Clouded Judgement. NICHOLA HARVEY
need to talk, but it can wait until after dinner,” she articulated, “and once we’re away from ears,” she pointedly added, jerking her chin in the direction of our gossiping sisters at the dining table.
Attempting to swallow the golf ball-sized lump that had uncomfortably slipped its way back into my throat, I stiffly nodded. “Okay.”
Sensing my worry, she grasped my hand and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze. “Don’t stress; it’s nothing bad, I promise.”
“Oh, thank goodness.”
Sighting the relief washing over my face, she chuckled setting the flowers back on the bench. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”
I noticed, but if one valued their manhood, they were the type of words one kept to one’s self.
Dinner with Teddy’s roommates felt like old times – before that ominously dark cloud had descended upon us. For the first time in days, I felt myself relaxing, cherishing the moment before it evaporated. My heart warming as Teddy’s excessive giggling intensified thanks to the crude and sometimes inappropriate jokes frequently rolling off my sister’s tongue. I paid no mind to them as I sat back, enjoying Teddy’s tasteful playlist whilst sipping on the glass of bourbon clutched in my hand. Occasionally a subtle chuckle slipped when the odd joke diverted my attention and away from my dubious thoughts. Although, not for long.
To others, Teddy appeared happier, yet I knew differently. Hidden behind that steely armour was a sense of sadness and uncertainty over us, and our future. Likewise, her concern and fears were unfounded; I was here, wasn’t I?
Though at this stage as I peered down at her plate, feelings were the least of my worries. For someone who earlier admitted she was starving had barely taken a bite. I frowned, surreptitiously shaking my head as she played with her food.
As opposed to just merely eating her dinner, she spent much of it dissecting the tiniest sliver of pizza and chewing on individual sections of topping slowly. Even then, she went as far as covering her mouth with the back of her hand, hoping to conceal the gagging that promptly followed as she forced herself to swallow. Teddy’s worried expression darted soon after for what I assumed to be to see if I’d noticed. Sadly, I had, and as I locked eyes with her silently sharing my dismay, a guilty flush crept up her throat and over her cheeks whilst toying nervously with the white gold locket at her throat. Her mouth also moved as if to speak, but elicited nothing more than a strangled sound before tearing her eyes away whilst I wimped out, hiding my disheartened sigh behind a drawn-out sip of bourbon.
Teddy was wasting away in front of me, and unless I spoke up, she’d continue to wither. Perhaps her lacklustre eating habits were an issue best brought up in Doctor Montgomery’s office, safer too if I valued the head on my shoulders, which I was also surprisingly fond of.
I had just guzzled the last of my drink and was about to grasp the bottle around its square-shaped bottom to pour another when I felt the discreet tap of Teddy’s fingers on my thigh beneath the table: she was ready for that dreaded talk. I felt my chest constrict and reluctantly set my glass down. But as we pushed our chairs back and stood simultaneously, our sudden departure was typically noticed by our eagle-eyed sisters.
“I guess we’re cleaning up while you two sneak off to do the dirty like always?” Scarlett cheekily piped up. Dom sniggered distastefully alongside her.
“What’s new?” She suddenly yelped and scowled across the table at Poppy. “Hey, what was that for?”
Curtailing my laughter became quite the struggle as Poppy scolded her wayward roommates. Her loosely tied bun atop of her head wobbling as she wagged a stern finger at them. “They have important things to discuss which don’t concern you, so leave them alone – both of you!” No wonder she had great classroom control, she was rather scary.
My brow raised sharply as Teddy noticeably huffed and stalked off. I calmly gripped the top of the chair and spoke directly to Scarlett, “Poppy’s right, we do have issues that need discussing. So, do you ladies mind cleaning up whilst we do?”
Scarlett replied sagely and sensibly, “Yeah, sure. Come on, Dom, we’ll leave them to it.”
Without any further arguments, they promptly began cleaning up. Thanks to the past few hellish weeks, they had learnt and understood not to disagree with me.
In particular, after Teddy’s blatant refusal to inform her roommates about Emmett. In my eyes, I viewed it as keeping loved ones out of harm's way. Teddy sadly saw the opposite and felt they’d be safer by not knowing, a rebuttal that left my head shaking in astonishment, during which I’d hastily taken it upon myself to inform her so as well. Naturally, I landed in the doghouse, more so as a horrific case of verbal diarrhoea overcame me with his name ‘accidentally’ slipping off my tongue. Which, in turn, caused quite the colossal row amongst us all with Dominique and Scarlett consequently following me. Both girls making themselves a little too comfortable for my liking in the spare rooms until Teddy showed up, begging for us to return a few days later with an apology that was pretty damned epic, to me expressly.
“Thank you,” I murmured gratefully, tapping the top of the chair as I pivoted and exited the kitchen, anxiously making my way through the hall in the direction of Teddy’s bedroom.
Entering through the open doorway, I glanced across the room to the wingbacked chairs and frowned at the tension marring her drawn face. Visibly just as anxious about the conversation ahead, she crossed and uncrossed her legs, only to recross whilst restlessly dancing her hands about in her lap.
Closing the door behind me, I shot her a furtive glance and asked outright how she was feeling, “Are you nervous about our conversation?”
The wavy curls draping over her slim shoulders swayed as she shook her head. “No,” she readily admitted, following me with a jaded gaze as I strolled across her room. “I’m just on edge and have been ever since I revealed my secret to your parents.”
“Yeah, it’s been a pretty shitty time all round I’d say,” I uttered despondently, raking my hands through my hair as I settled into the chair beside her. Sitting askew, I casually rested an ankle over my knee and leaned against the backrest, motioning with a wave of the hand for Teddy to begin. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
“Everything.”
I frowned. “That’s rather ambiguous.”
“Don’t be difficult,” she tutted disapprovingly.
“I apologise. But what exactly do you want to talk about?”
“Us, this dark cloud, and…Emmett,” she informed me hesitantly, and with good reason. Just hearing my depraved uncles’ name made my skin crawl and the rage boil away inside. If I’d known ahead we were venturing down such a difficult road I would have swiped the bottle of bourbon off the table, forgetting the glass intentionally.
I tugged at my collar and loosened my tie. “What about – Emmett?” Christ, even speaking his name felt like acid on my tongue.
“We’ve not discussed the aftermath, not civilly anyway and that’s mostly down to your anger management issues,” she reminded me reproachfully.
“Yeah,” I scoffed, dropping my elbows to my knees and leaning into the palms of my hands. My head hung in shame as I judiciously recalled my latest outburst, “not my proudest moment admittedly. But in saying that, there were several reasons behind my abysmal behaviour, not that I’m not trying to justify my actions either,” I clarified as Teddy opened her mouth to argue the point with me. “Just hear me out, okay?” Once she nodded, I began my explanation, “Firstly, learning my uncle was the culprit was quite the shock. Then the realisation that he, along with your bloody mother, were behind us remaining apart all these years. Compounded by everything else they’ve put you thorough recently, I simply couldn’t take anymore and just lost it.” As I uneasily purged my feelings, Teddy remained quiet, my heart quaking at the flow of tears streaming down her pale, hollowed cheeks. “Ignorance, selfishness, whatever you want to call it, I wasn’t thinking.