Theory of emotional relativity. Practical guide to the development of awareness and emotional intelligence. Inna Zakharova
security, it is important to understand that it is directly related to the amount of resources of the physical body.
After physical trainings, a person feels very calm, and if a person regularly goes in for sports, then his background condition is generally calmer, because the body is a very important resource. If you don’t eat on time, at the level of consciousness you understand well that you just don’t have time, you are busy with something. However, the subconscious mind will regard this situation differently: if you are hungry and do not eat, you have no food. And as a result, the level of anxiety increases. Due to prolonged dissatisfaction with physiological needs, you may notice that a person’s adequacy in behavior is lost. Typically, it happens to people with a leading need for security. People with other leading needs do not have such a strong connection of mood, diet and rest.
Fear. Ways to Cope
Switching off the emotional sphere. There are people who separate themselves from their emotions and live as if they don’t feel fear. If a person switches off his emotions, he agrees with himself: “There is nothing important in life to worry very much.” Accordingly, such people have no reason to really want something or to be very happy. The result is a computer mode when you logically decide what you need and what you don’t need. On the one hand, it helps you live more calmly, because you are not involved in your experiences, but at the same time your life is losing its color. In this case, a person does not understand his fears, he does not notice that he is experiencing fear, the mind blocks these states.
Phobic model of behavior. Such people feel their fears and perceive them as a trigger to give up doing anything. Even if fears are realized, they stop a person from acting. Internal doubts and thinking over all possible scenarios up to the worst, all possible negative consequences (punishments) capture the brain of such people. A lot of energy is spent on this, while the body is prostrated in fear, and actions are not born.
Counter-phobic model of behavior. Such people feel, but do not realize their fears, perceive fear as a command to action. The desired goal is to free oneself from fears that are constantly prostrating and bothering from within. If such a person is asked whether he is scared, he will always answer: “Of course not”. Subconsciously, he creates dangerous situations in his life in order to cope with them and say to himself: “I am not afraid of anything.” At the moment when it is possible to overcome fear and the first dangerous step has been taken, you experience very intense euphoria, at this very moment you feel freedom from fear, so you strive again and again to fill your life with similar events.
People with this pattern of behavior love dangerous, extreme sports. At the moments of extreme peak, hormones are produced and create a feeling of euphoria. The body perceives the unknown situation as dangerous, and throws out all the hormones just to mobilize and anesthetize as much as possible. In such situations the hormonal cocktail will consist of adrenaline, norepinephrine, endorphin, serotonin, dopamine. Thus, a model of behavior is creating “I will always overcome dangers and it will be cool”. Many people consider this type of drive as fullness and brightness of life. Not being able to appreciate other less intensive, but diverse emotions.
Fear. The Need and Strategies for Satisfying
The need that fear speaks of is security. Let’s see what security is.
Security is a feeling that you are able to cope
with any situation, which will appear in future,
that you have all possible resources.
If the level of satisfaction of the need for security is high you feel calm in any situation of uncertainty, i.e. you have so much control over your body, mind and feelings that you don’t care what the next moment will be, you probably know that you will act in the best way. Of course, there is a share of fear in such a life, but it does not work as something that stops, but as an interesting, exciting, tickling feeling that makes life more spicy.
A person who lives in contact with himself, does what he loves, eventually comes to a point where he trusts himself and the world so much that he is ready not to control and spontaneously express himself in even an uncertain moment. But this is only possible with very clear goals and full self-awareness, because there is no control without awareness. Otherwise, it will go with the stream in the bad sense of this word – it doesn’t matter for you where to swim, you are neither good nor bad anywhere, life has no taste and there is no quality of life. A good sense of this phrase is to be in a stream, i.e. know what you want, use the current moments to move to the desired.
Let’s talk about those for whom the need for security is leading and very important, because there are people who give up on security.
Ways of satisfying the need for security:
• Little security
With this model of behavior, a person lives his life and avoids any danger. However, any development, any way out of the comfort zone is always associated with danger. Desiring to maintain a small safety zone, a person limits himself in development, and, accordingly, in pleasure, in achievements. Over time, such a life leads to the fact that you have a feeling of resentment at other people, at life, at yourself, it is quite possible that a person will feel some guilt. Thus, the quality of life begins to decline.
For example, you wanted to be an actor, you have the ability to do this, and the theater department is located next to the house. But there are disturbing thoughts: “Oh, everything is so uncertain there. Only a few people can feed themselves by this profession. But an accountant is an understandable, terrestrial activity. I’d better go there and I will definitely know that every month I will have some money for bread and milk.” This is that little security that you create for yourself, while limiting yourself in the quality of life, in development and pleasure.
The main fear is to remain completely without resources, not to come up to the expectations of significant people.
When your life passes in dissatisfaction, when work does not bring joy, when income is modest (you have money for bread and milk, but you can’t go somewhere to rest, you can’t afford some quality thing), you begin to shift responsibility to someone from the outside or to eat yourself from the inside: “Why I didn’t do it then, now it’s too late”. Most often it is a phobic model of behavior.
• Surrender security
Subconsciously, in such a model of behavior, a person declares: “I do not need security.” He looks outwardly fearless, he is constantly poking his nose and provoking various situations. For example, he may leave for another country without knowing anything about it, without a plan on how he will work and where he will live. In other words he creates deliberately unsafe conditions. Their main fear is the creation of long-term relationships. Strong, loyal connections and self-confidence are a real challenge for such people.
When you do not trust yourself, you yourself do not know what you want tomorrow, you avoid any responsibility and decisions. Faithful relationships become unsafe because they are weighed down by certain expectations.
Such people are prone to inconstancy, are in fear of being unfaithful and unreliable. With such a position in life, the most terrible word is always.
Of course, everyone understands that we cannot guarantee at least something forever. There are very few things in the world about which we can say “this is forever.” But the very intention of “forever” is very important in business and in personal relationships. But for people who are characterized by a state of anxiety and distrust of themselves, this “forever” seems impossible: “How can I guarantee you anything? Don’t trust me much, for me it’s too big a burden.”
With time, such a life leads to the fact that all relationships, both professional and personal, become like a strange dance “one step