The chance to start a new life. How to make a conscious choice. Ida Prem (Turkan Gasimova)
If this is accepted as an axiom, conflicts, clashes, disputes will disappear, because you will stop imposing your point of view and picture of the world on others. Every person has the right to express their truth, learn to express your truth gently and confidently, find the right words. It is important to maintain a balance so that your borders are not affected, and the person is not offended. This law imposes certain responsibilities on you. If you have decided to carry your truth, realize that others have the right to express their opinion about you, which may be unpleasant to you. What matters is the message with which you speak your truth. And if your goal is to offend, humiliate a person, then you will get a “return”. If you lovingly express your point of view, even the unpleasant truth, it is quite possible that a person will listen to you, even if not from the first time.
All these laws are intertwined with each other. It is impossible to draw a line where the action of one law begins and the manifestation of another ends. By applying these basic laws, you can change your outlook on life, and then life itself. It is important that they take root in you, and you follow them simply on “autopilot”.
Chapter 3. Feeling of emptiness in life
“When you walk, don’t walk mechanically, don’t keep watching it – be it. When you dance, don’t do it technically; technique is irrelevant. You can dance technically correctly but miss all the joy of dancing. Dissolve yourself in the dance, become a dance, forget about the dancer.”
This chapter is primarily for those who, after reading a few statements, will find themselves. But even if this does not happen, I still advise you to read it, since each new line will give answers to various questions and in general will help you realize yourself, in particular, those aspects that you have so carefully hidden from yourself for many years. But at this stage you will have to face these possibly unpleasant aspects and go deeper into your fears. If at least one or more statements seem true to you, if from time to time there is a feeling that in this life you are like an uninvited guest at someone else’s holiday, if you feel that you do not live, but just sit on the edge of the bench and do not feel like a full participant in this life, do not accept your full right to live, enjoy the benefits of this life, be yourself and do what you want, this chapter is for you, and it will help you a lot to stop living on an emotional swing that constantly throws you to the right, then to the left. What does it mean? This means that your self-awareness, your self-esteem, your attitude towards yourself, self-love is very much dependent on the opinions and assessments of others, and how you accept yourself depends on how you are treated, and sometimes even a disapproving look is enough, to make you lose your confidence. If all this is about you, sit back and dive into this chapter. If you are often offended, do not know how to stand up for yourself, if you have difficulty in calmly and intelligibly conveying to another person that you have been treated unfairly, and instead of defending your rights with confidence, a bunch of uncontrollable emotions appear – this chapter is for you. And also for those who would like to reveal their full potential, and especially the potential of communication, that is, learn to communicate with ease, with dignity and be able to be themselves, without adjusting to anyone.
In this chapter, as you may have already realized, we will talk about emotional awareness. How can you learn to control your emotions? How to learn not to be offended, how to learn to take responsibility for yourself, for your thoughts and for your feelings? This topic is incredibly necessary, interesting, and unfortunately, poorly covered, very few authors touch on it. The fact is that emotional conscious maturity brings a person to a completely new level of life, a qualitatively new level of life. What is emotional maturity, and is it an innate concept. No, it is not innate. Emotional maturity is something that a person develops in themselves throughout their life. Unfortunately, practice shows that very few people go through this process of emotional maturation at all. A person is born, goes through the adolescence, goes through the youth, maturity, old age, and even dies without having matured emotionally. That is, emotionally remaining in the state of a child, although in their understanding everything is alright with them.
And as I mentioned earlier, these emotional negative programs of ours are based on a variety of emotions – the state of the demanding, the state of the needy, and even chronic impotence. An emotionally adult or emotionally mature person is not a bore who knows everything, and already knows everything in advance, and nothing worries them. No, an emotionally mature person is an individual who has taken responsibility for their emotional state and who can consciously stop the flow of negative thoughts at some point, directing them in the right direction by saying to themselves – “What more resource can I think about or what action plan to develop, to reach your goal.” This is a person who is aware of the responsibility for their emotional state. Only for their own and for no one else’s. An emotionally mature people do not blame anyone, and most importantly, does not condemn themselves. They understand that any situation in life is also their responsibility, and if such people have a moment in life that does not suit them, then they do one of two things. They either change the circumstances, or make a conscious decision to get out of them, or revise their attitude, abandoning their expectations. In fact, this is a very mature act – consciously, not just lowering the bar, but consciously changing your expectations, your attitude to the situation. At first, this is difficult to do, but in the future, everything will go smoothly, and you will be satisfied with your new perception.
Why do some people, or rather most people, never grow up? Well, in short, the following happens: when a child grows up, it is severely deprived of the right to have their own opinion, to be independent. Overly caring mothers, controlling mothers or authoritarian parents do not contribute to the development and formation, but only hinder the maturity of a person. And often you can see that, already being an adult, they still remain a child in their relationship with parents, everything is the same as in childhood, they are afraid of them, and some even continue to financially depend on their parents. Or the same thing happens in a personal relationship with a partner. This is also a very obvious sign that a person is absolutely immature emotionally. Even when a person enters the so-called adult life, this does not mean at all that emotional maturity will come to them over the years. A person gets a job and continues to play the unconscious role of a child in conjunction with their employer, with their superiors. And you will be surprised how many even elderly people are around who have not known and have not realized what emotional maturity is all their lives.
Emotional maturity is one of the base plates in the foundation of a successful fulfilling life, moreover, it is one of the main keys to fulfilling relationships, it is the key to financial independence, the key to being able to create your own business, to be in the public eye, to be able to stand up for your point of view and interests. Signs of an immature person are, first of all, chronic resentment. That is, overly touchy and oversensitive people who are often offended, become isolated – these are emotionally immature people. The next is people who are afraid to stand up for themselves and again use offense instead of defending their rights. That is, they are afraid and in the state of a child, but they are in no way aware of this, and if a person does not know and does not study themselves, and you tell them about it directly, they can throw stones at you. And instead of adequately clarifying the situation, such people will most likely either become isolated, offended, will be very upset, reproach themselves inside, or, conversely, their reaction becomes overly emotional, aggression and rage, which spills out because emotionally immature people, like children, are afraid to show their anger. They are afraid that they will be punished for this. Otherwise, it is difficult for them to express their emotions and their thoughts. However, I repeat, this is just a starting point. This can be changed and if this is your problem, and if this is your case, then this chapter will be very useful for you. Another feature of emotionally immature people is shifting responsibility to others, such people look for the guilty, look for excuses and do not miss the opportunity to blame someone for their failures. And at the same time, these people very rarely radically change something themselves. Usually, they wait for the situation to resolve itself, and the course of life will simply take them somewhere