kant you?
[THE GREY HEN hurries off.]
CHANTECLER
Here's a pretty—Wherever did she learn that Kant—?
PATOU
At the Guinea-hen's.
CHANTECLER
That foolish old party of the crazy cries and the white-plastered beak?
PATOU
She has taken a day.
CHANTECLER
A day off, do you mean?
PATOU
No, a day at home.
CHANTECLER
A day at—Where does she receive?
THE BLACKBIRD
In a corner of the kitchen-garden.
PATOU
Under the auspices of that strawman with the unsavoury old top-hat.
CHANTECLER
The scarecrow?
THE BLACKBIRD
Yes, his being there makes the affair select.
CHANTECLER [Bewildered.] How is that?
THE BLACKBIRD Don't you see? He scares off all the puny fowl—. Poor relations are not wanted at a function.
CHANTECLER
So the Guinea-hen has a day!
PATOU [Phlegmatically.] A bubble!
CHANTECLER
A balloon!
THE BLACKBIRD [Imitating the GUINEA-HEN.] Mondays, my dear—
CHANTECLER
And what do they do at that feather-brain's parties?
PATOU Cluck and cackle. The Turkey-cock airs his social gifts, the Chick gets into society.
BLACKBIRD [Imitating the GUINEA-HEN.] From five to six—
CHANTECLER
Evening?
PATOU
No, morning.
CHANTECLER
What—?
THE BLACKBIRD You see, she must take advantage of the time when the garden is deserted, and yet have it a five-o'clock tea. So she chose the hour when the old gardener is at his early potations.
CHANTECLER
What nonsense!
THE BLACKBIRD
Quite so.
PATOU
You needn't talk. You go to her teas.
CHANTECLER
He goes—?
THE BLACKBIRD
Yes, I am one of their ornaments.
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