Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour. W. Somerset Maugham
Admiral.
I tell you I won't hear of it. The boy's penniless.
Lady Frederick.
That's why it's so lucky you're rich.
Admiral.
Eh?
Lady Frederick.
You've been talking of buying a place in Ireland. You couldn't want anything nicer than Gerald's—gravel soil, you know. And you simply dote on Elizabethan architecture.
Admiral.
I can't bear it.
Lady Frederick.
How fortunate, then, that the house was burnt down in the eighteenth century and rebuilt in the best Georgian style.
Admiral.
Ugh.
Lady Frederick.
And you'd love to have little grandsons to dandle on your knee.
Admiral.
How do I know they wouldn't be girls?
Lady Frederick.
Oh, it's most unusual in our family.
Admiral.
I tell you I won't hear of it.
Lady Frederick.
You know, it's not bad to have the oldest baronetcy in the country but one.
Admiral.
I suppose I shall have to pack Rose off to England.
Lady Frederick.
And break her heart?
Admiral.
Women's hearts are like old china, none the worse for a break or two.
Lady Frederick.
Did you ever know my husband, Admiral?
Admiral.
Yes.
Lady Frederick.
I was married to him at seventeen because my mother thought it a good match, and I was desperately in love with another man. Before we'd been married a fortnight he came home blind drunk, and I had never seen a drunken man before. Then I found out he was a confirmed tippler. I was so ashamed. If you only knew what my life was for the ten years I lived with him. I've done a lot of foolish things in my time, but, my God, I have suffered.
Admiral.
Yes, I know, I know.
Lady Frederick.
And believe me, when two young things love one another it's better to let them marry. Love is so very rare in this world. One really ought to make the most of it when it's there.
Admiral.
I'm very sorry, but I've made up my mind.
Lady Frederick.
Ah, but won't you alter it—like Nelson. Don't be hard on Rose. She's really in love with Gerald. Do give them a chance. Won't you? Ah, do—there's a dear.
Admiral.
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but Sir Gerald is about the most ineligible young man that I've ever come across.
Lady Frederick.
[Triumphantly.] There, I knew we should agree. That's precisely what I told him this morning.
Admiral.
I understand his place is heavily mortgaged.
Lady Frederick.
No one will lend a penny more on it. If they would Gerald would borrow it at once.
Admiral.
He's got nothing but his pay to live upon.
Lady Frederick.
And his tastes are very extravagant.
Admiral.
He's a gambler.
Lady Frederick.
Yes, but then he's so good looking.
Admiral.
Eh?
Lady Frederick.
I'm glad that we agree so entirely about him. Now there's nothing left but to call the young things in, join their hands and give them our united blessing.
Admiral.
Before I consent to this marriage, madam, I'll see your brother——
Lady Frederick.
Damned?
Admiral.
Yes, madam, damned.
Lady Frederick.
Now listen to me quietly, will you?
Admiral.
I should warn you, Lady Frederick, that when I once make up my mind about a thing, I never change it.
Lady Frederick.
Now that is what I really admire. I like a man of character. You know, I've always been impressed by your strength and determination.
Admiral.
I don't know about that. But when I say a thing, I do it.
Lady Frederick.
Yes, I know. And in five minutes you're going to say that Gerald may marry your pretty Rose.
Admiral.
No, no, no.
Lady Frederick.
Now look here, don't be obstinate, I don't like you when you're obstinate.
Admiral.
I'm not obstinate. I'm firm.
Lady Frederick.
After all, Gerald has lots of good qualities. He's simply devoted to your daughter. He's been a little wild, but you know you wouldn't give much for a young man who hadn't.
Admiral.
[Gruffly.] I don't want a milksop for a son-in-law.
Lady Frederick.
As soon as he's married, he'll settle into a model country squire.
Admiral.
Well, he's a gambler, and I can't get over that.
Lady Frederick.
Shall he promise you never to play cards again? Now, don't be horrid. You don't want to make me utterly wretched, do you?
Admiral.
[Unwillingly.] Well, I'll tell you what I'll do—they shall marry if he doesn't gamble for a year.
Lady Frederick.
Oh, you duck. [She impulsively throws her arms round his neck and kisses him. He is a good deal taken aback.] I beg your pardon, I couldn't help it.
Admiral.
I don't altogether object, you know.
Lady Frederick.
Upon my word, in some ways you're rather fascinating.
Admiral.
D'you think so, really?
Lady Frederick.
I do indeed.
Admiral.
I rather wish that proposal of marriage had been on your own behalf.
Lady