The Other Side Of The Lies. Callie Ansar
“When my dad died, I got into some shit. I started taking antidepressants because, well, I was really depressed. Then, Billy introduced me to coke, which was expensive and I hadn’t gotten my money yet, so I did it once in a while. Then I would sometimes take a downer to try to bring me down from my coke highs. My mom got wind of all of this and she threatened to send me to a rehab, which would have kept me out of playing baseball.” He let out another sigh before lighting another cigarette. “I begged her not to send me away and admitted that I had gotten out of hand. We settled on me going to therapy instead of rehab and I had to go to meetings once a week, which my mom came to with me. I was only allowed to go out after school for baseball. After a few weeks, I stopped doing all of that shit, and I’ve been fine ever since.”
He turned his head to look at me. “That was two years ago, Karen. I hate when people judge me because of my past. I don’t have an addictive personality. I was 16 and I had just lost my father, and I had a really fucked up fight with him right before he died. I was fucked up from that, and the therapist helped a lot. Yes, I smoke pot once in a while, but I’m in a completely different place in my life now. I’m going to school next year to play ball and if I get caught with drugs, I’ll get kicked off the team. So, I can assure you, Karen, that I am not a junkie. I was just a kid, who was very lost at that time.”
I searched his face and all I could find was sincerity, and as I looked into his big, brown eyes, I could see him re-living all of the pain he went through back then. I remember him telling me about when his father died, and it didn’t effect him like this story did. Going through that must have been terrible for him and I felt terrible that I just forced him to purge that information.
I lifted my hand to caress his face. “I’m sorry that I had to ask you that, but thank you for telling me the truth,” I said as I leaned over to kiss him. I didn’t know if he would be receptive after just re-living that moment, but he was. He returned my kiss and put his strong arms around me. He guided my body to lie on the blanket and he placed himself right on top of me and my nerves were in a frenzy. I couldn’t wait for this moment, to touch him again and to kiss him again. And he surely didn’t disappoint.
“Let’s go,” I said, as seductively as I could.
“Let’s go,” he answered with a smirk. As I got myself together, he picked up the blanket and gathered it in a ball. He held the blanket in one hand, and held my hand with the other. The joy I was feeling at that moment had drowned out the despair I had felt earlier in the day.
When we got back to the Jeep, I suggested that we put the top up. Ramsey did as I said, and again, I helped out as much as I could. We got in the car and I directed him to a desolate block by the bay. The bay was only a few blocks north of where we were and I knew a great block that we could go down and overlook the water without being bothered by anyone.
When we arrived, there wasn’t a car in sight. Ramsey pulled over and put the car in park. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, my mouth was on his. I always hated making out in cars because of the uncomfortableness at first, when your both leaning into each other from your seat. I looked into the back seat only to see that it was way too small back there for Ramsey, let alone both of us, so I decided to make my way onto his lap.
Straddling him in the drivers seat, I kissed him as passionately as I could. We made love right there in his car and it was one of the greatest moments of my life.
Although my legs had cramped up and I was extremely uncomfortable sitting in the position I was in, I stayed there. I lay my head on his chest until my breathing calmed. I sat there and listened to his heartbeat change from rapid to normal, just like mine.
“Well, that was fantastic,” Ramsey said as he placed gentle kisses on my shoulders. All I could do was smile. I removed my head from his chest, looked at him, and softly kissed his lips.
Shortly after, as I made my way back into the passenger seat of the Jeep, we had a laugh when I attempted to put my ripped panties back on. We both lit cigarettes, and just sat there, talking about anything and everything for hours. It was perfect.
I wanted this night to last forever, but with the onset of dawn, I realized it was disappearing right before my eyes. I started to get upset when we began to head back to my house. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to feel this strongly about Ramsey, and possibly never see him again. I could never be confident with his word after him not showing up at my party. With all of these negative thoughts running through my mind, I didn’t even realize that we had pulled up in front of my house.
“Are you staying the night?” I asked, knowing it would be ok with my parents since my father had already extended that invitation.
“I think I’m just gonna head home, Kid, if that’s ok with you,” he sweetly said as he looked at me. A tear fell from my eye at his words.
He wiped it away, just as he did that hot afternoon in front of the Seashore Motel. I grabbed his wrist and said, “I don’t want you to go.”
“I’m gonna come and see you as often as I can, Kid. I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He reached in the back seat and revealed the black box that I hadn’t opened yet. “You still haven’t opened your gift,” he said as he handed it to me.
My frown turned into a smile as I took the box from his hands. I opened the velvet cube to see a ring sitting inside. It was beautiful and I was shocked. It was a heart made out of diamonds and sat on a band of gold. Ramsey took it out of the box and placed it on my ring finger. As we caught each other’s smiling eyes, he said, “Happy Graduation, Kid.” Another tear fell from my eye as I was overwhelmed at the beautiful moment that I was in.
I kissed him as I said, “Thank you, Ramsey. I love it, and I love you too.” I couldn’t believe that in my excitement I said that. My words clearly made him happy, however, my words were not returned. Not wanting to let him see my disappointment, I looked at my new ring and said, “Well, I guess I should let you start heading home.”
“Yeah, I’m getting a little tired,” he said as he reached for a smoke. “I’ll beep you to let you know I got home. 101, ok?”
“Ok. Do you remember how to get back to the BQE?” I asked.
“Yes, I remember. I had a great time tonight, Kid. And I’m really sorry I didn’t make it to your party.”
I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on his lips and said, “All is forgiven,” even though I didn’t mean it. Saying I love you was the only thing I could think about. I got out of the car and watched as he drove away. I stayed up for two hours after he left, waiting for his beep, before I finally just gave in to my exhaustion.
When I woke up the next morning at 11:00 a.m., there was still no beep from him. Maybe I was just making something out of nothing at all. Maybe I really was just a fool.
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Many things in my life had come to an end that summer. The pharmacy that I had been working in closed down, which unfortunately left me with idle time and all I thought about was my last night with Ramsey. I never did hear from him after that night. Lauri told me that she had seen him around here and there, but my name was never brought up. She said that he was supposedly getting ready to leave for school and getting in shape for baseball. I don’t know how those things would hinder him from calling me, but I guess I just wasn’t an important factor in his life.
I spent a lot of my time with Matthew, who was newly unemployed as well. He could put a smile on my face in the direst situation and I loved him for that. Every time I thought about driving upstate to see my friends on a weekend, Matthew always talked me out of it and reminded me of the heartache I would feel if confronted with Ramsey. He was right. I didn’t need that kind of hurt, especially from someone who didn’t want me.
David still incessantly tried to get in touch with me. Although I made a promise to myself to never let him near my heart again, I had agreed to meet him one night so we could talk. He wanted to clear the air before we started school because we would probably occasionally run into each other. He had a