Rebellious Parenting. Richard Blackaby

      Chapter Two

      Land of the Free, Home of the Clones

       Rebelling Against Conformity

       “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no onealive who is you-er than you!”

       —Dr. Seuss

       Blue Hair and a Near-Death Experience

      I (Richard) was the president of a theological seminary in Canada for 13 years. During my tenure, all three of my children became teenagers.

      One year, our church made a directory that required every family to be photographed. That’s when I had a brilliant idea for a public relations masterstroke. Every Christmas, I received exquisite photographs of other school presidents with their attractive families. They had heartwarming captions like, “In this season of glad tidings, my family and I would like to wish you and yours…” It was high time our donors and alumni received a Christmas picture of my good-looking family!

      On the day of our scheduled appointment, I arrived home from the office and bellowed, “All right, everybody, time to go! Our photo shoot is in less than thirty minutes!”

      Always punctual, Lisa emerged from our bedroom. She looked beautiful.

       I love to see a great plan come together!

      Another minute, and my daughter, Carrie, burst out of the upstairs bathroom and sashayed down the stairs sporting the latest in fashion with her customary flair.

      A vision of teenage loveliness.

      Next, my 16-year-old son Daniel appeared. He wore a knitted cap and a baggy hoodie. His outfit was entirely appropriate, if he intended to hold up a convenience store. But before I could ask if disturbing band logos could be Photoshopped out, I caught sight of Mike standing in the entryway. There stood my oldest child with his hair spiked like a porcupine and the tips dyed fluorescent blue.

      “Hi, Dad!” he hollered. “I’m your son, and I have blue hair!”

      “Yes, and both those facts deeply disturb me at this moment,” I muttered.

      Terms like respectability, reputation, and ridiculous whirled around my brain in a vortex. I opened my mouth to spew them, but had only proceeded as far as, “What, in the name of all that is good and decent…” when I felt a hand on my arm. It was Lisa. She whispered, “Temporary hair dye.” I got the point.

      At the moment, my beloved boys looked as sophisticated as the Marx brothers. Daniel based his wardrobe entirely on comfort and “coolness.” I got that. But I didn’t understand why Mike would spend money—probably mine—on Grover-blue hair dye and sculpt his locks into gravity-defying 3D structures. Mike was simply experimenting with his identity. He wanted to stand out from the crowd. I would have preferred he make his statement by having the highest GPA in his class, or ending hunger in Zimbabwe. But I guess he thought a tube of hair dye involved less commitment.

      I didn’t know it then, but Mike would go on to obtain a college education, a Master’s degree in seminary, and a Ph.D. in apologetics. To date, he has two published books and is planting a church in Victoria, Canada. And I was ready to chew him out for being different. What was I thinking?

      The reality was that all three of my children were unique individuals. Carrie was, and still is, a fashion diva who looks great every time she leaves the house. Daniel was our laid-back child who valued comfort over style. Mike was our wannabe rock star who liked to stand out from the crowd. All three were being true to their identity and values. What upset me was that they were not dressing in conformity with mine. But really, why would I want my kids to look and act just like everyone else—or like me, for that matter? And what made me think I could parent each child in exactly the same manner?

       So What’s the Problem?

      God loves diversity. It’s the hallmark of creation. The popular analogy claims no two snowflakes are identical. With the exception of Greenland (and Carrie’s birth city of Winnipeg, Manitoba), snowflakes usually don’t stick around long enough for anyone to verify that claim. So we’ll talk about bugs instead.

      If you were forming the world, how many insects would you include in your grand design? According to the Smithsonian Encyclopedia, more than 900 thousand different species of insects inhabit the planet today—and those are just the ones that have been documented. For example, the Triatominae group of insects (also known as “conenose” or “kissing” bugs) is a subfamily containing approximately 130 different species. They survive by sucking the blood from the lips of sleeping human beings. And here’s a disturbing fact: they are common in the southern United States.

      Another fascinating bug is the Japanese giant hornet. Fully grown, it can be several inches long with a sting that is said to be among the most painful of any insect. Its venom, which dissolves human tissue, can be lethal.

      Researchers discover new species every year, and scientists consider current lists far from exhaustive. God put an enormous amount of creativity into a part of creation many people would be happy to see become extinct!

      Indeed, God’s ingenuity is apparent everywhere, especially in the human body, which is astounding in its complexity. For instance, over 2 million working parts operate in a single eyeball. In one second, your eye can focus on 50 different things, and in one hour, it can process up to 36,000 pieces of information. Fingerprints are commonly recognized as unique flags of our identity, but even our lips, tongues, and feet have one-of-a-kind markings. Science tells us that an adult human body is composed of about 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms. God orchestrates an enormously complex production when He creates each individual!

      Parents know that each of their children is unlike any other. Nevertheless, society demands that we squeeze them all into one preset mold. Compounding the problem are parents who take a one-size-fits-all approach to rearing their children.

       It’s in the Bible

      The Bible reveals that God has created, called, and commissioned a wide array of one-of-a-kind human beings. Consider these examples:

      • David was always an adventurous boy. He put Tom Sawyer to shame! Fighting lions and bears while tending his father’s sheep might have raised a few eyebrows, but not even his father imagined his son would one day become his nation’s most glorious king.

      • Most children imagine epic scenarios where they save the day. Imagine Joseph’s father’s surprise when his son’s boyhood dreams of rescuing his family and countrymen became a reality.

      • Parents want their daughters to grow up chaste and wholesome. Imagine Mary’s parents’ reaction when they discovered their teenage daughter was pregnant before her wedding.

      • Children love to pretend they are superheroes. Imagine what Samson’s parents thought when he grew stronger than their