Fire of Transformation. Gora Devi
I truly had the impression that He really is the only one to be my guru and that it would be futile to continue wandering around in circles looking for someone else.
Ambaji, 4 August 1972
Babaji took me with Him together with many Indian devotees on a trip to Ambaji, in Gujarat, to visit a famous and ancient temple dedicated to the Divine Mother Amba. It is an incredible place and inside a huge crowd had assembled with hundreds of people standing in line waiting to pranam to Babaji. We all sit for hours on end singing and looking at Him and I ask myself why we do this, why we continue to watch Him all the time, while He just sits and looks back at us. There exists a strange, magnetic attraction, difficult to describe, and in His presence many things are happening inside me, as if He is a powerful catalyst for our collective energy. Everything about Him speaks of harmony and perfection: His gestures, His movements and His form are completely seductive. The mind is brought to another dimension, to a state of peace and inner awareness.
The Indians here adore Him as God manifest on earth and prostrate themselves before Him offering their souls, their humility, their prayers and hopes. I would prefer to be like them, not so intellectual but with greater simplicity and purity. Every time I pranam to Him there is pandemonium in my mind, a turmoil of absurd and conflicting thoughts, at times violent and unpleasant. I feel guilty in His presence and would so much like to be at peace.
10 August 1972
Today we travelled with Babaji to Koteshvar, to an ancient temple in the jungle. The building is constructed of white marble, with all the niches and statues carved out of the stone. Babaji resides here in a small underground room. In the evening I dance in front of hundreds of people, the majority of them coming from the villages nearby and living a simple and extremely basic existence. They look at me, this visitor from the West, the white stranger, as if I am a magical being. They gather around me, touching me, prostrating themselves before me: I must be very careful and pay close attention to my ego.
Datha, 20 August 1972
Today we have moved on to a Maharajas palace, a real fortress; inside there are many grand rooms decorated with tiger skins. The way in which the women live here has had a considerable effect on me: they live in isolation, never going outside the palace or seeing any man other than members of their own family. They sit together all day long, chatting, or busying themselves with small tasks, reminiscent of a scene from the Middle Ages. Babaji is treated as if He were a great king and suddenly I see Him behaving just like that, sitting on an elaborate throne, dressed in royal clothes and with a regal countenance.
Vrindavan, 25 August 1972
We have come back to Vrindavan and the police have paid me a visit, having discovered that I am living here without a visa, which expired a long time ago. The fact is that I haven't even bothered to do anything about it, following my impulsive anarchistic nature, wanting to stay here without the necessary papers as a matter of principle, an expression of my sense of freedom. But now I am in trouble and the police have told me that I have to leave India within three days.
I run immediately to Babaji, who asks me what I want to do and if I would like to go to Nepal. I agree, since I wish to meet the Tibetan Lamas there and smiling He asks me if I know any Tibetan mantras. He also told me that I could ask a question of Him if I wish, and so I inquire if I should go back to Italy or if I should stay in India. Babaji replied softly: 'You will stay all your life in India at My feet.' I also asked if He could see my past lives and He said that in my previous life I was an Indian woman in Almora with a family and children and before that, a Tibetan queen devoted to Lord Shiva. He told me not to worry, because I have His blessing and that I will come back to India and to Him.
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