Notoriously Dapper. Kelvin Davis
Understanding is deeper than just listening or paying attention. Putting yourself in someone else’s place or circumstance helps you understand. Acting on that understanding elevates who you are as a person. Some naturally understand from their own life’s experiences and others have to become understanding. If you are driving to work and you get a flat tire, you would hope that your boss or supervisor would understand your dilemma. Believe it or not, there are plenty of people who are not understanding until they need someone to be understanding of them. Our boss or supervisor isn’t immune to flat tires, getting sick, etc. That’s why it’s so important to always be understanding of every circumstance, because it could happen to you. As a husband and father you get a whole new sense of understanding. When you become a husband, you have to understand that it’s not just about you anymore; you have another person who is a part of your life. The decisions you make can not only affect you but affect them as well. Being a dad requires the strongest amount of understanding ever – you have got to be able to understand why it’s important for you to be around, how to make them smile, and correct them when they are in the wrong, but most importantly, show them how to love others. It’s a big responsibility and it’s not for everyone, but if you can do it while understanding the importance of being a good person, then you, my friend, have got this on lock.
5 5. Tolerance is a virtue; when one is tolerant of others then they can live freely. We live in a world where millions of people have different religious views, sexual orientations, and ways of living their own life. We cannot be distracted by all the bullshit and forget to be tolerant of one another. Just because someone loves differently than you, does not mean you should judge them, shame them, or attack them. We have seen what intolerance can do to a country. It can hurt or kill, and it can damage an entire society. We have to rise above and promote the tolerance of our differences. It’s the only way we can function as a world, we are not always going to see eye to eye or listen ear to ear. But we can agree to live our lives the way we want to without anyone telling us the opposite. Let other people do them, you do you. It’s that simple; keep it one hundred percent all day long. Tolerance can set us free, when we learn to be tolerant of others then we can truly live as one.
6 6. Last but surely not least is kindness. Kindness is always the answer, always. If you can’t be kind, then the first five essentials are going to be difficult for you. Kindness is the foundation for all of this. I mean what are thoughtfulness, awareness, love, understanding, and tolerance without kindness? Nothing, it is simply nothing but a bunch of empty false actions that mean shit. That’s the honest truth; you can say what you want. Without kindness all of this means nothing. Anything you do needs to involve kindness. When you’re being thoughtful, be thoughtful with kindness. When being tolerant, be tolerant with kindness. Be loving, understanding, and aware with kindness. Kindness is the foundation of all improvement in our character.
Dress well. Be nice. Smile. Repeat.
We ain’t picture perfect but we’re worth the picture still. #JCole
The clothes don’t make the man. They just help him look better. #Facts
“More poise, less noise.”
- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
There are 7.4 billion people who live in this world, and chances are we all have encountered some type of good deed from someone. It’s safe to say that if all 7 billion people were selfish and only thought about themselves, we would live in a pretty screwed-up world – a world where leaders never did anything to benefit their citizens, teachers never taught students, and so forth. We need people who have a kind spirit and want to help others. Help is what makes this world go around. As a man, asking for help or accepting help doesn’t make you weak in any way, shape, or form. If anything, it shows that you’re open-minded to the fact that someone could help you accomplish something you had trouble with. Little things like holding the door open for someone, giving up your seat on the subway, or even providing a listening ear to someone in distress can go a long way to help.
I touched on the characteristic of being aware in the first chapter. Being aware is going to help you become more selfless and kind. I was grocery shopping one day (which I rarely do) and couldn’t help but realize how many assholes there are in this world. It quickly reminded me why I don’t go grocery shopping often. People had their carts in other people’s way, no one would say excuse me, and worst of all, some entitled folks were cutting the deli line. Look, it doesn’t take much to say excuse me, please, and thank you….a damn THANK YOU! People work very hard at their jobs and deserve a “thank you” for serving you.
The most pleasant part about my grocery fiasco was checking out. This was not because I was leaving that hellhole, but because the cashier and the bagger were simply amazing. The cashier asked me how my day was going, and I said great. We had a brief conversation about the erratic behavior of the customers. He laughed during our talk and said, “We call it power hour, because for some reason, around this hour people are just powering their way through here with a purpose.” He was right. They were all in a rush and just simply forgot to be nice, I assume. As he was scanning my items, a male bagger came up and started bagging my groceries with a smile that could brighten up the darkest place in the world. His name was Cole (according to his badge), and he was full of life. He talked to me about football and what he planned on doing after he got off work. After bagging all my groceries, he offered to help load them up in my car. Although I declined, it was the thought that mattered to me. The simple act of kindness and thoughtfulness of offering a helping hand was enough.
As I was walking to my car, I saw a pregnant lady with her two toddlers who was clearly struggling to load her groceries into her car drop her keys on the ground. I was on the other side, so I figured someone closer would surely be kind enough to pick her keys up for her. I saw a guy walk by and say to her, “Ma’am – you dropped your keys there!” and then keep walking. I was thinking, “What the hell just happened?” He had just told a pregnant woman with two kids that her keys had fallen and then didn’t even think to help her pick them up. Thankfully, the (female) person right behind him picked them up for her. But I began to wonder why someone would do that. I mean, it’s a simple gesture that could have helped her a lot. Maybe no one had ever taught him to do such a thing, maybe he’d had bad experiences with helping others, especially women, or maybe he was just being an asshole. I don’t know what his reasoning was, but I do know if he had just picked up the keys for her, it would have helped her a great deal.
It got me thinking back to when I would make such gestures and people thought I was flirting with them. Yes, being nice has become so uncommon that some people mistake it for flirtation. I can name countless times that I have complimented someone and they replied, “I have a boyfriend”. Huh….okay, thanks for the memo, I have no interest in you whatsoever and I apologize for liking your floral dress. Believe it or not, ladies, a man can admire something about you without wanting to have sex with you, be with you, or even have ill intentions. When someone compliments the aesthetics of a building, no one says, “Well, the building isn’t interested in you;” it’s an irrelevant remark to something innocent and genuine. I’m simply saying, don’t take a compliment solely as someone’s way of being attracted to you. A lot of guys like myself who like art and fashion and have a creative mind don’t compliment you to hit on you. Take it as a nice thoughtful comment, say thank you, and keep it moving.
I believe that many men lack gentlemanly gestures for two reasons; one, people take it the wrong way, which causes some men to stop wanting to be a gentleman because they see no reward in being one, and two, that they were never