Gypsy Jane. Jane Lee
ducking and diving but the money was nowhere near as good as I made through the robberies. I just wanted to be with Jamie all the time and, when I wasn’t, he was all I could think about. It was pure, happy and in many ways one of the happiest times of my life. Jamie was a good-looking boy – really handsome – and I was an attractive young woman. Everyone said we made a lovely couple. It was a fun, fun time.
Jamie and I used to go to the pictures and we would go out clubbing sometimes but mostly we would drive down to Woolwich and watch the boats sailing from the marina. Jamie used to talk about becoming the best boxer in the country and I knew he would. I was happy. Even so, although we went out with each other for two years on and off, we were more off than on. Jamie didn’t want a full-on relationship but I did. Oh, how I loved him with all my heart. We were only young and I wanted so much more so I tried to trap him. I got pregnant to keep him because I knew he wasn’t ready to settle down and, to be honest, I knew he wanted a life before becoming a dad. He made it clear he wasn’t ready for a family so I made out I was on the pill and got pregnant.
Looking back now, I know how selfish I was but at that time I was a teenager in love and trying to make my dreams come true. I really believed that having his baby meant he would stay with me for ever. How wrong I was. He panicked. What would he tell his family? They didn’t like him being with me because of the life I had led. We came from different worlds. He said that he didn’t love me but I said I was going to keep the baby anyway. He said he would stay with me until the baby was five years old. So I agreed. I thought, once we were a real family, he wouldn’t leave us and he would learn to love me like I loved him. Then all of a sudden he didn’t answer my phone calls. His mum came on the phone and told me to keep away from her son. I was so heartbroken and felt all alone. I never contacted him again. I just walked away. He had chosen his family over me and it was all my fault.
I told my mum and dad that I was pregnant and Dad went mad. It was bad enough being pregnant but, when Jamie wanted nothing to do with me either, that made it worse. I’d let Dad down. I understood he only wanted what was best for me and it was all going wrong. Mum was back to being nasty and I found myself pregnant and living from house to house again. There was no way I could stay at home. Mum and I had started to row and it would just be better all round if I wasn’t there. I spent most of my pregnancy with a friend who shared my surname, though she wasn’t related.
My friend lived in Prince Regents Lane with her family, including the mum and her husband, six sisters and a brother. They became as close to me as family and I will never forget how they looked after me when Jamie turned his back. They might not have been my blood but they were as close a family to me as my own and I thank them and love them with all my heart.
I didn’t want to be a gangster. I just wanted to be a proper mum.
After I had been pregnant for six months, I finally got my own flat through the council in October, 1984 because of my circumstances. I’d got no money coming in, a baby on the way and Christmas was around the corner.
I was trying so hard to keep on the straight and narrow but I needed money for my baby. It was time to go and dig up my gun. I knew what I had to do and I went and did it. I didn’t want to because I had promised myself I wouldn’t do any more armed robberies after the CID had turned up that day. But I had to do it for my baby because I had nothing. I would just do one job so I could make my flat a home.
The people I was robbing thought I was a gangster but little did they know. I didn’t want to be a gangster. I just wanted to be a proper mum. The job went without a hitch. But I’ve got to be honest, I was a lot more nervous than before because I was so worried for my baby. I used the balaclava and did the job on my own, and covered myself with a big coat so I wouldn’t look pregnant. I mean, pregnancy was a bit of a giveaway as clues go, so I had to be a bit crafty on that front. But I made enough to get everything I needed for the baby’s arrival. A pram, cot, baby clothes and toys, and I decorated the flat.
Dad still wasn’t talking to me and, God, it was killing me because I love my dad. But I’d let him down by getting pregnant. Jamie having nothing to do with me upset Dad too because he wanted more for me. I understood Dad’s feelings but I was more hurt that Dad wasn’t there than I had been by Jamie leaving.
Christmas came and I had two weeks to go before giving birth. I spent Christmas with Shell, who by then was married and pregnant herself. Shell said I looked beautiful and her house was so Christmassy with all its decorations and presents under the tree. It was so lovely. Shell and I had done some growing up and she made me feel so welcome. I felt about as happy as I can remember being, apart from still missing Dad.
My son John was born on 6 January 1985 at Forest Gate hospital and, when he arrived in this world, I was the happiest woman alive. I thought a lot about Jamie and what he was missing out on but it was his loss. He only came to visit John once and I never saw him again after that.
I was going to name my son Ronnie, after my dad, but my brother came up to the hospital when all the other women were with their husbands so I said, ‘John, make out you’re my husband,’ because I felt embarrassed about not having my own man there. So he did and, for that reason, I named my son John Ronald Lee after the two most precious men in my life.
Mum was there for the birth. I remember screaming out in pain and she grabbed my hand and said, ‘Don’t show me up.’ I have to laugh now. She said I could go stay with her and Dad for a week so I discharged myself and went to Mum’s. John was only a day old but I couldn’t stay at the hospital with all the other mums. I just wanted me and my baby home and, when I got there, Dad grabbed hold of me and said he was sorry for being angry. I cried with happiness. I needed my dad – not for anything but the love he gave me.
That night Mum was completely drunk and started on me again, just like in the old days. It didn’t take much to set her off and I can’t even remember why she was having a go at me. But she didn’t hit me any longer. She knew by now that there was another side to me and not to push it too far. But her mouth made up for it. She would say the most spiteful things and, to tell you the truth, a hiding wouldn’t have hurt half as much as some of the things she came out with.
So that same night I calmly picked up John and went home to my own flat. I loved Dad but I couldn’t stay under the same roof as Mum. My baby and I didn’t have much but we had each other, and I vowed there and then that my son would always have a loving home and be showered in love. I felt a love like I’ve never felt before. It’s called unconditional love and now, for the first time in my life, I knew what it meant.
John was growing up fast. He was so handsome and the perfect son. I was blessed when I had him.
The next ten years were all about trying to be a mum and doing my best for John. But it didn’t work out like that because, every time I tried to go straight, life took a turn. A couple of months after John arrived I met a man called Brett who was three years older than me. He was a mechanic and I fell for him hook, line and sinker. He was a handsome man with blond hair who cared for me and I was truly happy.
By this time I was 19 and the next five years with Brett were blissful, even though we had our rows. My best friend Rosie, our old babysitter, who let me stay with her when I was a kid, was there for me through thick and thin. We didn’t have much but Brett, John and I were happy. We had a caravan at Canvey Island near Southend where we had some wonderful summer holidays together. I was so happy I had found true love after Jamie. Brett was a good father to John. He really cared for him and he loved us both. But Brett wasn’t very successful at holding a job down