The Courageous Classroom. Jed Dearybury

       Jed: Dr. Janet, after years of reflection, I still think about Kimmie and her time in my classroom. What are some strategies that you would suggest to teachers like me, who haven't been adequately trained to help students like her?

       Dr. Janet: When we are faced with the pain of others, whether it's students or our clients, we want to help. Our own level of experience or perceived competence can make us feel inadequate or under trained and, frankly, fearful. It's important to understand that by being there and holding a space of calm and a desire to understand them, we can observe, listen, and mindfully create a plan for their safety. You can't teach compassion, but we all have the capacity. Being a trauma-informed teacher can be learned. Given the high number of students who have been exposed to trauma, it's a necessary skill. A strategy would be to non-judgmentally assess the situation. Push away the gremlin (inner critic) who tells you, “You can't handle it.” Listen to understand what the student needs at the moment, and then familiarize yourself with your school's resources. Avoid using phrases like, “It's going to be alright” or “stop yelling” and ask, “What do you need?” “How can I help?” When calm has resumed, debrief with a colleague or supervisor to learn and share best practices.

       Jed: I often hear the phrase “hold space.” Can you elaborate a bit more about what that means?

       Dr. Janet: Holding the space refers to honoring the interaction and communication between you and another person. Most of the communication is non-verbal and the deepest listening is when no words are spoken but you notice and feel. It means pushing down your anxiety or angst and being fully present, not compelled to answer or solve but simply to be.

       Jed: Can you share some examples of non-verbal communication that we may see?

       Dr. Janet: I always look for discrepancies. You may see a tearful child who says, “I'm okay” or one who balls up their fists and doesn't make eye contact. The point is not to ignore their presentation by listening to their words but by carefully, critically looking at them and trying to feel what they are giving off. When someone has their arms folded or head down, it's usually a cue that they feel some angst. Try to lead by observing their stance and eye contact – that often speak volumes more than their words.

       Adversity: Acknowledge and describe your fear including the who, what, when, and where of the situation.

       Belief: Write down what you were thinking and saying to yourself in the middle of your fearful situation or adversity.

       Consequences: Write down the consequences of what you thought, felt, and did. Be specific, listing all the emotions and reactions that you can identify.

       Dispute: Actively challenge an inaccuracy that you now recognize about your beliefs and fear. Try to create a more optimistic and accurate belief about your fear. For example, you may say, “My fear is not completely true because …” or “A more accurate way of looking at this situation is …”

       Energy: Reflect and recognize how disputing your belief changed your energy. Notice what happened to your mood. How did your behavior change? What solutions do you see now that you didn't before?