Cruel to Be Kind: Saying no can save a child’s life. Cathy Glass
Adrian said without hesitation.
And so the discussion about food continued as we ate and it was very insightful. By the end of breakfast I knew that Max actively avoided all vegetables and fruit apart from grapes, loved all things sweet, and that at home they lived off fast food and takeaways because his mother couldn’t stand for long on her bad legs to cook, and his dad said cooking was women’s work.
‘Don’t your sisters cook?’ I asked casually as I cleared away the dishes.
‘No,’ Max said, leaving the table. ‘Dad says they’re too fucking lazy.’
Adrian paused and looked at me, aware this wasn’t a word we used.
‘I think I get the picture,’ I said to Max. ‘I’m so pleased you don’t swear.’
‘I get clouted at home if I do,’ he said. ‘But my dad can swear.’
‘That’s the problem with grown-ups,’ Adrian commiserated. ‘They can do things children can’t, like stay up late and drive cars.’
‘I know,’ Max agreed. And the two boys went upstairs to brush their teeth and get ready for school, continuing their discussion on the numerous advantages of being an adult compared to being a child.
Chapter Six
I pulled up outside Max’s school at 8.15 a.m. and parked in the road. I always introduce myself at reception on the first day, check that the school has my contact details and if possible arrange to meet with the child’s form teacher. Not wishing to leave Adrian and Paula alone in the car, I brought them in with me. I went up to reception, where I gave the school secretary my name and said I was Max’s foster carer.
‘Really?’ she said. ‘I haven’t been given your details.’ Which was often the case. She suggested Max went through to join breakfast club while I completed the paperwork, as breakfast finished at 8.30. I told Max I’d collect him from after-school club and wished him a good day, and then the three of us said goodbye to him. With his school bag over his shoulder and dressed in just trousers and shirt, as the weather was still good, he waddled off down the corridor towards the dining room.
Adrian and Paula now sat on the chairs in the reception area, looking at the children’s artwork displayed on the walls, while I filled in the forms with my contact details. Adrian and Paula had come in with me before when I’d taken a new child to school, so they knew they had to sit quietly while I completed the necessary paperwork. Once finished I handed the forms back to the receptionist and asked her where I should collect Max from the after-school club.
‘It’s held in the hall,’ she said, pointing towards the corridor behind me. I then asked if I could make an appointment to see Mrs Marshall, Max’s teacher.
‘Now? I think she’s busy.’
‘No, I have to take my children to school. Can we make it another time?’
‘I’ll ask her when she’s free and either she or I will phone you.’
‘Thank you.’
Adrian, Paula and I returned to the car. I retraced the route, passed the end of my road and drove on to Adrian’s school. Paula’s nursery was on the same site and she attended five mornings a week. Having seen them both in, I returned home. I’d only been in a few minutes when the telephone began to ring. It was Jo and I could tell immediately she was stressed, and it was only 9.30 a.m.
‘You didn’t phone Max’s mother last night,’ she said. ‘She’s been on the phone and she’s very upset.’ My heart sank.
‘I’m sorry. I did apologize to her. I must have misunderstood the arrangements. I was waiting to hear from you. I hadn’t realized we were supposed to phone her.’
‘I thought you didn’t want her to phone you,’ Jo said, misinterpreting. ‘Well, never mind. As long as it doesn’t happen again. You know what time you have to take Max to the hospital tonight?’
‘Yes. Five-thirty.’
‘His sisters will pack his bag and take it with them. I told them to bring his toy. Caz said she doesn’t want you waiting on the ward, so you can go and do something and then return to collect Max around seven.’
‘All right.’
‘Don’t be late, will you? She’s not happy with you or me right now.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Caz has given permission for Max to have a medical, so I’ll set it in motion. You should receive an appointment letter in the post in a couple of weeks.’
‘OK.’
‘I asked Caz about allergies and she said she thought Max might have some but didn’t know what they were. Sometimes he comes out in a rash, so just keep an eye on him.’
‘Yes, I will.’
‘She said to tell you to make sure he has his inhaler with him at school for his asthma.’
‘Yes. It’s in his school bag. He didn’t need it again last night. It’s blue – a reliever inhaler – so I’m assuming he just has it when he needs it.’
‘I’ll need to set up a review if he’s with you for more than a few weeks,’ Jo continued in a rush. ‘I’ll let you know. As I thought, Max has seen the dentist recently. He had to have some teeth out. Caz said he hasn’t been to an optician but there’s nothing wrong with his eyesight and he doesn’t wear glasses. The paediatrician will give him an eyesight test as part of his medical, so if there are any concerns he can see an optician after.’
‘All right,’ I said. ‘So I don’t need to make an appointment for him to see either a dentist or an optician?’ I wanted to clarify this to avoid any more misunderstandings. When a child comes into care under a court order the foster carer usually arranges both check-ups straight away and in time for their first review.
‘Not at present,’ Jo confirmed. ‘So what sort of night did he have? I can’t be long, as I’m due in a meeting now.’
‘Max slept well, although he snores very loudly. It could be connected to his asthma, although his chest sounded clear. Has Caz mentioned it? There may be other reasons for it.’
‘Like what? She hasn’t said anything.’
‘Enlarged tonsils and adenoids can cause snoring in children.’
‘I’m sure she would have said when I asked her about Max’s health, but I’ll ask her when I see her. And you can raise it with the paediatrician when he has his medical.’
‘Yes.’
‘I think that’s everything.’
‘I found some pyjamas for Max to wear last night, but they were for age twelve to thirteen,’ I said.
‘He should have his own things by tonight,’ Jo replied, missing the point. ‘Make sure you’re at the hospital for five-thirty. Speak soon.’ And with a brief goodbye she was gone.
Twenty minutes later Jill telephoned to ask how Max’s first night had been. I told her, and then about Caz’s and Jo’s phone calls and the misunderstanding over telephone contact. It’s important for a foster carer to keep their support social worker up to date even on relatively minor issues, as they have a habit of escalating, and a missed contact – even phone contact – was certainly not a minor issue.
‘Well, you apologized,’ Jill said. ‘Max is seeing his mother tonight, so hopefully that will make up for it. To be honest, my understanding was the same as yours: that Jo was going to speak to