Sex in a Tent. Michelle Waitzman
the book myself. Now, after a lot of fulfilling “research,” I am making it my mission to bring passion and romance to campers everywhere. I’m here to tell you that camping doesn’t just bring you closer to nature, it brings you closer to each other. It’s time to check out a whole new world of nature at its naughtiest!
Great Sex and the Great Outdoors
Consider your usual love life at home. If you’re like most of us, it gets squeezed in between working too much, making dinner, shopping, taking care of the kids, mowing the lawn, and a million other boring tasks. If you’re lucky, you’ve set aside a date night when you regularly have sex in the bedroom after dinner and a movie. The lights are out, and you’re on auto-pilot. It’s hard to be inspired when everything around you is so familiar and predictable.
Now consider your relationship outside of that bedroom box. Imagine spending a whole day walking hand in hand through the forest, flirting like you did when you first met. Picture your protective instincts kicking in when you think you might be lost. Connect with your most primitive passions and imagine lying in a pile of fallen leaves, naked with your soul mate (or perhaps your first date). It’s not your usual Saturday night in—and it’s bound to take you places you don’t normally go.
Venturing into the wilderness with your partner creates a different dynamic in your relationship. You’ll have to throw away the typical gender roles. Women will have to pull their weight when it comes to carrying gear, and men will have to help out with dinner. And if you want to take a break from your regular roles during sex, well, that’s not a bad idea, either. Maybe it’s the lady’s turn to talk dirty. Perhaps your bandana would make a handy blindfold. Here’s your chance to push your boundaries and try something new.
Couples therapist Perel sees camping as a time when partners can really shake up the way they relate. “There’s something that goes beyond gender, into competencies and sensibilities,” she explains. “If one partner is more competent at home, but in nature, the other is more competent and has the power, the roles have shifted because he is at ease in that environment. So people who are shy at home might be more daring when they’re camping.”
For Kiwi camping enthusiast Justine, the “rough and ready” version of her man is a total turn-on. “There’s nothing sexier than seeing your partner happy in the bush with a streak of mud on his face,” she says.
It’s no surprise that we get the hots for our partners when we see this survivalist streak in them. It’s a matter of looking at someone you know all too well in a new light. Maybe you’re accustomed to seeing your guy lazing on the couch watching the game; when you watch him rigging a makeshift shelter, it’s a bit like discovering an endangered species. It’s intriguing and thrilling at the same time—is this really my man? “Very often, people are most attracted when their partner’s ‘otherness’ is accentuated—when they are competent doing things you can’t do,” Perel says. “There is a mystery—you see them from a distance. He’s doing something that is his that has nothing to do with me.” Whether it’s catching fish for dinner or climbing a rock face, it feels great to remember why you admire the one you love.
My friend Maria recently got into a relationship with an outdoorsman. At first she was nervous about joining his adventures, but once she gave it a try, she found his wild side very attractive. “He is gorgeous at any time, but there is something about the wind in his hair, the color the mountain air puts in his cheeks, the effort of the exercise that makes him completely irresistible,” she says. Seeing him so confident in the wilderness is part of his appeal. “He’s spent a lot of time outdoors, doing some, what I would call ‘extreme’ sports (though I’m sure he would deny that they were extreme), and so he feels comfortable and happy during our trips,” Maria adds.
For me, sometimes it’s my own outdoorsy side that provides the spark. I feel so confident and inspired when I get to the end of a tough trail or reach the top of a mountain, that my self-esteem soars. Feeling so great about myself translates into feeling strong and sexy. I’m rarely the sexual aggressor at home, but inside the tent, I’m ready to say I’ve earned it! It’s not just the boys who look good with a bit of dirt under their fingernails.
Camping as a Couple
When I surveyed couples for this book, I was surprised by how many of them simply didn’t have a sex life when they went camping. There are people who think of camping as something to do with their buddies, so when they camp, they tend to treat their partner the same way—like a buddy.
Your buddies may think it’s hilarious when you pee over the side of the canoe, but your wife is less likely to be amused. I’ve been on group trips where the guys belched and farted around the campfire like it was half the fun of being there. The girls just rolled their eyes. The men needed to stop and think about how they behave on camping trips, and compare it to how they usually act around their partners. I’m willing to bet that none of those women was in a big hurry to have hot sex with her guy that night.
Suffice to say, bringing together your love life and your love of the outdoors may be a bit of an adjustment. Lifelong campers usually start out considering it an asexual hobby—more about toughing it out than indulging their fantasies. But spending time outside is a sensual experience. People go into the woods to awaken their senses—to feel the wind on their faces, to breathe the clean, fresh air, and to let the sun warm their skin. Jessica, a camper from Michigan, told me that she thinks it’s perfectly natural for those highly sensual feelings to add romance to her camping trips.
“All of your senses are alive in nature,” she says. “Being out in the woods is a natural buzz anyway, but there’s something about being ‘wild and free’ with your partner. There is nothing more romantic than cuddling with my husband under a sky full of stars, or waking up in the perfect quiet of dawn.”
Camping can be about indulging your senses, but it can also be a romantically indulgent experience. No longer is it all about denying yourself luxuries and suffering against the elements with the barest of essentials. Camping has discovered decadence! Even the outdoor gear and clothing companies sense the romance in the air. You don’t have to shop at Victoria’s Secret for thong underwear; you can buy it from Patagonia. And what better place to show it off than in MSR’s two-person tent, the Hubba Hubba? They’ve also got a model called the Fling—proving once and for all that even mountaineers have time for a quickie. When you’re ready to commit to your outdoor love life, you can pick up REI’s wedding cake topper featuring a couple in mountain-climbing gear. (That outdoor retailer has even introduced a wedding registry service, where you can order things like backcountry margarita glasses and even a Lexan blender to make cocktails.) Couples everywhere are making it clear that camping is a big part of their relationships.
“Our industry has been asleep when it comes to sexiness,” admits Beaver Theodosakis, founder and president of Prana, the outdoor clothing company that had the groundbreaking idea of outfitting sexy climber bodies with equally sexy clothing. “I think that’s hurt the industry. The way the advertising used to be a picture of a guy out on a mountain by himself with ice in his beard. In our catalogs and ads, we try to show a more playful attitude, with guys and girls interacting and natural sexiness.” Yes, even mountain men have love lives these days.
Shifting your point of view to consider camping as a couple opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Couples who go camping together often find it improves their level of trust, their closeness, their ability to solve problems together, and their sex lives. One camper from New Zealand, Hillary, found that she could discuss things with her husband during camping trips that they would never talk about at home. Somehow, being outside makes him more open to conversation. For a lot of men, it comes down to feeling “in their element” out in the woods. For many women, leaving behind the worries of home and work makes the outdoors a great place to reconnect as well. It’s an environment where a couple can really come together. Getting back to basics while camping can bring you back to the basics of your relationship, too.
Heather, the camper from Arizona, finds that her husband can relax more in