Deep Down. Matthew Vandenberg
life, as I ache for them to slam into my nose. Just the first few seconds of the perception of breath are fundamental [6]. They may very well be the best, as though bacteria are quickly finishing writing a letter with the words ALL THE BEST before you never hear from them again. It's the shock of novel lust. Disgust, by the way reader dearest, is synonymous with lust [7]. When that breath first hits you, those first few beats of a song your mind composes, that's when your body responds, almost shaking, if not literally then figuratively, like the moon's a salt-shaker (maybe coconut instead) and you're on a wave of food-infused breath. My board is so hard it hurts. Oh goddess, this is real. This is now. The metre of space between us indirectly proportional to the board's size as the space is slowly but surely invaded by her scents.
My hands begin to shake but I keep them pressed to the bed. OLD AGE is my excuse, of course. That's age for you, really shakes you up. But really, the butterflies want the coconuts. The butterflies crave the coconuts' cocoon, cavern, cave. My nasal cavities are throbbing incessantly, fervently itching to open wide and take in new residents.
It's time.
Closer.
Closer.
Inhalation meets exhalation and my heart explodes.
'I have to go back to my country,' Liwayway whispers, her lips hovering so close to my nose that I can't believe she doesn't know that her intoxicating, strong, invigorating, and ever sensual breath is a coconut that's now like her teeth: all about my nose. The shell is no more, and I need this moment to last as long as possible. It strikes me as odd that her words are not the ones I wanted to hear, not a right fit for the situation. But I keep exploring her intense presence with every breath I take. Whole coconuts slamming into my nose repeatedly. This is pure bliss. Inhalation. Solid inhalation. The opposite of a blocked nose but just as intense. Liwayway looking me full in the face as though transferring her serene meal and accompanying feeling of fullness to me through exhalation alone. This must be heaven.
All the best?
_______________
REFERENCES FOR ABOVE PIECE
1 The Golden Gays, Study on Retirement Village in the Philippines thegoldengays.wordpress.com/2018/02/22/study-on-retirement-village-in-the-philippines/amp/ ["All the JCI accredited medical facilities are located in Manila which makes it difficult to promote the whole country as retirement destination. Although most of the major cities have tertiary hospitals, they are hard to control. During the author’s work in the Philippines together with International Chambers of Commerce Retirement and Healthcare Coalition, Inc. (ICCRHC) discovered that foreigners are overcharged for medical treatment on a regular basis. Often the patients receive no diagnosis and unnecessary medical treatment procedures are conducted. International accreditation can help avoid such treatment."]
2 Rappler, Why our nurses are leaving, https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.rappler.com/move-ph/180918-why-nurses-leave-philippines?espv=1 ["According to data from the Philippine Overseas Employment Agency (POEA), 92,277 nurses have left the country to work abroad since 2012. That's almost 19,000 nurses leaving every year. Filipino Nurses United convenor Eleanor Nolasco said that the promise of high salary abroad, in contrast with the low wages in the Philippines, is a major push factor for our nurses to leave."; "The only difference with Philippine patients, Jimmy said, is that German patients are much more dependent on nurses."]
3 Uber Eats: Food Delivery, https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ubercab.eats&hl=en_AU&referrer=utm_source%3Dgoogle%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_term%3Duber+eats&pcampaignid=APPU_1__oU4Xa_7GJG6rQG5o7LgDQ
4 El Pinoy Grill, https://m.facebook.com/elpinoygrill/, [Unfortunately closed down now]
5 Rey's Place, https://www.reysplace.com.au/eat-1/
6 "Participants in Dalton’s experiment who were told that the fragrance was “healthful” or “standard” experienced the usual adaptation we have to odors and rated their ability to smell the balsam scent as very weak after twenty minutes of constant exposure." (#ThatsDisgusting p. 91-92)
7 "Not only are disgust and lust in the mind of the beholder, but for certain parts of our brain there’s no difference, regardless of what our loins are feeling." (#ThatsDisgusting p. 160)
8 Rudimental - Rumour Mill feat. Anne-Marie & Will Heard [Official Video], https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W1IVP8R8jTs
9 Sigala - Sweet Lovin' ft. Bryn Christopher (Official Video), https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qj5zT4t7S6c
10 "According to the journal Chemical Senses, a 'typical human sniff’ has a duration of 1.6 seconds and a volume of about half a litre. I’m sniffing twice as hard. I’m sniffing the way clueless Americans try to make non-English speakers understand them by shouting."(#Gulp Kindle sample location 294; 300)
11 Esquire, The Filipino Nurse And That Emmys Shout-Out, https://www.esquiremag.ph/culture/movies-and-tv/filipino-nursing-jobs-a1926-20180921, ["In addition to little pay and no benefits, there’s also the burden of unsafe nurse-patient ratio, 12 hour shifts, mental and physical burnout, unpaid overtime, bullying by management, and pressure to work overseas, according to St. Luke's Medical Center Employees Association May 2015 survey."]
12 Science Direct, International Journal of Nursing Scientists Organizational commitment and turnover intention among rural nurses in the Philippines: Implications for nursing management, [Summary], https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352013217302892
13 BBC News, NHS staff shortage: How many doctors and nurses come from abroad?, www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-48205445?espv=1, ["The WHO estimates that by 2030, there will be a need for more than 18m extra health workers around the world. And it says the worst shortages will be in the poorest countries, who have increasing populations, but whose skilled professionals are seeking better paid employment elsewhere."]
BREATH OF INDIA AND CHINA
Liwayway is gone. I'm still here, bedridden when the ride has stopped. It's hard saying goodbye, especially when the connection was as deep as a breath after a dive into the deep end of a relationship. What relationship? A date? Hardly. Just the opening of a window into my mind: a compelling and satisfying morning ritual any nurse can perform but which this particular nurse did so well. But they come and they go. This is typical. They need to go, always, like they find out about toilets some vast distance away. Like they're poor Indians, leaving India to come to Australia. Not that they ever get to: that's for the middle class [1] only. Call this expansion.
It's been a day since the date. Time's expanding without even taking a proper breath. We'll call it a DATE, dear reader. It means as much to me. I have a little time to think now, seeing an Indian then Chinese nurse pass by the bed several metres from mine. The politicians in charge must think that we haven't got enough land here in Australia for nurses to live on even if they're tying the knot to make their way in life: make an area of land from thin air. That still costs over seven grand [5]. The politicians think of their own country as a typical Chinese nursing home: there's no room to spare for young [6], aspirational inspirational helpers. It's a shame [1] they don't care about elderly people: stop making it so expensive [5] for international helpers to come to my side, because I want to hear who's on THEIR side, along with them. If you can't look after the elderly people yourself, public leader, then at least find me geriatricians for the sake of my fertility. No wait, this isn't about me. It's about Indians. Forget fertility [1]. Forgive me, please, for being a child, angry and abusive in my head like some sons of old Indians [1]. Shame on me for being so impatient. Nurses will be by my side soon, not the loud and aggravating nature (not nurture; untouched; fundamental flaws; flowers; taking its course) of immature disturbances: like poor kids who need diapers and equipment like their poor grandparents who do too [2]. But there's no insurance [2] against deteriorating health here. That's more important than nature if nature's just grass growing before my weary eyes, as dull as blades against my skin re feelings. Land is overvalued [4] [6], even for stones [12] (excluding wetlands [7], that nature matters, for the sake of humans), and compassion and time and relations and passion are undervalued. The nature of NURTURE should be highlighted. These glass windows before me, through