Rebellious Parenting. Richard Blackaby
resist peer pressure at school, we parents unquestioningly buy into what “all the other parents are doing.”
To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool
Partway through my seventh grade year, I (Carrie) had an epiphany: I didn’t want to go to school anymore. Most children reach that conclusion at some point in their educational odyssey, and many do so a lot sooner than I did. My brother Daniel had tried to fix the problem by running home at recess in first grade. But, what can I say? I’m a late bloomer. I didn’t want to quit school altogether—I wanted to try homeschooling.
When I mention that I was homeschooled, I often receive a sympathetic comment about my mother being unwilling to send me off to a “real” school. The implication is, “What child in her right mind would willingly agree to such a life of torture, isolation, and overall strangeness?” But the choice was entirely my own.
Mom: Just because a saying is written in calligraphy and posted on social media, that doesn’t mean it’s good advice.
The desire didn’t stem from the usual presumed reasons. At the time, I was attending a private Christian school with dedicated, godly teachers. I wasn’t being bullied, and I had a solid group of friends. I was a straight A student, and my teacher liked me. Aside from my frequent absences from gym class during the eight-week flag football unit because of my “hereditary weak ankles,” everything was going well. I just felt that I was missing something.
I didn’t know how my parents would react to such a radical change in my education, so I made a list of the pros and cons and presented it to them. I still have the list. It says:
Pros
• I can get more sleep.
• I won’t have to miss youth group on Wednesday evenings to do homework.
• I can join book club with Olivia and Mya.
• I will have more time to figure skate. (Plus: I won’t have to play flag football ever again in my life, ever.)
• I can work as fast or slowly as I need to.
• It sounds fun!
Cons
• I will miss my friend Hannah.
That afternoon, my parents and I sat down for a family business meeting in the living room. They’d never considered homeschooling me. After all, I was doing well and was the teacher’s pet. Why fix what wasn’t broken?
Mom, a free spirit, was intrigued by the prospect of being a homeschool mom (and not just so she could wear Amish-style clothing and grow herbs in window pots). Dad wasn’t as open to the idea. He grew up in a family that believed in public school education. He admitted that his experience in junior high was miserable, but he had survived, so it didn’t seem logical to him for his daughter to walk away from a great private school education. Nevertheless, by the end of our discussion, my parents agreed to give home education a try.
The next week I began my new life—and I loved it. I felt more rested. I rarely got sick. I had more time to participate in church activities. I joined a book club. I was able to practice my iceskating more frequently, and I even went on field trips with other homeschoolers to museums and live theater events. My dad took me with him on business trips to exotic places, including England, France, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, and Malaysia. It was amazing!
But with my delight came something not so fun: misunderstanding. And criticism. Even some of my relatives and friends expressed concerns about my future. Didn’t I want to go to college one day? Shouldn’t I have a circle of friends that wasn’t limited to my brothers and pet fish? Why did I never mention the horrific bullying I must have experienced at school to drive me to such a drastic “last resort”?
While many people supported my decision, I was stung by the insensitive comments of others. Eventually, I had to decide whether or not I was going to allow people’s opinions to guide my life, or if I had the courage to follow through with what my parents and I knew was the best choice for me, regardless of how compelled others (including total strangers) felt to enlighten me.
Mom: Why do we let total strangers tell us how to bring up our children? Why not listen to our kids?
I want to be clear: I’m not saying homeschooling is good and public schooling is bad. My oldest brother, Mike, never homeschooled a day in his life and he had a mostly positive experience. I also don’t pretend that my experience homeschooling was without problems. But at the age of 12, I knew I was wired to homeschool, and if I let others sway me from that decision, I would be limiting myself from living my best life possible.
I ended up homeschooling through high school. I’ve since graduated from college with my Bachelor of Arts (summa cum laude), and hold two Master’s degrees. Funny enough, now people rarely ask or care which educational method I used in high school.
We learned some unexpected lessons when we chose a different path than the one most people around us were taking. Interestingly, the great majority of critics we encountered had no firsthand knowledge of what they were advising us about. Though they had no experience with homeschooling, they had plenty of advice! Rather than asking us what we were learning, they’d offer, “I heard that…” Or, “I know someone who…” They were simply passing on myths or opinions they had picked up from secondary, often biased, sources. Too often, people heartily endorse (or dismiss) something without verifying their presuppositions. And that’s what we are challenging.
Conclusion
It’s important for parents to make decisions based on what is best for each individual child, not what the parents did when they were the same age, or what worked for other children.
Most parents already have a good idea what would work best for their children, but many don’t know how to make it happen. Some admit that they lack the confidence to deviate from the status quo in certain areas of family life. Parents often assume they don’t have the time or money to make their dreams or preferences a reality.
Mom: If you find yourself going in the wrong direction, it’s better to redirect mid-way than continue on a course that is not taking you to where you want to go.
Criticism and misunderstanding are inevitable when you veer from what others do or believe. Enormous effort and sacrifice may be required. But at the end of the day, knowing you did what was best for your child is the supreme reward.
Reflect and Respond
1. What is one fallacy you used to believe? Perhaps it related to health, science, or relationships. How did you eventually realize you were mistaken in your belief?
2. Do you see yourself as a conformist or a rebel? Consider the following as you answer this question: If everyone you know is behaving in a certain way, do you tend to follow the majority’s lead? How difficult is it for you to go against a societal norm and follow your personal convictions?
3. Consider your parenting philosophy. Are you confident you are following God’s will for your family, or do you think there might be a better way than you are currently experiencing? Jot down two or three current practices or habits that you have questions about. These might not be evil or wrong in themselves, but maybe you suspect there is a better way. Then, review your list and ask God to guide you to His perspective.
4. At what age do you think children should have a say in their education? Why?
Action Ideas
1. If your parents are still living, ask them for their “top three” pieces of