The Complete 12 Novels of Mark Twain. Mark Twain
My dear sir, I am obliged to knock some of your expenses in the head — for never a cent was paid a Congressman or Senator on the part of this Navigation Company.”
The president smiled blandly, even sweetly, all through this harangue, and then said:
“Is that so?”
“Every word of it.”
“Well it does seem to alter the complexion of things a little. You are acquainted with the members down there, of course, else you could not have worked to such advantage?”
“I know them all, sir. I know their wives, their children, their babies — I even made it a point to be on good terms with their lackeys. I know every Congressman well — even familiarly.”
“Very good. Do you know any of their signatures? Do you know their handwriting?”
“Why I know their handwriting as well as I know my own — have had correspondence enough with them, I should think. And their signatures — why I can tell their initials, even.”
The president went to a private safe, unlocked it and got out some letters and certain slips of paper. Then he said:
“Now here, for instance; do you believe that that is a genuine letter? Do you know this signature here? — and this one? Do you know who those initials represent — and are they forgeries?”
Harry was stupefied. There were things there that made his brain swim. Presently, at the bottom of one of the letters he saw a signature that restored his equilibrium; it even brought the sunshine of a smile to his face.
The president said:
“That one amuses you. You never suspected him?”
“Of course I ought to have suspected him, but I don’t believe it ever really occurred to me. Well, well, well — how did you ever have the nerve to approach him, of all others?”
“Why my friend, we never think of accomplishing anything without his help. He is our mainstay. But how do those letters strike you?”
“They strike me dumb! What a stone-blind idiot I have been!”
“Well, take it all around, I suppose you had a pleasant time in Washington,” said the president, gathering up the letters; “of course you must have had. Very few men could go there and get a money bill through without buying a single — ”
“Come, now, Mr. President, that’s plenty of that! I take back everything I said on that head. I’m a wiser man to-day than I was yesterday, I can tell you.”
“I think you are. In fact I am satisfied you are. But now I showed you these things in confidence, you understand. Mention facts as much as you want to, but don’t mention names to anybody. I can depend on you for that, can’t I?”
“Oh, of course. I understand the necessity of that. I will not betray the names. But to go back a bit, it begins to look as if you never saw any of that appropriation at all?”
“We saw nearly ten thousand dollars of it — and that was all. Several of us took turns at log-rolling in Washington, and if we had charged anything for that service, none of that $10,000 would ever have reached New York.”
“If you hadn’t levied the assessment you would have been in a close place I judge?”
“Close? Have you figured up the total of the disbursements I told you of?”
“No, I didn’t think of that.”
“Well, lets see:
Spent in Washington, say,
$191,000
Printing, advertising, etc, say
$118,000
Charity, say,
$16,000
Total,
$325,000
The money to do that with, comes from —
Appropriation,
$200,000
Ten per cent assessment on capital of
$1,000,000
$100,000
Total,
$300,000
“Which leaves us in debt some $25,000 at this moment. Salaries of home officers are still going on; also printing and advertising. Next month will show a state of things!”
“And then — burst up, I suppose?”
“By no means. Levy another assessment”
“Oh, I see. That’s dismal.”
“By no means.”
“Why isn’t it? What’s the road out?”
“Another appropriation, don’t you see?”
“Bother the appropriations. They cost more than they come to.”
“Not the next one. We’ll call for half a million — get it and go for a million the very next month.”
“Yes, but the cost of it!”
The president smiled, and patted his secret letters affectionately. He said:
“All these people are in the next Congress. We shan’t have to pay them a cent. And what is more, they will work like beavers for us — perhaps it might be to their advantage.”
Harry reflected profoundly a while. Then he said:
“We send many missionaries to lift up the benighted races of other lands. How much cheaper and better it would be if those people could only come here and drink of our civilization at its fountain head.”
“I perfectly agree with you, Mr. Beverly. Must you go? Well, good morning. Look in, when you are passing; and whenever I can give you any information about our affairs and prospects, I shall be glad to do it.”
Harry’s letter was not a long one, but it contained at least the calamitous figures that came out in the above conversation. The Colonel found himself in a rather uncomfortable place — no $1,200 salary forthcoming; and himself held responsible for half of the $9,640 due the workmen, to say nothing of being in debt to the company to the extent of nearly $4,000. Polly’s heart was nearly broken; the “blues” returned in fearful force, and she had to go out of the room to hide the tears that nothing could keep back now.
There was mourning in another quarter, too, for Louise had a letter. Washington had refused, at the last moment, to take $40,000 for the Tennessee Land, and had demanded $150,000! So the trade fell through, and now Washington was wailing because he had been so foolish. But he wrote that his man might probably return to the city soon, and then he meant to sell to him, sure, even if he had to take $10,000. Louise had a good cry — several of them, indeed — and the family charitably forebore to make any comments that would increase her grief.
Spring blossomed, summer came, dragged its hot weeks by, and the Colonel’s spirits rose, day by day, for the railroad was making good progress. But by and by something happened. Hawkeye had always declined to subscribe anything toward the railway, imagining that her large business would be a sufficient compulsory influence; but now Hawkeye was frightened; and before Col. Sellers knew what he was about, Hawkeye, in a panic, had rushed to the front and subscribed such a sum that Napoleon’s attractions suddenly sank into insignificance and the railroad concluded to follow a comparatively straight coarse instead of going miles out of its way to build up a metropolis in the muddy desert of Stone’s Landing.
The thunderbolt fell. After all the Colonel’s deep planning; after all his brain work and tongue work in drawing