The Complete 12 Novels of Mark Twain. Mark Twain
you? But you remember I was interrupted, and did not explain to you — ”
“Never mind, I know. You must make him make that speech. I very particularly desire it.”
“Oh, it is easy to say make him do it, but how am I to make him!”
“It is perfectly easy; I have thought it all out.”
She then went into the details. At length Mr. Buckstone said:
“I see now. I can manage it, I am sure. Indeed I wonder he never thought of it himself — there are no end of precedents. But how is this going to benefit you, after I have managed it? There is where the mystery lies.”
“But I will take care of that. It will benefit me a great deal.”
“I only wish I could see how; it is the oddest freak. You seem to go the furthest around to get at a thing — but you are in earnest, aren’t you?”
“Yes I am, indeed.”
“Very well, I will do it — but why not tell me how you imagine it is going to help you?”
“I will, by and by. — Now there is nobody talking to him. Go straight and do it, there’s a good fellow.”
A moment or two later the two sworn friends of the Pension bill were talking together, earnestly, and seemingly unconscious of the moving throng about them. They talked an hour, and then Mr. Buckstone came back and said:
“He hardly fancied it at first, but he fell in love with it after a bit. And we have made a compact, too. I am to keep his secret and he is to spare me, in future, when he gets ready to denounce the supporters of the University bill — and I can easily believe he will keep his word on this occasion.”
A fortnight elapsed, and the University bill had gathered to itself many friends, meantime. Senator Dilworthy began to think the harvest was ripe. He conferred with Laura privately. She was able to tell him exactly how the House would vote. There was a majority — the bill would pass, unless weak members got frightened at the last, and deserted — a thing pretty likely to occur. The Senator said:
“I wish we had one more good strong man. Now Trollop ought to be on our side, for he is a friend of the negro. But he is against us, and is our bitterest opponent. If he would simply vote No, but keep quiet and not molest us, I would feel perfectly cheerful and content. But perhaps there is no use in thinking of that.”
“Why I laid a little plan for his benefit two weeks ago. I think he will be tractable, maybe. He is to come here tonight.”
“Look out for him, my child! He means mischief, sure. It is said that he claims to know of improper practices having been used in the interest of this bill, and he thinks he sees a chance to make a great sensation when the bill comes up. Be wary. Be very, very careful, my dear. Do your very ablest talking, now. You can convince a man of anything, when you try. You must convince him that if anything improper has been done, you at least are ignorant of it and sorry for it. And if you could only persuade him out of his hostility to the bill, too — but don’t overdo the thing; don’t seem too anxious, dear.”
“I won’t; I’ll be ever so careful. I’ll talk as sweetly to him as if he were my own child! You may trust me — indeed you may.”
The doorbell rang.
“That is the gentleman now,” said Laura. Senator Dilworthy retired to his study.
Laura welcomed Mr. Trollop, a grave, carefully dressed and very respectable looking man, with a bald head, standing collar and old fashioned watch seals.
“Promptness is a virtue, Mr. Trollop, and I perceive that you have it. You are always prompt with me.”
“I always meet my engagements, of every kind, Miss Hawkins.”
“It is a quality which is rarer in the world than it has been, I believe. I wished to see you on business, Mr. Trollop.”
“I judged so. What can I do for you?”
“You know my bill — the Knobs University bill?”
“Ah, I believe it is your bill. I had forgotten. Yes, I know the bill.”
“Well, would you mind telling me your opinion of it?”
“Indeed, since you seem to ask it without reserve, I am obliged to say that I do not regard it favorably. I have not seen the bill itself, but from what I can hear, it — it — well, it has a bad look about it. It — ”
“Speak it out — never fear.”
“Well, it — they say it contemplates a fraud upon the government.”
“Well?” said Laura tranquilly.
“Well! I say ‘Well?’ too.”
“Well, suppose it were a fraud — which I feel able to deny — would it be the first one?”
“You take a body’s breath away! Would you — did you wish me to vote for it? Was that what you wanted to see me about?”
“Your instinct is correct. I did want you — I do want you to vote for it.”
“Vote for a fr — for a measure which is generally believed to be at least questionable? I am afraid we cannot come to an understanding, Miss Hawkins.”
“No, I am afraid not — if you have resumed your principles, Mr. Trollop.”
“Did you send for me merely to insult me? It is time for me to take my leave, Miss Hawkins.”
“No — wait a moment. Don’t be offended at a trifle. Do not be offish and unsociable. The Steamship Subsidy bill was a fraud on the government. You voted for it, Mr. Trollop, though you always opposed the measure until after you had an interview one evening with a certain Mrs. McCarter at her house. She was my agent. She was acting for me. Ah, that is right — sit down again. You can be sociable, easily enough if you have a mind to. Well? I am waiting. Have you nothing to say?”
“Miss Hawkins, I voted for that bill because when I came to examine into it — ”
“Ah yes. When you came to examine into it. Well, I only want you to examine into my bill. Mr. Trollop, you would not sell your vote on that subsidy bill — which was perfectly right — but you accepted of some of the stock, with the understanding that it was to stand in your brother-in-law’s name.”
“There is no pr — I mean, this is, utterly groundless, Miss Hawkins.” But the gentleman seemed somewhat uneasy, nevertheless.
“Well, not entirely so, perhaps. I and a person whom we will call Miss Blank (never mind the real name,) were in a closet at your elbow all the while.”
Mr. Trollop winced — then he said with dignity:
“Miss Hawkins is it possible that you were capable of such a thing as that?”
“It was bad; I confess that. It was bad. Almost as bad as selling one’s vote for — but I forget; you did not sell your vote — you only accepted a little trifle, a small token of esteem, for your brother-in-law. Oh, let us come out and be frank with each other: I know you, Mr. Trollop. I have met you on business three or four times; true, I never offered to corrupt your principles — never hinted such a thing; but always when I had finished sounding you, I manipulated you through an agent. Let us be frank. Wear this comely disguise of virtue before the public — it will count there; but here it is out of place. My dear sir, by and by there is going to be an investigation into that National Internal Improvement Directors’ Relief Measure of a few years ago, and you know very well that you will be a crippled man, as likely as not, when it is completed.”
“It cannot be shown that a man is a knave merely for owning that stock. I am not distressed about the National Improvement Relief Measure.”
“Oh indeed I am