The Rolliad, in Two Parts. George Ellis
custom, and not prohibited by any law—That Mr. Hastings was justified in disobeying the orders of the Directors, because he could no otherwise have convinced the Country Powers of his superiority over his Masters, which was, and is, absolutely necessary—that, though it may be questioned if Nundcomar was legally condemned, it was proper to execute him, in order to show the justice and impartiality of the Judges in hanging the natives, whom they were sent especially to protect—That a Treaty of Peace between two nations is of no force, if you can get one of the individuals who officially signed it, to consent to the infraction of it—together with many other positions, equally just and novel, both in Ethics and Politics.
But to return to our Poet. MERLIN now drops his apostrophe, and eulogizes the India-bench in the third person for the blessings of Tea and the Commutation Tax. The following passage will show our author to be, probably, a much better Grocer than Mr. Pitt; and perhaps little inferior to the Tea-Purchaser’s Guide.
What tongue can tell the various kind of Tea?
Of Blacks and Greens, of Hyson and Bohea;
With Singlo, Congou, Pekoe, and Souchong:
Couslip the fragrant, Gun-powder the strong;
And more, all heathenish alike in name,
Of humbler some, and some of nobler fame.
The prophet then compares the breakfasts of his own times with those of ours: attributes to the former the intractable spirit of that age; and from the latter fervently prays, like a loyal subject, for the perfect accomplishment of their natural effects; that they may relax the nerves of Englishmen into a proper state of submission to the superior powers. We shall insert the lines at length.
On mighty beef, bedew’d with potent ale,
Our Saxons, rous’d at early dawn, regale;
And hence a sturdy, bold, rebellious race,
Strength in the frame, and spirit in the face,
All sacred right of Sovereign Power defy,
For Freedom conquer, or for Freedom die.
Not so their sons, of manners more polite;
How would they sicken at the very sight!
O’er Chocolate’s rich froth, o’er Coffee’s fume,
Or Tea’s hot tide their noons shall they consume.
But chief, all sexes, every rank and age,
Scandal and Tea, more grateful, shall engage;
In gilded roofs, beside some hedge in none,
On polish’d tables, or the casual stone.
Be Bloom reduc’d; and PITT no more a foe, Ev’n PITT, the favourite of the fair shall grow: Be but Mundungus cheap; on light and air New burthens gladly shall our peasants bear, And boil their peaceful kettles, gentle souls! Contented—if no tax be laid on coals. Aid then, kind Providence, yon’ generous bench, With copious draughts the thirsty realm to drench; And oh! thy equal aid let PRESTON find, With [2]musty-sweet and mouldy-fresh combin’d, To palsy half our isles: ’till wan, and weak, Each nerve unstrung, and bloodless every cheek, Head answering head, and noddling thro’ the street. The destin’d change of Britons is complete; Things without will, like India’s feeble brood, Or China’s shaking Mandarins of wood. So may the Crown in native lustre shine, And British Kings re-sume their right divine.
We have been thus prolix in giving the whole of this quotation, as we think it glances very finely at the true policy, why it is expedient to encourage the universal consumption of an article, which some factious people have called a pernicious luxury. And our readers, we are persuaded, will agree with us, when we decidedly pronounce this as good a defence of the Commutation Tax, as we have yet seen.
We must observe however that our author is probably indebted to the extensive information of Lord Sydney, for the hint of the following couplet:
In gilded roofs, beside some hedge in none,
On polish’d tables, or the casual stone.
The Secretary of State in the discussion of the abovementioned tax, very ably calculated the great quantity of tea consumed under hedges by vagrants, who have no houses; from which he most ingeniously argued to the justice and equity of laying the impost on persons who have houses, whether they consume it or not.
We shall conclude this number, as the Poet concludes the subject, with some animated verses on Mr. FOX and Mr. PITT.
Crown the froth’d Porter, slay the fatted Ox,
And give the British meal to British Fox.
But for an Indian minister more fit,
Ten cups of purest Padrae pour for PITT,
Pure as himself; add sugar too and cream,
Sweet as his temper, bland as flows the stream
Of his smooth eloquence; then crisply nice
The muffin toast, or bread and butter slice,
Thin as his arguments, that mock the mind,
Gone, ere you taste—no relish left behind.
Where beauteous Brighton overlooks the sea,
These be his joys: and STEELE shall make the Tea.
How neat! how delicate! and how unexpected is the allusion in the last couplet! These two lines alone include the substance of whole columns, in the ministerial papers of last summer, on the sober, the chaste, the virtuous, the edifying manner in which the Immaculate Young Man passed the recess from public business; not in riot and debauchery, not in gaming, not in attendance on ladies, either modest or immodest, but in drinking Tea with Mr. Steele, at the Castle in Brighthelmstone. Let future ages read and admire!
[1] We have the highest law authority for this title; as well as for calling Mr. Hastings Alexander the Great.
[2] The Tea-dealers assure us, that Mr. PRESTON’s sweet and fresh Teas contain a great part of the musty and mouldy chests, which the Trade rejected.
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NUMBER IX.
In every new edition of this incomparable poem, it has been the invariable practice of the author, to take an opportunity of adverting to such recent circumstances, as have occurred since the original publication of it relative to any of the illustrious characters he has celebrated. The public has lately been assured that, the Marquis of Graham is elected Chancellor of the University of Glasgow, and has presented that learned body with a complete set of the engravings of Piranesi, an eminent Italian artist; of which we are happy to acquaint the Dilettanti, a few remaining sets are to be purchased at Mr. Alderman Boydell’s printshop, in Cheapside, price twelve pounds twelve shillings each. An anecdote reflecting so much honour upon one of the favourite characters of our author, could not pass unnoticed in the ROLLIAD; and accordingly, in his last edition, we find the following complimentary lines upon the subject:
If right the Bard, whose numbers sweetly flow,
That all our knowledge is ourselves to know;
A sage like GRAHAM, can the world produce,
Who in full senate call’d himself a goose?
The admiring Commons, from the high-born youth,
With wonder heard this undisputed truth;
Exulting Glasgow claim’d him for her own,
And plac’d the prodigy on Learning’s throne.
He then alludes to the magnificent present abovementioned, and concludes in that happy vein of alliterative excellence, for which he is so justly admired—
With gorgeous gifts from gen’rous GRAHAM grac’d,
Great Glasgow grows the granary of taste.
Our readers will