Diaries of Court Ladies of Old Japan. Shikibu Murasaki
at the court, and she seemed to have been disappointed in something. She had been regretting the World [her marriage], and now she was to leave our home. She beckoned her own child, who was five years old, and said, "The time will never come when I shall forget you, dear heart"; and pointing to a huge plum-tree which grew close to the eaves, said, "When it is in flower I shall come back"; and she went away. I felt love and pity for her, and while I was secretly weeping, the year, too, went away.
"When the plum-tree blooms I shall come back" – I pondered over these words and wondered whether it would be so. I waited and waited with my eye hung to the tree. It was all in flower27 and yet no tidings from her. I became very anxious [and at last] broke a branch and sent it to her [of course with a poem]:
You gave me words of hope, are they not long delayed?
The plum-tree is remembered by the Spring,
Though it seemed dead with frost.
She wrote back affectionate words with a poem:
Wait on, never forsake your hope,
For when the plum-tree is in flower
Even the unpromised, the unexpected, will come to you.
During the spring [of 1022] the world was disquieted.28 My nurse, who had filled my heart with pity on that moonlight night at the ford of Matsuzato, died on the moon-birthday of the Ever-growing month [first day of March], I lamented hopelessly without any way to set my mind at ease, and even forgot my passion for romances.
I passed day after day weeping bitterly, and when I first looked out of doors29 [again] I saw the evening sun on cherry-blossoms all falling in confusion [this would mean four weeks later].
Flowers are falling, yet I may see them again
when Spring returns.
But, oh, my longing for the dear person
who has departed from us forever!
I also heard that the daughter of the First Adviser30 to the King was lost [dead]. I could sympathize deeply with the sorrow of her lord, the Lieutenant-General, for I still felt my own sorrow.
When I had first arrived at the Capital I had been given a book of the handwriting of this noble lady for my copy-book. In it were written several poems, among them the following:
When you see the smoke floating up the valley of
Toribe Hill, 31
Then you will understand me, who seemed as shadow-like
even while living.
I looked at these poems which were written in such a beautiful handwriting, and I shed more tears. I sat brooding until mother troubled herself to console me. She searched for romances and gave them to me, and I became consoled unconsciously. I read a few volumes of Genji-monogatari and longed for the rest, but as I was still a stranger here I had no way of finding them. I was all impatience and yearning, and in my mind was always praying that I might read all the books of Genji-monogatari from the very first one.
While my parents were shutting themselves up in Udzu-Masa32 Temple, I asked them for nothing except this romance, wishing to read it as soon as I could get it, but all in vain. I was inconsolable. One day I visited my aunt, who had recently come up from the country. She showed a tender interest in me and lovingly said I had grown up beautifully. On my return she said: "What shall I give you? You will not be interested in serious things: I will give you what you like best." And she gave me more than fifty volumes of Genji-monogatari put in a case, as well as Isé-monogatari, Yojimi, Serikawa, Shirara, and Asa-udzu.33 How happy I was when I came home carrying these books in a bag! Until then I had only read a volume here and there, and was dissatisfied because I could not understand the story.
Now I could be absorbed in these stories, taking them out one by one, shutting myself in behind the kichō.34 To be a Queen were nothing compared to this!
All day and all night, as late as I could keep my eyes open, I did nothing but look at the books, setting a lamp35 close beside me.
Soon I learnt by heart all the names in the books, and I thought that a great thing.
Once I dreamt of a holy priest in yellow Buddhist scarf who came to me and said, "Learn the fifth book of the Hokekkyo36 at once."
I did not tell any one about this, nor had I any mind to learn it, but continued to bathe in the romances. Although I was still ugly and undeveloped [I thought to myself] the time would come when I should be beautiful beyond compare, with long, long hair. I should be like the Lady Yugao [in the romance] loved by the Shining Prince Genji, or like the Lady Ukifuné, the wife of the General of Uji [a famous beauty]. I indulged in such fancies – shallow-minded I was, indeed!
Could such a man as the Shining Prince be living in this world? How could General Kaoru [literal translation, "Fragrance"] find such a beauty as Lady Ukifuné to conceal in his secret villa at Uji? Oh! I was like a crazy girl.
While I had lived in the country, I had gone to the temple from time to time, but even then I could never pray like others, with a pure heart. In those days people learned to recite sutras and practise austerities of religious observance after the age of seventeen or eighteen, but I could scarcely even think of such matters. The only thing that I could think of was the Shining Prince who would some day come to me, as noble and beautiful as in the romance. If he came only once a year I, being hidden in a mountain villa like Lady Ukifuné, would be content. I could live as heart-dwindlingly as that lady, looking at flowers, or moonlit snowy landscape, occasionally receiving long-expected lovely letters from my Lord! I cherished such fancies and imagined that they might be realized.
On the moon-birth of the Rice-Sprout month I saw the white petals of the Tachibana tree [a kind of orange] near the house covering the ground.
Scarce had my mind received with wonder;
The thought of newly fallen snow —
Seeing the ground lie white —
When the scent of Tachibana flowers
Arose from fallen blossoms.
In our garden trees grew as thick as in the dark forest of Ashigara, and in the Gods-absent month37 its red leaves were more beautiful than those of the surrounding mountains. A visitor said, "On my way thither I passed a place where red leaves were beautiful"; and I improvised:
No sight can be more autumnal
than that of my garden
Tenanted by an autumnal person
weary of the world!
I still dwelt in the romances from morning to night, and as long as I was awake.
I had another dream: a man said that he was to make a brook in the garden of the Hexagon Tower to entertain the Empress of the First Rank of Honour. I asked the reason, and the man said, "Pray to the Heaven-illuminating honoured Goddess." I did not tell any one about this dream or even think of it again. How shallow I was!
In the Spring I enjoyed the Princess's garden. Cherry-blossoms waited for! – cherry-blossoms lamented over! In Spring I love the flowers whether in her garden or in mine.
On the moon-hidden day of the Ever-growing month [March 30, 1023], I started for a certain person's house to avoid the evil influence of the earth god.38 There I saw delightful cherry-blossoms still on the tree and the day after my return I sent this poem:
Alone,
Plum-trees bloom between the first and second months of the old calendar.
By pestilence. People were often attacked by contagious diseases in those days, and they, who did not know about the nature of infection, called it by the name of "world-humor" or "world-disease," attributing its cause to the ill-humor of some gods or spirits.
In those days windows were covered with silk and could not be seen through.
Fujiwara-no-Yukinari: One of the three famous calligraphers of that time.
Place where cremation was performed.
It is a Buddhist custom to go into retreat from time to time.
Some of these books are not known now.
A kind of screen used in upper-class houses: see illustration.
Her lamp was rather like an Italian one – a shallow cup for oil fixed to a tall metal stem, with a wick projecting to one side.
Sadharmpundarika Sutra, or Sutra of the Lotus, in Sanscrit.
In October it was the custom for all local gods to go for a conference to the residence of the oldest native god, in the Province of Idzumo; hence,
According to the superstition of those days people believed that every house was presided over by an earth god, which occupied the hearth in Spring, the gate in Summer, the well in Autumn, and the garden in Winter. It was dangerous to meet him when he changed his abode. So on that day the dwellers went out from their houses.