The Midnight Gang. David Walliams
boy! As if I would!” replied the nurse, before clouting him round the ear hard with her thick, heavy hand.
“OW!”screamed Doctor Luppers. “That hurt!”
“Well, at least you are in the right place for an injury! Ha ha!” The woman laughed to herself, and almost managed a smile. “I need this station back right now! I have a newsagent being rushed here in an ambulance who managed to staple his own fingers together. Stupid man!”
“Oh no!” replied the doctor. “I can’t stand the sight of blood.”
“Get this boy out of here before I’m back or I will clout you round the other ear!” With that, Nurse Meese whipped back the curtain and stomped off down the corridor.
“OK,” began Doctor Luppers, “let me speed this up as much as I can.” The man began speaking very fast. “Bad swelling. Keep you here for a few nights. Just to be safe. Hope you don’t mind.”
Tom didn’t mind staying at the hospital at all. Anything to miss time at his dreaded boarding school. It was one of the most expensive schools in the country, and so most of the boys who went there were exceedingly posh. Tom’s parents were rich because of his father’s well-paid job abroad, but the family were not posh at all. Lots of the boys looked down their aristocratic noses at Tom.
“I am just going to send you up to the children’s ward right away. Nice and peaceful up there. You should get a good night’s sleep. Porter?”
Tom froze in fear as the terrifying man limped back in.
“Yes, Doctor Luppers, sir?” he slurred.
“Take … sorry, sorry, sorry … What was your name again?”
“Tom!” replied Tom.
“Take Tom up to the children’s ward.”
The porter wheeled the trolley Tom was lying on into the hospital lift. The old misshapen man hummed quietly to himself as he pressed a button for the top floor. Tom hated being alone with him. It wasn’t as if he had done anything
The boy had never seen anyone so spectacularly ugly before. Yes, there were teachers at his posh boarding school that were so unfortunate-looking they had been given cruel nicknames by the boys, but none was as scary-looking as the porter.
There was:
Mrs Rabbit
The Dome of Doom
Mr Dead-Squirrel-On-His-Head
The Hairy Gnome
Mrs Goggle-Eyes
Dr Octopus
Mr Clown-Shoes
The Dinosaur
Miss Hooter
Professor Comb-Over
PING! The lift doors closed.
The porter smiled at Tom, but the boy looked the other way. He couldn’t bear to look at the man. He seemed even creepier when he smiled. Those rotten and misshapen teeth looked like they could crunch through your bones. Tom’s eyes scanned the man’s name badge. Unlike the nurse and doctor he had already met, this badge didn’t have a name on it, but just the man’s job.
As the lift trundled slowly upwards, Tom’s world gradually began to take shape. Little by little, he began piecing together the events that had brought him here.
It had been a blazing hot summer’s day and he had been playing cricket on the school pitch. The boy lifted his head slightly and looked down. He was still wearing his cricket whites.
Despite his school priding itself on always coming top in cricket and rugby in the country, Tom wasn’t good at sports. The school celebrated all its sporting heroes with cups and trophies and medals and special mentions by the headmaster in assembly. A boy who much preferred to hide himself away in the corner of the school library with some dusty old books like Tom could easily feel like a nobody.
Tom was miserable at school, and would wish the time away. If only the days and nights would pass quicker, he would often think to himself. The boy was only twelve, but he longed to leave childhood behind forever. Then he would be a grown-up and would not have to go to school any more.
The school played cricket in the summer, and Tom immediately discovered the best part of the game for the reluctant sportsman … fielding. The boy would always place himself at the very far edge of the pitch. So far out that Tom could indulge in his favourite pastime – daydreaming. So far out he could daydream the afternoon away. So far out there was little or no chance of the heavy red leather ball ever coming your way.
Well, that was Tom’s thinking.
This time he was wrong.
Very wrong.
As the numbers of the floors flashed past in the lift, the last thing Tom remembered flashed past in his mind.
A heavy red leather ball flying through the air straight towards him at terrific speed.
THUD
Then everything went dark.
PING!
“This is your stop, young sir! Top floor! Home of LORD FUNT HOSPITAL’s children’s ward!” slurred the porter.
As the lift doors opened, the trolley was rolled out. The porter pushed Tom down yet another long corridor before a pair of tall doors banged open.
The pair was inside the children’s ward.
“Welcome to your new home,” said the porter.
Tom