Tida. Zhanuzak Tursynbayev
because he was struggling to choose the right words for Mereke. Painful hours have passed without giving any good news about Kanat’s condition. After waiting, Muhit decided to find the right moment and ask the nurse about the doctors who were operating his son. At this very moment the doctors appeared at the hallway. One of the doctors who talked to him before was also there. They met each other’s looks and he decided to come up to him again. Making a deliberate pause, he addressed him again:
– I explained to you the way the surgery had gone. I’ve just walked out of the intensive therapy room. You have to understand that your son is under anesthesia. I shouldn’t tell you that at the beach the boy got a fracture on his skull which led to all consequences, indeed. You saw it and had to diagnose it right the way. The skull bone was opened and some of the bone parts were removed. I was afraid of the risk of brain swelling and bleeding of your son. Mostly, the purpose of our involvement was to prevent the risk of post traumatic inflammation of brain membranes of your child. Of course you understand that the concept of post-traumatic stress is connected with the future… Whoever it is, and us, as well, we try hard to get a positive outcome of the conducted surgery. I think you understand it yourself. Doctors are still here but soon they’ll be gone… Would you like to talk to them? Let me invite that kids’ surgeon,– he said with his eyes tired.
– I understand that now everything is in God’s hands… I also want to hope that his body will fight… Let us not lose our hearts and hope for the best,– added he and he looked at his watch and started looking for a nurse in a desire to leave.
– Yes, I would like to speak to that neurosurgeon. Thank you for your kind words, colleague. I need to ask him about the severity of my boy’s condition. Each nuance of the surgery is important to me. I’m not a neurosurgeon but you still have to understand my condition. I speak more as a father of this child than a doctor here. Can I at least look at my son? Even if he is still under anesthesia.
Both of them went to the staffroom. After he came back from there, he tried to explain everything to his wife Mereke in simple words. She listened to everything firmly and after her husband ended his narration, she cuddled him up and cried quietly.
– Why are we going through this, darling? Does God really want to take away our son? Tell me, Muhit, don’t be silent,– she said in a worried trembling voice.
– It’s all given to us as a challenge, Mereke. I only hope for the best… Hope that our son will fight for his life. So you also have to pray for Kanat’s health. Okay, darling? And don’t you dare to think about anything bad, sweetheart,– he said, patting her hands.
Muhit and Mereke stayed in the hallway of the hospital in desire to be closer to their son. They had nothing to say to each other. So they were waiting for the news from the intensive therapy room quietly. Mereke couldn’t help but cry quietly from time to time. And Muhit was trying to comfort her by patting her shoulders.
Chapter 2. Breakdown
The grief which happened to Muhit really knocked him down. Kanat died without regaining consciousness after staying in the intensive care room for a couple of days. He disappeared as a bright ray of son. He shone their lives bright but didn’t even say good-bye and left them stay on the Earth. On the dull and perishable Earth where everything reminded of him and grieved. Pavel, as his close friend, noticed it when he visited him to express his condolences when he came to Kyzylorda. It was hard to recognize Muhit. His face was twisted with pain. If some other people didn’t notice this, it said much to his friend. And even more… He was a broken person then but he had always been a cheerful and sympathetic friend of his before. His lively eyes were empty, the look was spread. Pavel saw his friend in such condition for the first time and it confused him. He didn’t appear at his work for a month or so. He disappeared, faded away…It started concerning Pavel. He tried to call him but Muhit didn’t answer his calls. Attempts to find him didn’t give him a successful result. Nobody opened the door of his house. Neighbors didn’t know anything about him whether he was home or not. It all concerned Pavel very much but he didn’t lose hope to find Muhit. He wanted to speak as a friend to him. Although he didn’t know what to do and the way the problem might be solved. This despair and anxiety was noticed by his colleagues at work and it was surprising for them because it was not characteristic of Pavel. He was always very tactful and reserved even at the times it was hard to be whether speaking of private or working deals. However he was not just worried about the fact that he couldn’t find his friend but for something he was really scared of deep down. It was concern to find him safe and sound…. His colleagues were aware of the fact that he had a tragedy in his family and he was in mourning then. Nobody could even imagine what he was feeling. Perhaps each of them wanted to learn about him from his friend but even Pavel was scared of those questions. He just had nothing to say. He didn’t want to lie to them but what’s more,he didn’t want to lie to himself. Those thoughts were wearing him down. And once he decided to fix the following situation and went straight to his house.
Each time he was going through the conversation in his mind. Even though they were arguing a lot, each of them always gave a pleasant smile at the end of conversation. He missed those moments the most. But he was mostly concerned by Mereke’s calls. He knew that she wasn’t home next to Muhit, she stayed at her parents’ house in Aktau. So the concern for his friend was as heavy as the rock. The rock was named Muhit. The rock which also needed some support. And even being at the edge of the abyss, the rock didn’t want to acknowledge that…
He decided to walk to his house. He wanted to think over the conversation in case he was really lucky to meet him. Deep inside he didn’t even have hope for that. But a minute's hope was still warming him inside. The journey to Muhit’s house took him around an hour. Letting the passersby go and trying not to pay attention to them, he was trying to imagine the moment they met inside of his mind. The upcoming conversation was really scaring him. But a desire to meet and hug his friend as he used to do in the past was incredible.
He got to Muhit’s house and stayed by the door for some time. Then he decided to knock on his door. Nobody opened it. He was standing by the door thinking and turned around when he heard the sound of an upcoming person. The person smelt badly. He had a beard and shaggy hair covered with a cap which was shifted from his head didn’t let anybody see his face. He had a bottle with some liquid in his hand, Pavel didn’t even want to know what it was. Pavel wanted to let him pass by and pulled over to the door behind and started to even cover his nose. But that person looked directly at him and asked in a grumpy and strange but familiar voice:
– Why did you come? Won’t you let me in, to my home? Get out of my door,– the stranger said angrily.
– Who are you?,– asked him Pavel. At that time he tried to take a closer look in the eyes of the stranger.
– Why are you standing here by the door? Who did you come to? I mean, let me in my home,– he grunted in response.
– Is that you, Muhit? I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you. Look at the way you look. I’m glad to see you,– he attempted to come closer and give him a hug.
– Don’t hug me, Pasha. You'll get dirty. Why are you here? I don’t want to see anyone. He addressed him walking through the opened door. I came to you to have a talk. Will you meet your friend this way now? It’s not characteristic of you. If you don’t let me in, I will not come back here anymore.– he said sharply. After speaking provocatively, he turned around as if leaving. After some pause he answered:
– Pasha come in. Yes you are a friend of mine and you can be angry with me and tell me any words but now… I didn’t expect to see you,– he said quietly, wiping his eyes. He left and went inside of the room. Pavel came in and was shocked by the surroundings of the house. The house was in a terrible mess. There were empty alcohol bottles everywhere. The smell of the spilled on the floor liquid was cutting the nose. The wallpaper was drawn with a marker and ripped off in some places. A big mirror in the hallway was broken and there were spots of blood on it.
– I am sorry Muhit that I came with no disclaimer. I wanted to see you. I think we should’ve talked. What would I say, Muhit? I am sorry that you lost your son. Kanat was like a son to me. Accept this loss my friend. Of course,