Manhood is a Mindset. J. Colin Trisler
Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version (KJV).
Scripture quotations marked RSV are taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1946, 1952, and 1971 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Apocrypha quotations marked RSV are taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Apocrypha, copyright © 1957; The Third and Fourth Books of the Maccabees and Psalm 151, copyright © 1977 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Resource Publications
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paperback isbn: 978-1-7252-6226-3
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Manufactured in the U.S.A. 07/07/20
To Brooks
“Your eyes will see your Teacher,
and whenever you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear this command behind you:
‘This is the way. Walk in it.’”
—Isa 30:20–21 CSB
Acknowledgments
Clear and meaningful thanks are in order:
To God. I know from personal experience that you are a hands-on Father because only a loving and active God could have blessed me with the family that I have. My wife and children are shining examples of your direct involvement in my life. They testify to the depths of your love and forgiveness. I do not deserve my family, yet you have seen fit to smile on me with this most perfect earthly gift—and for that I am forever grateful. This book is my effort to make the most of the blessing you’ve given me.
To Cody Libolt. I have two versions of this book: a pre-Cody version and a post-Cody version. The post-Cody version is the one you’re holding right now. Your editorial comments ranged from insightful to vicious—but they were always valuable. This book wouldn’t be what it is without you. Thanks for believing in this project. You are a good man and a good friend.
To my son, Brooks, and my daughters, Alexis, Scarlett, and Juliette. Each of you, in your own way, has taught me so much about life and how to live it. You’ve helped me understand what it means to be a man. And you’ve shown me what true love looks like in real life. You are living, breathing proof not just of God’s existence, but of his goodness and his grace. Thanks so much for all your prayers and your encouragement (and a special thanks to you, Lex, for donating your proofreading skills for free). Even if no one else reads this book I know you all will. And based on that fact alone, I consider this work a job well done.
To my wife, Amanda. If I were to thank you for all that you do, I would end up writing a whole other series of letters. So for the sake of space, I’ll keep my words concise yet sincere. Thank you for your constant support. Writing this book is one of the hardest jobs God has ever given me to do. Oftentimes, it felt more like a boxing match than a creative process. I went many painful rounds with discouragement. But no matter how many times frustration knocked me to my knees, you were always in my corner, pounding the mat, encouraging me to get up and keep moving forward. Your words of wisdom gave me the motivation I needed to stand up like a man and keep on punching. I went the distance with this book because of you. I love you so much. You are the wife of my youth. My Adrian Balboa. My Abigail Adams. My Lady Wisdom. And I will hold tight to you for as long as God sees fit to keep us together. Oh, and by the way—thanks for encouraging our children, particularly our son, to read Daddy’s book.
Introduction
A Letter to the Fathers Who Will Read This Book
When I was three years old, my father told me Santa Claus wasn’t real.
About three years later, he told me professional wrestling was staged.1 To be honest, the truth about Santa wasn’t anywhere near as shocking as the truth about pro wrestling.
My six-year-old brain didn’t know what to make of my dad’s mind-blowing assertion. I was so taken aback at first that I rejected him outright. I didn’t believe him when he told me that Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Kamala the Ugandan Giant weren’t really fighting. I didn’t believe him when he said all the punches, the body slams, the chops, the tackles, and the big splash were all an act. I didn’t believe him when he told me the ending of their match was predetermined, or when he said the wrestlers weren’t really trying to hurt each other and were probably friends in real life.
My shock quickly turned into anger, and I accused my dad of trying to play a nasty trick on me. But my dad, to his credit, didn’t get mad. He simply said, “Son, you’re old enough to know the truth. Just watch it close and you’ll see for yourself.”
As much as it pained me, I listened to my father. I took his advice and watched the next wrestling match closely. For myself. With open eyes and an open mind. And as I did, the truth floored me like a missile dropkick off the top rope. I saw with my own eyes what he was talking about—and I was stunned when I discovered that he was right the whole time. The wrestlers weren’t really fighting. The harder I focused, the more I could see that their moves were choreographed—and I realized that their match was less of a brawl and more like a rough-and-tumble dance routine.
The mental grenade my father had tossed my way blew my mind wide open. After the smoke cleared, I saw the world in a completely different way, and I realized for the first time in my young life that pro wrestlers pull their punches—but the truth does not.
It took me about a week to fully wrap my mind around this newfound reality. After much soul searching, I finally came around and swallowed the red pill in totality. I discovered the truth for myself. I put my preconceived notions aside and saw professional wrestling for what it actually is: a TV show, just like any other—a cool TV show, but a show nonetheless.
My days of blissful childish ignorance were over and there was no going back. I had taken my first step toward real-world manhood. All thanks to my dad, who used this experience to teach me two valuable, life-changing truths.
He taught me that a man can’t negotiate with reality. The facts of reality don’t bend to my preferences. Nor do they take my feelings into consideration. Reality is what it is and there’s no getting around it. As my father pointed out, the reality of the situation was this: No matter how badly I wanted the fight to be real, Hacksaw Duggan and Kamala weren’t really fighting. They were athletic actors putting on a show; and if I wanted to enjoy the show, I would be wise to accept that reality on its own terms.
I also learned that my father actually knew what he was talking about. No matter how much I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, what he said proved true. And I realized that I would be wise to take his words more seriously from now on.
Dads, This Book Is for You, Too
Nearly four decades later, my father’s lessons still ring true.
Now that I’m a father myself, I want to follow his lead and teach my children the truth about life, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. One thing I’ve learned about being a father is that telling the truth isn’t always easy. The truth can make you unpopular, especially with your children. But fatherhood is not a popularity contest. It’s a responsibility. And a responsible father stands firm in the truth, even when it’s inconvenient. Even when his children don’t appreciate it. He stands firm because he loves his children. He wants what’s best for them. And he knows it’s his job to give his children what they need—and not always what they want.
Any hands-on father will tell you that one of his biggest responsibilities is to provide for his children.2