Intergalactic Stories: 60+ SF Classics in One Edition (Illustrated). Leigh Brackett
a funny way to talk.
"Listen, you parboiled idiot, in about an hour we're going to be fried, gutted, iced, killed, slaughtered, murdered, we will be, ipso facto, dead. Your 'friends' are whipping up a little blood-letting jamboree. Can't I shove it through your thick skull, we're on Mars, about to be sliced and hammered by a lousy bunch of Martians!"
"Captain, sir?"
"Yes, Berman?"
"The cave door is opening, sir. I think the Martians are ready to have at us again, sir. Some sort of test or other, no doubt."
"Let go a me, you one-eyed monster! I'm coming, don't push!"
We're outside the cave. They're cutting our bonds. See, captain, they aren't hurting us, after all. Here's the brick alley. There's Mrs. Haight's underwear waving on the clothes-line. See all the people from the beer hall—what're they waiting for?
"To see us die."
"Captain, what's wrong with Halloway, he's acting queer—"
"At least he's better off than us. He can't see these creatures' faces and bodies. It's enough to turn a man's stomach. This must be their amphitheatre. That looks like an obstacle course. I gather from their sign lingo that if we make it through the obstacles, we're free. Footnote: nobody's ever gotten through alive yet. Seems they want you to go first, Berman. Good luck, boy."
"So long, captain. So long, Gus. So long, Halloway."
Berman's running down-alley with an easy, long-muscled stride. I hear him yelling high and clear, even though he's getting far away.
Here comes an automobile!
Berman! Ahh! It hit him! He's fallen!
Berman, get up, get up!
"Stay here, Halloway, it's not your turn yet."
My turn? What do you mean? Someone's gotta help Berman.
"Halloway, come back! Oh, man, I don't want to see this!"
* * * * *
Lift up my legs, put them down, breathe out, breathe in, swing arms, swing legs, chew my tongue, blink my eyes, Berman, here I come, gee, things are crazy-funny, here comes an ice-wagon trundling along, it's coming right at me! I can't see to get around it, it's coming so fast, I'll jump inside it, jump, jump, cool, ice, ice-pick, chikk-chikk-chikk, I hear the captain screaming off a million hot miles gone, chikk-chikk-chikk around the ice perimeter, the ice wagon is thundering, rioting, jouncing, shaking, rolling on big rusty iron wheels, smelling of sour ammonia, bouncing on a corduroy dirt and brick alley-road, the rear end of it seems to be snapping shut with many ice-prongs, I feel intense pain in my left leg, chikk-chikk-chikk-chikk! piece of ice, cold square, cold cube, a shuddering and convulsing, a temblor, the wagon wheels stop rolling, I jump down and run away from the wrecked wagon, did the wagon roll over Berman, I hope not, a fence here, I'll jump over it, another popcorn machine, very warm, very hot, all flame and red fire and burning metal knobs....
Oops, I didn't mean to strike the popcorn man down, hello, Berman, what're you doing in my arms, how'd you get here, did I pick you up, and why? an obstacle race at the high-school? you're heavy, I'm tired, dogs nipping at my heels, how far am I supposed to carry you? I hear the captain screaming me on, for why, for why? here comes the big bad truant officer with a club in his hand to take me back to school, he looks mean and broad....
I kicked the truant officer's shins and kicked him in the face ... Mama won't like that ... yes, mommy ... no mommy ... that's unfair ... that's not ethical fighting ... something went squish ... hmm ... let's forget about it, shall we?
Breathing hard. Here comes the gang after me, all the rough, bristly Irishmen and scarred Norwegians and stubborn Italians ... hit, kick, wrestle ... here comes a swift car, fast, fast! I hope I can duck, with you, Berman ... here comes another car from the opposite way!... If I work things right ... uh ... stop screaming, Berman!
The cars crashed into each other.
The cars still roll, tumbling, like two animals tearing at each other's throats.
Not far to go now, Berman, to the end of the alley. Just ahead. I'll sleep for forty years when this is over ... where'd I get this flashlight in my hand? from one of those guys I knocked down? from the popcorn man? I'll poke it in front of me ... people run away ... maybe they don't like its light in their eyes.... The end of the alley! There's the green valley and my house, and there's Mom and Pop waiting! Hey, let's sing, let's dance, we're going home!
"Halloway, you so-and-so, you did it!"
Dark. Sleep. Wake up slow. Listen.
"—and Halloway ran down that amphitheatre nonchalant as a high-school kid jumping hurdles. A big saffron Martian beast with a mouth so damn big it looked like the rear end of a delivery truck, lunged forward square at Halloway—"
"What'd Halloway do?"
"Halloway jumped right inside the monster's mouth—right inside!"
"What happened then?"
"The animal looked dumbfounded. It tried to spit out. Then, to top it all, what did Halloway do, I ask you, I ask you, what did he do? He drew forth his boy-scout blade and went chikk-chikk-chikk all around the bloody interior, pretending like he's holed up in an ice-wagon, chipping himself off pieces of ice."
"No?"
"On my honor! The monster, after taking a bit of this chikk-chikk-chikk business, leaped around, cavorting, floundering, rocking, tossing, and then, with a spout of blood, out popped Halloway, grinning like a kid, and on he ran, dodging spears and pretending they were pebbles, leaping a line of crouched warriors and saying they're a picket fence. Then he lifted Berman and trotted with him until he met a three hundred pound Martian wrestler. Halloway supposed that it was the truant officer and promptly kicked him in the face. Then he knocked down another guy working furiously at the buttons of a paralysis machine which looked, to Halloway, like a popcorn wagon! After which two gigantic black Martian leopards attacked, resembling to him nothing more than two very bad drivers in dark automobiles. Halloway sidestepped. The two 'cars' crashed and tore each other apart, fighting. Halloway pumped on, shooting people with his 'flashlight' which he retrieved from the 'popcorn' man. Pointing the flash at people, he was amazed when they vanished and—oh, oh, Halloway's waking up, I saw his eyelids flicker. Quiet, everyone. Halloway, you awake?"
Yeah. I been listening to you talk for five minutes. I still don't understand. Nothing happened at all. How long I been asleep?
"Two days. Nothing happened, eh? Nothing, except you got the Martians kow-towing, that's all, brother. Your spectacular performance impressed people. The enemy suddenly decided that if one earthman could do what you did, what would happen if a million more came?"
Everybody keeps on with this joking, this lying about Mars. Stop it. Where am I?
"Aboard the rocket, about to take off."
Leave Earth? No, no, I don't want to leave Earth, good green Earth! Let go! I'm afraid! Let go of me! Stop the ship!
"Halloway, this is Mars—we're going back to Earth."
Liars, all of you! I don't want to go to Mars, I want to stay here, on Earth!
"Holy cow, here we go again. Hold him down, Gus. Hey, doctor, on the double! Come help Halloway change his mind back, willya!"
Liars! You can't do this! Liars! Liars!
Lazarus Come Forth
Logan's way of laughing was bad. "There's a new body up in the air-lock, Brandon. Climb the rungs and have a look."
Logan's