Becoming a Counselor. Samuel T. Gladding
popular with my classmates because of my sense of humor. At the same time, I looked for heroes in preadolescence because I realized most of the people who were leaders in the late 1950s and 1960s did not look like me. They were primarily tall, rugged, and handsome. Think John Wayne on one end of the spectrum and John F. Kennedy on the other.
Whether it was luck or just plain serendipity, I found my hero one Sunday afternoon as I watched a 1930s Judge Hardy movie with my family. The two prominent actors in the film were Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland. I knew nothing about them. What I did notice was that they were attractive young people and Mickey Rooney did some cool things in the movie as the son of Judge Hardy, a wise older man. In addition, Judy Garland seemed to really like him. She was pretty, perky, and his girlfriend. So how could I lose if I acted like Mickey Rooney? My father was not a white-haired judge. I could only pretend he was. Likewise, my family was not as cool as what I saw on the screen before me, but I could imagine. Thus, much of what I later did in high school and even early in college was based on the model of a fictitious family and environment.
Years later I read about the tumultuous and tragic lives of Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland and wondered to myself how I could have formulated part of my identity based partially on who they portrayed. At the same time, I realized that it was the character roles in the Judge Hardy movies to which I was aspiring. I identified with a short-statured adolescent, Andy, who was played by Mickey Rooney. Likewise, in youth I looked at Judy Garland as Polly and saw the positives she personified. I then tried to date girls who had those characteristics. I was fortunate not to have too much information too soon. Otherwise I might have become cynical, morose, and lost.
It is the same with our clients. They need to develop at their own pace, not ours. They need role models and may find them serendipitously and in places where we might never have imagined. Not knowing may keep them going and on track to discovering aspects of themselves they would otherwise miss.
Chapter 14 Sex at Church: The ABCs of Physiology
When I was first told there was going to be sex at church, I did a double take. The Baptists I knew were against dancing and hayrides, so how could they be for sex, especially at the church? I was a tween, between childhood and adolescence. I had no idea that what was about to occur was sex education. I am still amazed it occurred on Sunday nights. A couple of doctors led it.
The education was mostly about the physical side of sex—after all, we were being led by physicians. Boys and girls were broken up into two distinct groups, and the lessons were specific to each sex. I learned more about the opposite sex in 2 weeks than most of my friends learned in 18 years. If I had been given an anatomical doll of a girl after the class, I could have named every part and recited what happened when and how. Of course, any of the psychological and emotional parts of a union were left out, except for the mantra “You only have sex with someone you love.”
I am glad I missed the Talk my dad would have given me about sex. Because my father was raised on a farm, the Talk would probably have been illustrated with examples of cows, chickens, and horses. The results might have left me more confused than before, except for the fact that I would have known more about calves, chicks, and colts.
Chapter 15 The Loans
Between the ages of 10 and 14, I was a paperboy. I delivered the Atlanta Journal every afternoon to 65 customers on my one-speed bike with a basket on the front. On Sunday morning, I delivered the combined Atlanta Journal-Constitution. My father helped me on Sunday mornings because the paper was so large, but on other days I was on my own. I made about 2 cents for every paper I threw.
When I was 11 years old and in sixth grade my father came to me and asked if he could borrow $100. I barely had that much money in the bank, but I lent him the money and he said he would pay me back as soon as he could. We shook hands on the agreement. My dad only made about $2,500 a year, so I knew it would take him some time. However, I knew his word was good and that he would not have asked me for money if he had not had to. About a year later, my father called me aside and repaid his loan to me, plus $3, which was the 3% interest standard for the time.
In 1979 I did postdoctoral studies and had to take a leave without pay for 6 months from my job teaching psychology at a community college. About 3 months into my studies, I was almost completely broke. I asked my father, who was doing well financially then, if he could loan me $1,000. He did, and we again shook hands. I told my dad I would pay him back as soon as possible. I was making about $10,000 a year then. Within the year I paid my father back with 7% interest, which was standard for the time. At the time, I remember how he had paid me back.
Life is a series of loans. Some are monetary. Others are meant to build character. The important thing is to pay back what we borrow and pay it forward when possible.
Points to Ponder
1 When have you ever faced a dilemma of holding onto a situation or letting it go? What did you do? What were the results? How do you think your experience then influences your counseling and personal decisions now?
2 Who was a role model for you growing up besides your parents? What qualities did they have that made you want to be like them?
3 How did you handle success, failure, and the unexpected in childhood? Do you still cope with these situations in the same way today? What has changed? How did that happen?
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Section 2
Becoming During Adolescence (Ages 12 to 18)
Reunion
Before we were scattered across the landlike brown leaves and broom strawblown by changing winds,We were a nation of adolescentsa force whose heartbeatsfilled buildings and inspired ideals.Before we agedwe bloomedwith thoughtsthat have long since departed.
© 1993, Samuel T. Gladding
Adolescence is a time of trial and error, a time of experimentation,and a time of new adventures. Many adolescent experiences are awkward, but a number are rewarding and reinforcing. Whether in success or failure, we learn in adolescence about the world at large and about ourselves. This period of life is exciting. It is filled with a lot of restraints, such as ones on consuming alcohol, but it also offers a lot of freedom, such as a driver’s license.
The stories in this section, although personal, reflect some of the frustration, hope, determination, finesse, setbacks, and leaps forward that fill the lives of teenagers. Although set in a particular time and location, these anecdotes have a universal aspect to them that transcends their individuality.
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Chapter 16 Making the Grades . . . Almost!
I thought I had some intelligence as teenager, but compared to the top tier of students at Decatur High School I was on a secondary level. As Jo Dee Messina’s lyrics would later describe, but in another context, I was “above the below and below the upper.” I did not have a science, technology, engineering, and mathematics mind, and I was not especially fast at picking up complex concepts. To make matters worse, my spelling and pronunciation of words were abysmal. When I was told to look up words in the dictionary, I often failed because I could not decipher the letter the word began with or certain vowels and consonants. For instance, when the orchestra from the Baptist Children’s Home visited our church—and they did so twice—I could have sworn the minister said their orphanage was in “Hateville,” not “Hapeville.” To house orphans in Hateville seemed very odd and ungodly!
There was also the matter of leaving letters out