Note: To read before the wedding. Yury Gurkov
driven a car that he will be able to drive ‘like a snake’ in a car backwards.
The misconception is that people are confident:
– that love is simple;
– that you don't have to learn anything in love.
Therefore, most people are looking for romantic love, a romantic experience that should then lead to marriage. After all, you just need to find an object of love, and then "I know everything and I can do everything". They bend this romantic experience to a person who often does not suit them at all. Not suitable is the person for many reasons, but they do not see it at that moment – it usually happens in the rose and candy period.
ONLY A STOUT – HEARTED MAN CAN PARTLY SACRIFICE HIMSELF TO A LOVED ONE. GIVING YOURSELF TO THE BELOVED FOR MANY YEARS OF FAMILY LIFE IS CHERRY ON THE CAKE!
Love, in which there is no help and care for the beloved – this is another concept, but it is not love. The main principle in love is to give yourself, sacrifice your own energy and capabilities, leaving self-care in the background. What do you like more – to receive gifts, care and attention, or to give? Since giving is the highest manifestation of a person, his spiritual power, it is not difficult for the reader to understand how far or close he is to this level.
Only a stout – hearted man can partly sacrifice himself to a loved one. Giving yourself to the beloved for many years of family life is cherry on the cake! Now let’s have a pause for a minute. Were you taught to give yourself, to live for your loved one? Maybe these thoughts visited you during the most romantic moments? If there is a desire and you think about it – it is good enough! But then, after the wedding, life with a husband is completely different, difficult and complicated. Will you have the desire to give yourself after a working day, after cleaning the apartment, doing homework with the child and cooking a three-liter pot of soup for a week? What do you need to have in your head to make you want this? What should your husband be like, how good should he be, so that you will not change your mind about trying so hard for him?
Here is one of the effective rules of love, in which giving yourself is natural – to show an active interest in the life, rest and development of your loved one.
It cannot hurt to repeat such moments again and slightly «decipher» them. For those who reach out for the development of love, here and now there are opinions that love is (first of all):
– your active actions;
– your desire to do them all the time;
– willing your loved one to live more joyfully, more comfortably, more successfully.
To do this, you need to step outside of your selfishness, your individual self, and your interests, which are "ahead of them" for most people. Selfishness prevents us from doing this, we live first for ourselves. Especially when we live with our parents right before the wedding, before marriage. In well – established families, where there are many children, the older ones help with the education of the younger ones and they know this work. Such work, however, is more of a duty, and we are talking about the desire that arises from feelings for a loved one. Such a desire for a loved one is when you actively take care of him/ her.
Now look back at your relationship, which you have now or it is already in the past. Is your boyfriend active to you, what does he constantly do to make you happier, to make you feel more comfortable, so that you have less household duties and rest more, or cares about your education, getting new knowledge?
If it is so and he really cares about you, I can say that you are very lucky, and he really loves you, he is obsessed with you. You can see his motivation for you. Not only to sigh and reach for intimate overloads.
The ability to love and give yourself can be compared to the overloads that affect a person when falling or taking off abruptly. If a person just stands, he is affected by an overload of 1g. and those who do not know how to love – stand, do nothing, do not give themselves, do not experience the overload of their body, so that you feel better in many ways.
The other person loves, creates, helps to develop, cares to share with you household duties, creates the mood, saves from moral breakdowns… To make a long story short – he/she experiences overload. This person does more than just talking about feelings, more than just hugs and tenderness. Cosmonauts are trained, have special health data and can tolerate overloads up to 4g. And the one who gives himself for his beloved is a “cosmonaut”. He is willing to put up with these overloads for you. Such “cosmonauts” are able to make a girl really happy, saddle themselves with up to 3–4 g.
Are there many cosmonauts among ordinary people? There are units. Are there many guys who are ready to do different actions for the sake of their woman, to work hard, to care about their beloved one? Also not many, you can trust me. Look for them; help them to become such persons. But, above all, such work you should try to do on yourself.
The love of two «cosmonauts» will be beautiful, when everyone is eager to compete in a kind way and is in a hurry to do something for a loved one. Even if one of the two aspires to this, it is already good. In such relationships, romance and the desire to make your own fairy tale in your family are great friends and helpers.
Remember that to love means to endure overloads, to work hard on yourself. And loving your spouse all your life in one marriage is the most difficult work in the life. Do you want to love like that? Are you really ready for it?
14. Without this a marriage is impossible
You should know some very important moments without which your success in self – cultivation, your possible right choice of the happiness, your progress in general, in many ways in life will be impossible or reduced to a minimum.
There is a threshold in relationships that needs to be stepped over. You need to outstep in your intelligence figuratively beyond only your interests in order to see your beloved one better. But not from the outside, as you are used to, but from the inside. It is about learning to understand his actions and the reasons why he does so. Why does he yell if you, for example, remind him of the same request for the tenth time? Why does he always make you responsible for each of his mistakes at work and at home? Why is he always smarter and you are on the contrary? Then it will not be difficult to see your relationship in the future, after the wedding.
IT IS ABOUT LEARNING TO UNDERSTAND HIS ACTIONS AND THE REASONS WHY HE DOES SO.
For example, your boyfriend gets hot under the collar if you slam the door of his car loudly. Perhaps many girls learn a lot about themselves when this situation sometimes happens.
“Don't slam the door”, – is the softest version you can hear every time. Obviously, men love their cars more than their chosen one. They often forget who is in front of them and that they recently called their sweetie ‘honey’ or ‘darling’. Why does your man suddenly forget this? Why does it happen split – second?
There are some reasons. You just have to learn to recognize them. And the easiest way to begin to distinguish – is in minutes of a sharp change in intonation, aggressive shouts, raising the voice, in situations when he arrogantly teaches or reproaches you, when your boyfriend becomes a “stranger”.
Anna, the woman with whom I worked, was very irritated and could not calm down for a long time if customers promised to send an email response in an hour but they sent it in 3 or 4 hours. Or it was about couriers who were late for the appointed time. If someone did not keep their promise, Anna would start to grumble, get angry, and could not continue working without being oppressed. Employees who were more resistant to stress at work, those who were nearby, tried to calm her down, saying: “Do not pay attention, it is not doom and gloom” or "the driver was late because he was in traffic” or "the ticket booking service probably has a lot of orders, they will send the reservation before the end of the working day” etc.
But Anna seemed to be in the squared ring in a hitfest with her worst enemy and she could not control herself, she could not keep calm. It was clear that the reason for such mental breakdowns existed but it was difficult to understand it. Anna was 36 years old, recently married for the first time,