Hello There, We've Been Waiting for You!. Laurie B. Arnold
exactly. This is a one-of-a-kind TV.”
Whoever heard of a one-of-a-kind TV?
“There is something you really ought to know, Mrs. Brown—”
But Florida cut him off. “Mike? Trust me. I can take it from here.”
“Okay then,” he shrugged. “It’s all yours.”
He and his pimply-faced partner packed up the cardboard. As they hauled it to the door, Mike stopped to whisper in my ear.
“Good luck, Squirt.”
Then he winked.
A cold shiver shot up my back.
I could tell this was kind of a holy moment for Florida. She pulled out a can of Orchid Oasis room freshener.
“Let’s welcome the new TV with the divine scent of happiness.”
And then she sprayed.
I remember smelling a real orchid once. It was the prettiest flower I’d ever seen. I’d leaned in to take a whiff and expected the scent of something wonderful, but it smelled exactly like—nothing. My mom said it was a good reminder that pretty on the outside doesn’t always mean pretty on the inside.
Florida’s Orchid Oasis spray didn’t smell a bit like orchids. More like a public restroom that got cleaned up with sweet perfumey stuff after someone threw up in the toilet.
“Let’s take this TV for a test drive.” She patted the spot beside her on the sofa.
I sat down and watched her fingers work lightning-fast on the remote. In record speed she figured out how to get six shopping channels on the TV at once.
“My mission is to buy six fabulous things from six shopping shows in ten minutes. Here’s the stopwatch. Ready? Go!”
I pushed the silver button on the stopwatch, and Florida flew into action. She punched in phone numbers for the shopping shows even faster than she’d worked the remote control. She knew them all by heart.
The first thing she bought was from the Home Shopping Channel. It was a blender powerful enough to grind a G.I. Joe into dust. Why anyone would ever need to do that, I haven’t a clue.
The next three items she purchased? Two cases of Sunflower Blond hair dye; a Hamdogger, which made hamburgers in the shape of hot-dogs; and a ceramic poodle for her collection. Where would she even put that poodle? Her shelves were already bursting with them.
“Time check,” Florida said.
“Three and a half minutes to go.” Three and a half minutes until I could go back in my room for the rest of the day.
“Ooh! Melt Away Your Wrinkles face cream!”
She called the Beauty Channel and ordered about a zillion cases of the stuff.
“Now we’ll have enough for both of us,” she said.
“I don’t have wrinkles. I’m eleven.”
“It’s never too early to start taking care of your complexion, dear.”
I was pretty sure I was trapped in a nightmare.
And the final thing she bought? A giant bag of hair bows.
“We’ve got to do something about that hair of yours, honey,” she said as she made the phone call.
What is it about my hair? The last time my grandmother commented about it was at Violet’s house, right before my mom’s funeral. “Madison, darling,” she’d said. “You’ve grown so much. I wouldn’t have recognized you, except for that stick-straight mouse-brown hair!”
I hadn’t known what to say. Given the situation, I was already sad enough without having to hear that. Besides, I like my hair. It is exactly the same as my mom’s.
“Cool it, Florida,” Grandpa Jack had said.
After that Violet and I stayed in her room playing Crazy Eights until we had to leave for the cemetery. Right after my mom died, talking with anyone but Violet made me cry.
“That’s it,” Florida said when she hung up the phone. “Time?”
I pushed the button on the stopwatch. “Nine minutes and forty-three seconds.”
“Oh, I am good! This TV is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Wow. Really?
“Can I go to my room now?” I asked.
But Florida was fixated on the new TV and didn’t answer. I’m not sure she even noticed when I left.
I sat on my pink bed and sketched a picture of Florida being hypnotized by her shopping shows.
And I wondered why redheaded Mike had wished me good luck. Did it have something to do with that new TV?
“Well dear, I’m off to my job at the flower shop. There’s a box of Froot Loops and peanut butter and jelly in the cupboard if you’re hungry. Don’t get into too much mischief. I’ll be home by five.” Florida slung a sparkly rhinestone purse over her shoulder.
I’d just wandered out of my room where I’d spent most of the day before drawing and wishing I had a different life. I was still in my PJs.
Right before she left, Florida kissed the new TV goodbye. Well, actually she got real close and blew it a kiss since she didn’t want to smudge the screen with lipstick.
Wow. Here’s how many times my grandmother has kissed me: zero. And there she was, kissing a TV. Not that I wanted her to kiss me—not at all—but I still thought it was weird. Almost as weird as her obsession with buying so many things from the shopping shows. Why does someone need that much stuff, anyway?
But I didn’t mind spending the day alone. I wasn’t in the mood to meet anyone new. Ever since my mom died, everyone I meet always asks me what happened. It’s usually the first question after they’ve said, “I’m sorry.” I’m thinking of having a little card printed up to hand out.
Hi! My name is Madison McGee. I’m eleven years old. My mom died in February from a heart attack. She was only 33.
The doctors were as surprised as anyone because they didn’t know she had a problem with her heart.
P.S. Thank you for being sorry.
P.P.S. I never knew my dad, so please don’t bother asking if he’s alive. I have no idea.
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate people’s concern, and I know they’re curious. It just makes me too sad to talk about it.
So spending the day solo sounded perfect.
As soon as Florida left I helped myself to a bowl of cereal, sat on the sofa, and flipped through the channels on the MegaPix. It seemed like an ordinary TV to me, other than that picture-in-a-picture business.
I eventually found a rerun of my favorite TV show, Just Jessica. It was a show Violet and I both loved, and we really loved Carlee Knight, the girl who played Jessica LePew. I’d already seen the episode. It was the one where the eighth graders at Sunnyside Middle School put on a play of Cinderella. Just to be mean, the meanest girl of them all, Ashley, cast Jessica as the evil stepmother’s housecat. They all treated Jessica like dirt because she was a famous movie star and they were jealous. Only her best friend, Curtis, stuck up for her. That’s how it was in every show, and she always did her best to put up with a bad situation. Violet and I figured that in real life Carlee Knight was