Chords obscurantism. Volume one. Vasily Varga
(Dobrolyubov and Chernyshevsky, who called Russia to the axe), conducted extensive correspondence with friends-revolutionaries. Here to he was visited by Nadenka Fishberg (Krupskaya), an admirer of his ideas, a gray mouse with slightly bulging eyes, who, apparently, had a hard time with suitors, and the future leader of the world proletariat, according to evil tongues, was already married before meeting Nadenka; here they had a fairly decent wedding. (If only the then all-powerful Russian Tsar knew how the young Jacobin would thank him when he seized power?)
But Ilyich did not show passion for his young wife as a woman; she was too docile, too loyal, cold in bed, ready for anything, reacting to everything with barely noticeable delight and unbuttoning her collar when Ilyich started to squint.
He quickly saw her as a devoted servant and realized that it was possible to indulge in strawberries on the side, and later, when Inessa appeared, he even informed his wife that in the future they would live together as a Threesome.
No one can compare Inessa with Nadezhda, and it is problematic to reproach Lenin, given his status. This must be admitted. It is impossible to explain the leader’s behavior in any other way. After moving to Moscow, the leader grew cold to his mistress, separated her from the “family”, and then, when tired – sent to the South at the disposal of Frunze. She-barely arrived at the place “fell ill” and immediately died. And then a diagnosis was invented – cholera. Did Lenin have anything to do with it? Definitely.
In a small synagogue, everyone was engaged not only in empty conversations on the subject of the revolution, but also had fun. Sverdlov suggested visiting the house of tolerance even before Inessa appeared.
The hooker, Julia, in short pants, began to ask:
– Who is here Ulanov?
“Here it is, catch it, or it’s not permanent,” Yasha said.
Julia grabbed Ilyich’s belt and pulled him to her room.
“Down with your pants,” she ordered.
Ilyich hesitated. She dropped her pants in a flash.
– Klein! it’s a small one – " said Julia, and immediately clasped it in her hand and began to squeeze and release it. Revolutionary!
The chief was very pleased. He even got a kiss on his beard.
His mood was more acceptable than ever. Yasha decided to remind about Russia.
– I don’t care about Russia!
– How, how?” the clan members whimpered. Russia – barbaric country, as said Angelus.
“No, it was said by Mordychai Levi, don’t confuse it,” said Dzerzhinsky, the future thug, massaging the pistol in his pocket.
“Don’t quarrel, comrades! Where possible, we will take power into our own hands. The main thing is that the masses, the proletariat has organized itself. The prostitutes clapped their hands.
5
Just the next day, again visiting a piquant institution, Samuel, an old and venerable member of the Politburo, Closed his Snout and addressed prostitutes with such a moralizing address:
– This is the leader of the world revolution, not a fucking dog.” Give him the sexiest, most beautiful tall girl no older than eighteen years old. Know this: short men love tall ladies, and tall ladies are never offended by short men. And more. Old people like us love the young, the stupid, but the irreplaceable in bed. If one of them has read Marx’s Capital, we pay double the price.
“Oh, … Oh! EU! “said the lady, Baring her metal teeth and hinting that it would not hurt to gild the handle.
Katznelson, not satisfied, took out a heavy bag and threw twenty gold rubles to the abbess. It was still money from the party’s cash register, and the party’s cash register was replenished daily by Russian patrons, and the party members themselves were not asleep. They raided banks, cash registers, robbed and even killed if there was no other way out, but the money was brought and handed over to the cashier regularly.
Soon three blondes entered, but Lenin held up his hand.
– Modesty, comrades, modesty, where is your modesty? We return to the headquarters and there we will agree on where to start the world revolution.
The chief liked the blonde so much that he made a date for her on Monday and told her that he had rented an apartment. Now they will meet separately almost every day, after hard work.
Nadezhda Konstantinovna immediately noticed the change in her husband and even dared to ask him one day at dinner:
– Volodya, what happened to you? I don’t recognize you. You smile all the time, you laugh, future generations will call it Homeric laughter, but now, before this has happened, I demand a specific answer to a specific question: where do you go at night?
– Nadia, you’re the “Capital” of Marx-Mordica take notes?
– I’m stuck on page three, why?”
– So if you dig into the personal life of the leader of the world revolution, you will become a counter-revolutionary. Do you understand?
– Understand, – he tilted his head to Nadia.
– Then go, take notes and learn by heart, and then began to spoil my appetite.
Nadenka went to her room, seized Marx’s Capital, wept over it, and opened the volume to the third page. What they were talking about, she could not understand, but the fact that she was losing her husband. as such, I understood perfectly well and decided that it is better not to interfere. Especially since Volodya not so long ago declared: under communism, marriage will break up, women will become public property, anyone who wants to enjoy the body of the opposite sex, you need to sign up for an artel of celibacy and enjoy it to your heart’s content.
* * *
Volodya’s spirits rose and he felt that he could still do a lot, and posterity would be infinitely grateful to get acquainted with his main work entitled “Materialism and empirio-criticism”. Here only it is necessary to finish the plan, to define the goals and tasks of the immortal work. And this is very difficult. Even Apfelbaum himself can’t figure it out, but he could have written twenty or thirty chapters. All the more so because imperialism already exists, the proletariat has already reached its limit, but… "– he raised a finger in the air and fired loudly – " in the bowels of the proletariat, criticism is born, that is to say, criticism. He will scatter imperialism like a well-fed chicken with rotten grain.
As soon as he wrote the headline, he felt that something was missing. Placing the pen gently on the Desk, he rose from the chair as gently as he had come and began to March around the small office. And then a happy thought flashed into my mind:
– Gershon, where are you, honey, the scoundrel of all Judea?” I’ve already written the title, and then what? who will continue? Well, turn the shafts in the direction of the historical office, the historical chair where the leader of the world revolution, Lenin, just sat.
Gershon sat behind the tile stove, wiping away snot mixed with tears.
– What is it, my brother?”
“You cheated on me, you bastard. Cursed be your race of Jews. You don’t deserve to eat matzo, your guts will stick together. He cheated on me, his faithful slave, and with whom, with prostitutes.
“Freedom, Gershon, freedom. Our father Mordica Marx’s four illegitimate children, that I began to think about the offspring. What’s the use of our mating? It’s no use. So get used to it. Maybe the hookers should be done with, but Inessa will come to me, Innes From Paris, and she will become my second wife. And suddenly the offspring. A genius can’t die like this without leaving someone behind.
“And I?” Another betrayal. How many times have