The Female Leader. Sonja Becker
is the wrong way. And everything that you do will not only grow stunted, but also go in the wrong direction.
Career barriers: Bustle, panic and tactics
A
mission is a good reason why you do something and which direction you work towards.
You unleash an unbelievable amount of energy and drive. You suddenly feel power. And that’s good: you will need all your convictions to overcome obstacles that inevitably lie in the way. Among them for example might be your own shortcomings. One of the main reasons for passive melancholia lies in the belief that you won’t do anything wrong if you don’t do anything – a wildly inaccurate assumption, but that need not interest us here. It is a matter of course that you make mistakes as soon as you start on something. Good trainers allow mistakes in order to study them. For then they can be dealt with as soon as they arise – otherwise not. The second reason is that your image is almost never congruent to your character. You can change, while others still have the same picture of you. You will often experience this when you deal with people whom you haven’t seen for a long time. On these occasions you are still in the old condition, which you have long left behind. For one is always in a position to correct oneself on the road to success.
Every contact, every conversation brings an experience with it which you build into your business strategy for the next time. Therefore your performance becomes more and more perfect. If there were no tactics, there is the third reason. Your desire to get on with everyone and simply to do nothing wrong can lead to you losing sight of your mission: you are everything under the sun, but no longer yourself.
It is better to lose a client than to lose your character. For if no one can classify you correctly – if, for example, you present yourself as the well-known “jack of all trades” – they will not take you seriously any more. The market shows that you are more successful if you specialize in something. For you have exactly the right, loyal customers for your service. Still of course it doesn’t do any harm to update yourself regularly to show who you are.
Every human being is in a state of permanent growth, and it’s fun to demonstrate this growth. Nothing is sadder than the inclination to press people into clichés. On the other hand it is a means of giving a basis to a relationship with someone, just like remembering somebody’s name. But everyone likes to be surprised, above all when it is something to do with “the latest state of affairs” with regard to you. Produce regular updates about yourself, as in the form of circulars, newsletters, updates, Christmas letters and New Year greetings. If someone still sees you as a grown-up little girl, that’s your fault. You see reality more clearly if you are in tune with your image. But be prepared for the fact that not everything you see is wonderful. For one thing, some of your abilities will not survive the ordeal. For another the decision to follow a course will perhaps force you into realizing that it is the wrong one – but that is much better than not even starting. Perhaps you have too little patience. Or you give in too easily. Perhaps you are even at the point where you begrudge other people what they have. Without realizing it, you are always finding the fly in the ointment; you question everything, and only look at the negative sides. If you diagnose these symptoms, you are still in the dark salon of melancholia: unconsciously you have the feeling that others must be responsible for your fate. However, you are not responsible, not responsible at all. Don’t look for reasons any further but go into action. As soon as you start up your business you will be faced with the problem of having to suppress your appearing mistakes and characteristics in flux, so to speak. In every business meeting other people will pose questions by which you can measure and recognize yourself. That is wonderful. If everything were so simple and static the whole business wouldn’t be any fun. Everything is in flux, and you permanently work on a traveling ship. Every step takes you further. Instead of sitting around and holding conversations about yourself and your self-awareness, throw off this melancholia and learn about yourself through action.
A further important step in getting to know your strengths and weaknesses of your activities is the help of people whom you like and value. Ask them to be honest with you. Politeness is out of place here. The nice friends with the prosecco are drinking only to your misery which drags you down further. We mean the people with good intentions whose views don’t correspond to yours, and on account of which you always try to pretend something else which they see through: your mother, your ex-friend, your brother. Simple feedback – instead of criticism, pieces of advice or formulas – will already help you to jump onto the path that is the only right one – your own. Ask them if there are things that don’t agree with your real intentions: if you are pretending to be somebody other than you are. Perhaps it is only about the correct presentation of patterns of behavior, ways of presenting yourself which don’t suit you according to their opinion. For example: “As soon as you are in company of people who can be useful to you, you play up like a superstar who expects to be paid for their appearance. The first goes down well, the second doesn’t.” Draw up appropriate rules in order to play a part that pays off: your own. Everything else is a waste of energy. Quite a few things that you read here give you a light sting. Just take time to go through them one after the other and to observe your perceptions after a few days. How did I get here? What is right about it and what not? Where am I? Where do I want to go?
The human brain is happy to remain on the subjective side, and so it is incredibly difficult to look at yourself from an objective perspective without other people’s help. Other people always have a certain impression of you. Those who know you well give you exactly the feedback on what suits you and what doesn’t. Try it. Let people who have no vested interest tell you who you are and how you present yourself, and how, where and why these two things differ from each other. That is not necessarily to say that you are intrinsically a self-obsessed, arrogant person. Perhaps you even underestimate yourself, hide your light under a bushel too much, and in fact have more greatness and beauty in you than you admit to. Whatever: if you go along with your personality you will be unbeatable.
At this point in your career you simply have to think about yourself as objectively as you can. You are at the point when your calling card coincides with your personality. If so far you have only been doing things for fun you have not been taking yourself seriously. Then why should others take you seriously?
When you have jumped this hurdle other perspectives open up. Suddenly you can tell what is and what isn’t okay. You stop being ironic. You mean what you say. You are listened to. You are accepted and respected. Such a realistic perception will arise at every threshold of a new level of business. In the course of time the fog of routine will always lie over your doings, and when you wake, it will only happen through your fundamental awareness of yourself and your situation.
With a clear, realistic and completely critical view of yourself, you can learn a lot from other people. For example, people who think completely differently from yourself. It is unbelievable what dimensions other points of view have, and not only through encounters with other cultures. Even an insight into the world of your neighbor can have many new things in store for you. Furthermore you now have the ability to think about scenarios in which you yourself take part in. You will inevitably feel whether you are comfortable in the role in which you find yourself. Your reason will in turn tell you what lies in your path and what doesn’t. As soon as you tread a path there will be bandits. If you have a realistic view of yourself and your aims your reason will tell you what and who is good for you and what not. Your logical understanding quickly grasps the problems. It is the bulwark against the mental inclination to jump between options, to acknowledge your point of view as the only valid one and not allow other interpretations.
Stand by yourself. Feedback from others is control enough. Stop making excuses and justifying yourself. Don’t be continually asking why you did this or that. You can quietly throw the things you have concocted out of doubt into a pot. The main point is that you accept these things. The results speak for themselves, even if you are trailing 2:3 at halftime. Congratulate yourself on your realistic view of things. Only then can you think about what to do in the second half.
Bonding is everything in our increasingly productless service economy. In order to fulfill your mission you work daily in close contact with your fellow human beings: partners, friends, colleagues, employees,