Legend of the Peeing briton. Павел Тюрин
have examined all the materials connected to the case; we considered the guilty party’s explanations, we interrogated the life guards, we watched the video of the flight recorded from the motor boat, and we studied the Baltic coast weather conditions on the stated date, such as the atmospheric pressure, the speed and the direction of the wind, the temperature in the different layers of the atmosphere, humidity, visibility, the medical weather type and many other factors. After careful consideration the administration of the Club have concluded, that the above-mentioned incident cannot be qualified as premeditated hooliganism from the ‘PB’ Club member. Regardless of all of the above the novice pilot’s licence will be suspended for the entire summer period and he will not be allowed to pilot for that period. He has been strictly reprimanded and shown that such thoughtless behaviour is unacceptable. He will have to take the additional pre-flight preparation for targeted planning and pay the increased price for the following examination.
Your sincerely President of World Peeing British Club
Signature Date’
Furthermore, the following the letter also said that the Club offers public compensation for the inconvenience caused by its member. The Club will fund the more experienced pilots to take bags of the new kind of tulip bulbs, and spread them among the inhabitants of Jurmala for free, from the low-level flights. The administration expressed hope that such a gift would serve as their apology for the earlier embarrassment.
In the Artistic Laboratories of the Show-biz[65]
The most popular magazines were in a hurry to share the cheery news of a new star being born with their readers. One of them wrote on the cover: ‘Our most dashing thrill!’
The latest information is concerned with the negotiations taking place about an international contest to award a title of ‘Mister Peeing Briton’ that will be held in Riga, in Brussels, and in England.
The organisers didn’t envisage it as your typical Beauty contest. One couldn’t win it only on their good looks. This will be the contest of innovative manliness, the new ways of guest catwalk, tourist demeanour, the most effective ways of demonstrating the exclusive fashion, originality in club dance and so on. The winners will be awarded the miniature statues of gold – the Peeing Briton, silver – the Pee-peeing Briton, and bronze – the Pee-pee-peeing Briton. The winners will also be awarded tours to the Blockhead’s motherland, and establishment of a Peeing Briton sculpture at their registered place of residence. The list of the consolation prizes is no shorter and is just as varied. It includes figures of Blockhead from amber and semi-precious stones from the shores of Loch Ness, luxurious illustrated hard cover editions of the ‘Legends of the Briton’, shorts signed by Blockhead himself, and other things that the organisers prefer to keep silent about for the time being.
Several of the world-famous fashion houses have now declared their willingness to participate in the contest. The well-known couturiers have harnessed the main elements of the style that associates with the dishevelled look of the ‘Peeing Briton.’ The new style has already been described as a ‘Peeing Fashion’.
One of the first famous people who announced that he has started work on the new haute couture collection was the maestro Jean Paul Gaultier. He almost channels the free spirit of Blockhead – as he shows up during his collection’s presentation – that he is practically indistinguishable from the original.
One Totally Awesome Brit-dance[66]
A new dance appeared, too, called by various names: ‘Pissrigging’ (after an unmistakable event in Riga), ‘Bridance’ in English or simply ‘Brit’ for short. The characteristic dance moves are reminiscent of the forgotten (thank God!) Lambada with some elements of break-dance. This new dance is being performed at the Club parties, and their particularly grand orgies.
When the news got out that the ‘Peeing British’ Club is organizing the international dance competition ‘Pissrigging’, the Baltic International Academy (BIA) claimed its special right to be chosen as a venue for the event among many other applicants. The thing is that BIA is the largest private HEI in the many other applicants. The thing is that BIA is the largest private HEI in the Baltic States and the countries of Northern Europe (accommodating students from 25 countries). It was founded in 1992 as a Baltic Russian Institute (abbreviated to BRI) and retained the original name until 2008.
The department of Cultural Studies keenly supported the idea of the competition, and stipulated that there could not be a better platform for the contest. Their argument was impeccable and irresistible. They see that ‘British’ is nothing else but BRI-tish, a slightly masked name of the traditional dance of the Baltic Russian Institute,[67] that the most gifted students have been performing since the day of the institute’s establishment.
Frequently at BRI disco parties a famous 1995 song by Garik Sukachev[68] can be heard blasting from the powerful speakers: ‘I will know my sweetheart by his walking, and he wears his hat like a panama’. The old song from Odessa is acquiring a new life as the students dance ‘Pissrigging’ with gusto twisting each other’s arms.
The parties at the BRI have been known for their atmosphere of informality, but after the Briton’s feat at the Freedom Monument, and the organization of the International Dance Competition at BIA ‘BRI-dance’ became a calling card, perhaps, even a brand of the Baltic Academy. In some ways, thanks to such branding the flow of applicants to this HEI from the whole of Latvia and other countries never slows. The prestige of the Academy is so high that showing its readiness to accept and nurture the talented followers of Blockhead from all over the world, they decided to start teaching in English.
Chic![69]
Some manufacturers started to put the figure of the ‘Peeing Briton’ on to the hoods of their automobiles as a decoration, similar to the figure of the running deer on the first models of the Soviet ‘Volga’. Pontiac had an effective figure of the Indian (nicknamed ‘The Chief of the Six Cylinders’). Buick and Cadillac automobiles used to have various ‘flying ladies’ screwed on to them. And, by the way, the image of the ‘Flying Lady Ellaine’ on the British Rolls-Royce was originally called the ‘Spirit of Ecstasy’. But our ‘Peeing Briton’, on the hood of the car expresses his sweeping ecstasy with a much stronger conviction, as anyone can become immediately aware.
One of the Club’s enthusiasts gave us a photograph of his antique Super Rolls-Royce that he has decorated with a silver ‘PB’ mascot. This immediately made the car look more elegant and inspired, accentuating the features and also the characteristics of her owner. The psychologists say that the original figurine on the hood of one’s car is an efficient way to demonstrate that the car’s owner has a remarkable personality.
They are Beating us![70]
Several supercilious members of the Club are not content watching Richie’s popularity, and are trying to reclaim some of his fame by replicating his outrageous feat in other cities of Europe. The outcome was pathetic: some got thrown into jails, and others got recruited by conventional religious denominations. Many were beaten and even injured, right on the places of their desperate experiment… A part of those, who have already paid their dues to the law-abiding society by being beaten, are incarcerated and persecuted by the prison guards and criminals.
This is why the administration of the Club appeals to all its members with a pleading request to discontinue such actions in the near future, anywhere but in Latvia, since it is very dangerous
Academic newspaper: ‘
In the original Russian text the Brit is ‘британец’ which indeed can be broken into
Garic Sukachov is a famous Russian rock singer known for his uncouth appearance and shocking behaviour.
Driving journal
Based on the materials from the police journal ‘