Combed Out. F. A. Voigt
that."
Five minutes ago we hated our Sergeant, but this sudden revelation of humanity on his part changed our attitude so completely that we felt ready to die for him. Moreover the interruption had distracted us, and the next half-hour passed very quickly. But gradually our physical discomfort reasserted itself. When at last the morning's drill was over we were so dispirited that we hardly felt any relief. We received the order "Dismiss," and flocked towards the mess-room where we formed a long queue.
We filed slowly in and passed by a trestle on which three foot-baths were standing. We held out our plates while a soldier in a grimy uniform ladled cabbage, meat and a greasy liquid on to them. We sat down on benches in front of tables that were littered with potato-peel, bits of fat, and other refuse. We were packed so closely together that we could hardly move our elbows. The rowdy conversation, the foul language, and the smacking of lips and the loud noise of guzzling added to the horror of the meal.
I was so repelled that I felt sick and could not eat. I sat back on the bench and waited. I observed that the man sitting opposite was watching me intently. Suddenly he asked: "Don't yer want it, mate?" I said "No," whereupon he exclaimed eagerly, "Giss it." A bestial, gloating look came into his face as he seized my plate and splashed the contents on to his own, so that the gravy overflowed and ran along the table in a thin stream. He took the piece of meat between his thumb and his fork and, tearing off big shreds with his teeth, gobbled them greedily down.
We washed our plates outside the mess-room in a metal bath that held two or three inches of warm water. Others had used it before us, and it was thick with grease and little fragments of cabbage and fat were floating about in it. From a nail in the wall a torn shred of a disused woollen pant was hanging. It was black and glistening, for it had already been used times without number. Some of the men wiped their plates on it, but others preferred to rub them with earth and then clean them with a bunch of fresh grass from a patch of lawn near by.
Then, to our dismay, the bugle sounded. We were back on the parade ground, but no Sergeant took charge of us. Instead there appeared a man without a cap and wearing a jersey. He was of colossal size. He had coarse, brutal features. He was our physical drill instructor.
He scowled darkly at us for a short while. Then he looked at one man after the other. His eyes rested on me. I wondered what was the matter. I was kept in suspense for a brief space and then he roared like a bull, "Take those bloody glasses orf," as though the wearing of glasses were a crime against humanity. I took them off and put them into my pocket. The instructor gave me a savage look and then bawled out a number of commands in rapid succession—so rapid that we were unable to follow any of them. We stood still and felt uncomfortable, not knowing what to do. There was an embarrassing pause, and then he thundered:
"Bloody lot o' fools—gorne to sleep 'ave yer? Don't try any o' yer tricks on me. I ain't 'avin' any. I'll smarten yer up a bit—by Gawd—I'll break yer bleed'n' 'earts afore I've done wi' yer—by Gawd I will. When I tells yer ter do a thing yer've got ter do it, else there'll be trouble, Gawd strike me blind. Now then, let's see what yer can do."
He gave his orders more slowly and performed each movement himself while we imitated him as best we could. We jumped and ran, we bent our bodies, and threw back our heads, we stretched our arms, we rose on our toes, we flopped down on to the ground and got up again with lightning rapidity. We ran to and fro until we were breathless. Mistakes were frequent, and whenever a mistake was made the instructor would stride up to the culprit with bared teeth and clenched fist and bellow contemptuous and filthy abuse at him. Not one of us had the courage to remonstrate. Suddenly our tyrant looked at his watch, and, to our immense satisfaction, walked off without saying a word.
We remained standing irresolutely for a while and then sat down on the grass one after another. It was not long before a Sergeant came up and said he was going to give us saluting drill.
"On the order 'Right 'and Ser-loot,' yer bring up yer right 'and to the peak o' yer cap an' turn yer 'ead sharply to yer left an' 'old it there while I counts six paces. At the end o' the six paces yer cuts yer 'and away an' brings it smartly dahn ter yer side an' looks to yer front. Squad—Tshn! By the Right, Quick March! … Right 'and, Ser-loot!"
Up went our right hands and our heads turned smartly to the left, while the Sergeant shouted, "One, two, three, four, five, six, Dahn!" whereupon we brought our hands smartly down to our sides and turned our heads to the front again. We marched to and fro saluting imaginary officers with our left hands, it may have been twenty times, it may have been fifty, we were so overcome with infinite boredom that we regarded everything with complete apathy and could not trouble to count. Then, by way of variety, we saluted with our right hands, and some more dreary minutes passed by. Then we stood to attention and saluted to the front. Finally, in order to complete our mastery of the art, each man had to leave the ranks in turn and salute the Sergeant in passing. Some of us did so clumsily and incorrectly and were sent back in order to repeat the performance.
Although each one dreaded his own turn, lest he should make himself look ridiculous, yet the mistakes made by the others were greatly enjoyed, so that when five or six men saluted without a single error there was general disappointment. But consolation was at hand, for the next man walked past the Sergeant with trembling knees. He was so hampered by nervous fright that he saluted awkwardly and with the wrong hand. There was loud laughter and the Sergeant, simulating an outburst of intense fury, roared at the unfortunate man, "Use a bit o' common sense, can't yer! Yer in the bleed'n' army now, yer not at 'ome wi' a nurse to look arter yer! Get back an' bloody well do it agin!" The man's nervousness increased, his mouth was open and his eyes were staring. With a violent effort of the will he mastered his fear and saluted correctly although in a grotesque and ungainly fashion.
We began to pity him, but one of our number, a man with long arms, a low forehead, and a protruding jaw, shouted, "Make 'im do it agin, Sergeant."
The Sergeant swung round and bellowed—he was really angry this time:
"What's the matter wi' yer? 'Oo told you to interfere? Mind yer own bloody business! Come an' do it yerself an' show us what yer made of."
We applauded this utterance, while the nervous individual slunk back in the ranks, thankful that attention had been distracted from him. The man addressed stepped out with swaggering alacrity. We hoped he would make a mistake and were ready to jeer and laugh at him. But to our great annoyance his salute was perfect, affectedly perfect. As he came back to the ranks he leered horribly at the Sergeant and then looked at us with a smirk of triumph and self-congratulation.
More men were called out, one after the other, but as there were no further displays of pitiable shyness or nervous embarrassment (although errors were frequent) the proceedings began to bore us intensely, and once again we counted the minutes and longed for the end of the afternoon.
The Sergeant's voice was becoming hoarse and he gave us brief intervals of rest with increasing frequency. Our movements became slower. Our mistakes, instead of disappearing, became more numerous. Our faces and necks seemed on fire. They were so sunburnt that to touch them was acutely painful. Our limbs moved sluggishly and reluctantly. The Sergeant looked at his watch. "Time yet, Sergeant?" asked someone in a drawling, agonized voice.
"There's another twenty minutes ter go—we'll risk it though, and knock orf in ten. Only get along to yer 'uts as soon as I dismiss yer an' don't show yerselves nowhere, else yer'll get me into trouble."
Our weary spirits were revived a little. The prospect of a quick termination to our discomforts caused the last ten minutes to pass with comparative rapidity. We were dismissed for the day, and straggled back to our huts, too broken in mind and body to think or do anything except lie down and rest.
So this was our first day in the army. How many more days of drill would we have to endure? Perhaps we would be sent to the front soon. That would be a change at least. I tried to visualize the future. What would actual warfare be like? I thought of bayonet charges and men falling under machine-gun fire. Then I recollected having heard somewhere that a soldier can take an active part in a modern war without ever seeing the enemy, and I imagined a low range of distant hills dotted with little puffs of smoke. I could