The Straw Men 3-Book Thriller Collection: The Straw Men, The Lonely Dead, Blood of Angels. Michael Marshall
Why else put them on the tape? I found it difficult to even think about the last scene, the one in which it appeared that a child had been abandoned on a city street. My first overwhelming sense, that the child was an unknown sibling of the same age, was still my holding position. Everything about my mother’s body language, and the way we’d been dressed, had implied it. Either the child was my twin, or they wanted me to believe that this had been the case. The latter seemed ridiculous. But was I really to credit that I once had a sister or brother, and that he or she had been abandoned somewhere? That we, as a family, had travelled away from home – a point I believed to have been deliberately made through the snippet of a train journey at the beginning of the scene – and left the child somewhere? And that my father had filmed the scene? There could only have been one reason for this: an awareness that one day they might want me to know what had happened, and a realization that nothing short of film would convince me. I had rerun the segment in my mind throughout the night, trying to read it differently. I couldn’t, and in the end what stuck with me most was the matter-of-factness of the event. They had looked for the right place to leave the child, rejecting one, and then moving a little further up the street. They had chosen somewhere that looked well-populated, where the businesses and homes on the other side of the street suggested that the child would not remain unnoticed for long. Somehow this made it worse, not better. It made it seem more considered, more deliberate, more real. They hadn’t been killing the child. Just getting rid of it. They’d planned how they’d do it, and then gone ahead and done it.
The middle scene was less extraordinary. Once you got past the strangeness of the glimpse it yielded into the pasts of people I now realized I had never really understood, for the most part it recorded what was merely a social evening. I hadn’t recognized any of the other people in the film, but that wasn’t surprising. Your group of friends alters as you get older. You change, you move. People who once seemed indispensable gradually become first less crucial and then merely names on a Christmas-card list. Finally one year you grumpily observe that you haven’t seen such and such in over a decade, the cards stop, and the friendship is severed except in memory, a few catchphrases and a handful of half-forgotten shared experiences. It lies dormant until the very end, when you wish that you had kept in touch, if for no other reason than it would just be nice to hear a voice whose owner knew you when you were young, who understands that your coffin-ready wilt is a joke of recent vintage and not everything you have ever been.
The kicker was the way they had addressed the camera. The things they had said. As if they’d known or believed that I’d watch it someday. If I’d been in their position, I’d have striven for a perkier tone. ‘Hi, son, how’re you doing? Love from us, way back when.’ My mother hadn’t sounded this way at all. She’d sounded sad, resigned. The last line of my father’s chimed most sharply in my head: ‘I wonder what you’ve become.’ What kind of thing was that to say, when the person you were talking to was only five or six years old, and sleeping at the time in the same room? This seemed to fit in some way with the closing down of UnRealty: a profound distrust of someone who was their son. I’m not especially proud of my life, but regardless of what I may or may not have become, I have not yet abandoned a baby on a city street, and filmed the event for posterity.
I had no memory of my father ever owning or using a home movie camera. I certainly had no recollection of watching such films. Why bother filming your family if you’re not going to all sit around some evening and watch, laughing at hairstyles and clothes and pointing out how much everyone has grown in height or waist size? If he’d once been someone who filmed such things, why did he stop? Where were the films?
Which left only the first scene, the one shot on video, much more recently. Because of its very brevity and lack of identifiable meaning, this was the segment that seemed to provide the key. When my father had edited together this little bombshell, he must have tacked this non-event on the front for a reason. He’d said something at the end, the short phrase that the wind had obscured. I needed to know what it said. Maybe it would be a way into understanding the tape’s purpose. Maybe not. But at least I would then have all of the evidence.
I shut the car door and got out my phone. I needed help, and so I called Bobby.
Five hours later I was back at my hotel. In the meantime I’d been to Billings, one of Montana’s few stabs at a decent-sized town. In accordance with advice, and contrary to my expectations, it had proved to have a copy shop where I could do what I required. As a result I had a new DVD-ROM in my pocket.
As I walked through the lobby I remembered that I’d only booked for a couple of days after the funeral, and stopped by the desk to extend. The girl nodded absently, not taking her eyes off a television tuned to a global news channel. The newscaster was rehashing the scant details that had so far emerged in the mass killing in England, which I’d heard about on the radio on the way out to Billings. It didn’t seem like they’d found out anything new. They were repeating the same stuff over and over, like a ritual, breathing it into myth. The guy had barricaded himself somewhere for a couple hours, then killed himself. Probably at this very moment his house was being torn apart by the cops, trying to find some explanation, somebody or something to blame.
‘Terrible thing,’ I said, mainly to check if I had genuinely caught the receptionist’s attention. Hospitality boards in the lobby indicated that the hotel would be hosting a comprehensive slate of corporate brainstorms and deep-thinks over the rest of the week, and I didn’t want to suddenly find myself without a room.
She didn’t respond immediately, and I was about to try again when I noticed that she was crying. Her eyes were full, and one tear had escaped to run nearly invisibly down one cheek.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, surprised.
She turned her head toward me as if dreaming, nodded slowly. ‘Extra two days. Room 304. That’s fine, sir.’
‘Great. Are you all right?’
She quickly wiped the back of one hand across her cheek. ‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘It’s just sad.’
Then she turned back to the television again.
I watched her as I stood in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close. The lobby was deserted. She was still staring at the screen, motionless, as if looking out of a window. She couldn’t have been more caught up in this event – which had taken place thousands of miles away in a country she’d probably never even visited – if she’d lost a relative of her own in it. I wish I could say that it exacted the same degree of unthinking empathy from me, but it didn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, more that I couldn’t get the feeling to sink to my heart out of my head. It wasn’t like the World Trade Center, something vile and astonishing within our own borders, happening to people who’d saved coins of the same currency in their piggybanks when they were children. I knew intellectually that shouldn’t make a difference, but it seemed to. I didn’t know these people.
When I was inside my room I got my laptop out of the wardrobe, put it down on the table, and fired her up. While I waited, I got the DVD-ROM out of my pocket. My father’s videotape was hidden in the tyre well of the rental car. What I had on the disk was a digitized version of it. When the PowerBook had gone through its wake-up routine – a shower, slurp of coffee, quick read of the newspaper, whatever the hell else it is that takes it so long – I stuck the cartridge in the slot in the side. It appeared as a disk on the desktop. The video had been saved onto it as four very large MPEG files. It had been too long to digitize at full resolution and still fit on one disk: so, while I was at one of the workstations in the Billings copy shop with no one hovering over me, I ripped the first and last sections down at high resolution, together with the portion of the middle section that had taken place at my parents’ house. The long section in the bar I’d laid down at a lower frame rate. It still took a while. The whole shebang barely fit on the eighteen-gig disk.
First I tried using CastingAgent, an old piece of editing shareware that is buggy as shit but sometimes lets you do things other software won’t. It crashed so conclusively I had to hard boot the computer. So then I reverted to standard stuff, and got the movie playing on the screen.
I spooled forward to the end of the first section, the one taken somewhere up in