Hell to Heaven. Kylie Chan
have. They need someone to hero-worship, and you’re it. Some of them have started learning the arts from the Masters here. You’ve even inspired some of them to talk back to me.’
‘I think Rhonda would have had something to do with that as well,’ I said, turning back to look at him. ‘Now I see why she said you had to be dragged tail-first into the twenty-first century.’
‘I love the twenty-first century; health care is at an amazing level. Used to be if my wives went down to the Earthly for a trip, they’d come back with all sorts of nasty shit and die in no time. Now, just about everything’s curable.’
‘Doesn’t it bother you — you living so long, and them ageing and dying?’
He concentrated on me. ‘You worried about Ah Wu ditching you because you’re getting old?’
‘Actually, no. But it must be hard to lose so many that you love.’
‘Meh. They live a good, long, healthy and luxurious life here, and they die and I move on.’
‘Damn, you’re a callous bastard. Don’t you mourn them?’
‘I prefer practical. I lose a few a year — I’m not spending all my time mourning them, that’d be a waste. They live a good life. That’s worth celebrating.’
The sweet scent of fresh, young blood wafted over the lawn and I raised my head. ‘What’s that?’
The Tiger sniffed the air. ‘Just some birds.’
A woman walked past with a couple of small children, both about five years old. She wore a traditional long silk tunic with matching leggings, and the children wore pantsuits in black cotton with toggles and loops, their hair shaved except for a topknot each. When the woman saw the Tiger she dropped to one knee, bowed gracefully, then rose and continued.
The scent was coming from them; the children in particular exuded the wonderfully sweet, rich scent of fresh blood. It drew me closer. The woman saw me approaching, grabbed the children’s hands and ran. I didn’t think; I just pursued them. One of those children would keep me satisfied for weeks, and the feeling of swallowing it whole would be precious indeed. If I grabbed it and squeezed hard enough, it might even take bird form and be even more delicious to eat.
One of the children tripped and sprawled on the grass. The mother saw how close I was and changed to phoenix form. She spread her wings protectively over her children and burst into flames.
Something grabbed me by the throat from behind and hurled me to the ground, holding me there. ‘Go,’ a voice said, a throaty rumble, and the phoenix changed back to human form and hurried her chicks away.
The pressure holding me down didn’t give way. ‘Now listen to me,’ the voice said, and I recognised it as the Tiger. My senses began to return and I shrank with horror at what I’d nearly done.
‘You can let me up,’ I said.
‘Not quite yet, she’s still too close,’ the Tiger said. ‘Listen up. You’d better fucking start eating when you’re on the Celestial Plane or I’ll make a complaint to the Jade Emperor. That was a mighty close call there; she’s one of my oldest and most respected wives.’
I didn’t reply, still stiff with shock.
‘Did you fucking hear me!’ the Tiger rasped.
‘I hear you, I’m just …’ My voice trailed off. ‘I can’t believe I just did that.’
‘Start eating on the Celestial Plane,’ the Tiger repeated with force.
‘Can you help me?’ I said, my voice small.
‘The people in the Northern Heavens are the ones to ask,’ the Tiger said. ‘Go talk to them. They’ve had experience with Ah Wu’s Serpent. My staff just bring me big, bleeding chunks of African wildlife.’
He released my head and I raised it, then turned to him. ‘I am so sorry, Lord Bai Hu, please accept this small serpent’s apology.’
‘Apology accepted,’ he said gruffly. ‘Go home to the Earthly and have something to eat. Then, when you have time, come back and talk to your Retainers here about food in the Heavens. If this happens again I’ll make your life complete hell.’
Simone transported Leo and me back to our Hong Kong apartment later that evening. She was flushed and excited from spending time with the family.
‘I’d better head to bed,’ she said. ‘I have a test first thing tomorrow.’ She hesitated. ‘Are you okay to take human form, Emma?’
I changed and shook myself out. ‘No problem at all.’
‘You could at least conjure some clothes with no holes in them,’ she said, and slipped out of the living room before I could think of a suitable retort.
I went into the kitchen. Monica opened the door between the kitchen and her room; she was already in her pyjamas. ‘Can I get you anything, ma’am?’
‘It’s okay, go back to bed,’ I said. ‘I’ll make some noodles for myself.’
She came into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. ‘I’ll do that for you, ma’am.’
I went to her, opened the door and pushed her back into her room. ‘No, you won’t. It’s late, and I can look after myself. I know where everything is. Go back to bed.’
She grimaced. ‘At least leave the dishes for me to clean up, ma’am.’
‘Whatever you say,’ I said, not meaning it.
She went back into her room and closed the door, and I proceeded to raid the fridge for some ho fan, baby bok choy and vegetable stock to make myself some soup noodles. I checked the use-by date on the cans of cat food in the bottom of the cupboard; they were still good. Maybe this time they would get eaten before they needed to be replaced.
Leo wheeled himself into the kitchen and I waved the cooking chopsticks at him. ‘Want some?’
‘Nah, I ate in the West while you were at the party,’ he said.
He went over to the drip coffee machine set up on a low benchtop on the other side of the kitchen and poured himself some strong black coffee. He inhaled deeply as he brought the mug to his mouth. ‘Need to get one of these sent up to the Northern Heavens — they don’t have a single decent coffee machine there. The only coffee I could get was some sort of awful coffee-coconut mix that they make on Hainan Island.’
‘Oh, I tried that, it was foul,’ I said. ‘When do you think you’ll be able to carry yourself up there?’
He took another sip of coffee and made the wheelchair spin around by itself so he was facing me. He grinned with pride. ‘Getting there, won’t be long.’
‘You moved the chair too fast — you’ve spilt coffee in your lap,’ I said, and turned back to the noodles.
‘Dammit!’ Leo said, and whizzed out the door towards his bedroom.
CHAPTER 8
The next morning Yi Hao followed me into the office and placed my large desk diary on my desk. She was wearing a smart navy business suit with a white shirt and matching navy pumps. ‘Not many appointments today, ma’am. Things have settled down here very well recently.’
I dropped my tote bag into my desk drawer, sat down and grimaced when I saw my overflowing in-tray. Then I grinned up at her. ‘Looking professional, Yi Hao. You’d pass for a local businesswoman.’
She fidgeted with pride. ‘Some of the younger students have been helping me.’
I leaned on the desk. ‘Do you want to go further than just being my secretary? You can go study if you like.’
She