The Complete Works of Shakespeare. William Shakespeare
the mart, and that I beat him,
And charg’d him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
E. Dro.
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know:
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show;
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
E. Ant.
I think thou art an ass.
E. Dro.
Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kick’d, and being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
E. Ant.
Y’ are sad, Signior Balthazar, pray God our cheer
May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
Balth.
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
E. Ant.
O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
Balth.
Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
E. Ant.
And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.
Balth.
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
E. Ant.
Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But soft, my door is lock’d; go bid them let us in.
E. Dro.
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cic’ly, Gillian, Ginn!
S. Dro. [Within.]
Mome, malt-horse, capon, cox-comb, idiot, patch!
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch;
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store,
When one is one too many? Go get thee from the door.
E. Dro.
What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
S. Dro. [Within.]
Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on ’s feet.
E. Ant.
Who talks within there? Ho, open the door!
S. Dro. [Within.]
Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, and you’ll tell me wherefore.
E. Ant.
Wherefore? For my dinner: I have not din’d to-day.
S. Dro. [Within.]
Nor to-day here you must not, come again when you may.
E. Ant.
What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
S. Dro. [Within.]
The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
E. Dro.
O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name:
The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou wouldst have chang’d thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.
Enter Luce [within].
Luce [Within.]
What a coil is there, Dromio?
Who are those at the gate?
E. Dro.
Let my master in, Luce.
Luce [Within.]
Faith, no, he comes too late,
And so tell your master.
E. Dro.
O Lord, I must laugh!
Have at you with a proverb—Shall I set in my staff?
Luce [Within.]
Have at you with another, that’s—When? can you tell?
S. Dro. [Within.]
If thy name be called Luce—Luce, thou hast answer’d him well.
E. Ant.
Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?
Luce [Within.]
I thought to have ask’d you.
S. Dro. [Within.]
And you said no.
E. Dro.
So come help: well strook! there was blow for blow.
E. Ant.
Thou baggage, let me in.
Luce [Within.]
Can you tell for whose sake?
E. Dro.
Master, knock the door hard.
Luce [Within.]
Let him knock till it ache.
E. Ant.
You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
Luce [Within.]
What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
Enter Adriana [within].
Adr [Within.]
Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
S. Dro. [Within.]
By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
E. Ant.
Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
Adr [Within.]
Your wife, sir knave? Go get you from the door.
E. Dro.
If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
Ang.