The Complete Parenting Collection. Steve Biddulph
needs to learn empathy and feeling, and be shown tenderness if he is to be a sexually caring being.
Some girls have a lot of testosterone but, on the whole, it’s a boy thing – and it needs our understanding, not blame or ridicule. Testosterone equals vitality, and it’s our job to honour it and steer it in healthy directions.
Chapter 4 How boys’ and girls’ brains differ
Twenty years ago, we rarely acknowledged differences in the brains of boys and girls, for fear this would imply gender inequality. Today we know that there are numerous differences, and by understanding these, we can build on boys’ and girls’ strengths and address their weaknesses, so both can be the best they can. For parents this can be a real revelation.
A miracle of growth
The brain of a baby in the womb grows very rapidly, developing in a month or two from just a few cells into one of the most complex structures in nature. By the sixth month of pregnancy, a foetus has impressive abilities, all controlled by its brain – such as recognising your voice, responding to movements, even kicking back when prodded! It can be seen with ultrasound to be actually moving its mouth as if it is singing in the womb.
At birth the brain is still only partially formed and only a third of its eventual size. It takes a long time for the brain to be completed. For instance, the language part of the brain is not fully formed until about the age of thirteen, which is why it is so important that boys are kept up with reading through the primary school years.
From very early on, gender differences are evident in the unborn baby’s brain. One difference is that a baby boy’s brain develops more slowly than a baby girl’s. Another difference is that the left and right sides are less well connected in a boy.
All animal brains have two halves. In simple animals (like lizards or birds) this means that everything is duplicated. A bang on the head might wipe out part of one half of the brain, but the other half can take care of things! However, in humans (who have a lot more to think about), the two brain halves specialise somewhat. One half handles language and reasoning; the other, movement, emotion and the senses of space and position. Both halves ‘talk’ to each other via a big central bundle of fibres called the corpus callosum. The corpus callosum in boys is proportionately smaller in size, so there are fewer connections running from one side to the other.
Boys tend to attack certain kinds of problems (such as a spelling quiz or word puzzle) using only one side of their brain, while girls use both sides. Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) brain-scanning technology shows us that: the ‘lights go on’ all over a girl’s brain, while in a boy they tend to be localised on one part of one side only.
Why the difference?
The brain of a baby before and after birth grows rather like a tub of alfalfa sprouts accidentally left in the sun – brain cells keep getting longer and making new connections all the time. The left half of the cortex grows more slowly than the right in all human babies, but in males it is even slower still. The testosterone in a boy’s bloodstream slows things down. Estrogen, the hormone that is predominant in the bloodstream of baby girls, actually stimulates faster growth of brain cells.
As the right half grows, it tries to make connections with the left half. In boys, the left half isn’t yet ready to take the connections, so the nerve cells reaching across from the right cannot find a place to ‘plug in’. So they go back to the right side and plug in there instead. As a result, the right half in a boy’s brain is richer in internal connections but poorer in cross connections to the other half. This is one possible explanation of boys’ greater success in Mathematics, which is largely a ‘right side of the brain’ activity (and their greater interest in taking machinery to pieces and leaving the bits lying around!). But we must be careful not to overdo these conclusions, as sometimes parental expectations, practice and social pressure also influence skills and abilities. It’s clear that practice actually helps more brain connections to be laid down permanently, so encouragement and teaching actually affect the shape and power of the brain in later life.
LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE
Communication is essential to life. Yet sadly, in every classroom, there are usually four or five children who can’t read, write or speak well. And among these children, boys outnumber girls by four to one! This is now thought to be the result of boys’ brains not being quite so well organised for language.
But there is no need to just let this be. If you want to prevent your child having learning or language problems, there is a lot you can do to help, according to neuroscientist Dr Jenny Harasty. Dr Harasty and her team found that in females, two regions of the brain dedicated to handling language are proportionately 20 percent to 30 percent larger than in males. But no-one knows whether these regions are larger at birth or because girls get more practice at using them, causing them to grow. Whatever the cause, we do know that the brain is very responsive to learning experiences if these are given at the right age. And for language, that age is zero to eight. In adolescence and adulthood we go on learning, but the older the child, the harder it is to change that early wiring of the brain.
You can help your boy learn to communicate better, starting right from when he is a baby. This means that he will be a better reader, writer and speaker when he goes to school. Here’s how …
1. ‘TALK THEM UP’ – ONE STEP AT A TIME
Children acquire spoken language one step at a time. Babies under one year of age will begin to babble and gesture very enthusiastically, telling us they are ready to learn verbal communication! This is the time to start to teach them words.
With a baby who babbles, repeat a word that seems to be what he means. Baby says ‘gukuk, baguk!’ and points to his toy duck. You say ‘Ducky! John’s ducky!’ Soon John will be saying ‘Ducky’ too.
With a toddler who says single words, like ‘milk!’, you say a couple of words, such as ‘milk bottle’. This helps him to move on to joining pairs of words together, and so on.
A child who is saying words in twos and threes can be stretched further by imitating you in whole sentences. For example, he says, ‘Gavin truck!’ You reply, ‘Gavin wants a truck? Here’s Gavin’s truck!’ And so on.
In short, kids learn best if you speak back to them one step ahead of the stage they are at. And they love the game – all human beings love to communicate.
2. EXPLAIN THINGS TO CHILDREN EVERY CHANCE YOU CAN
This is a great use of the many times when you are just doing routine things with your children – travelling, doing housework, going for a walk, doing the shopping. Use this time to chatter, to point things out, and to answer questions. Surprisingly, some very loving parents (who care for their kids well) seem not to realise that kids’ brains grow from conversation. Don’t be shy – explain things, tell them stories! For example, ‘You