The Bad Mother: The addictive, gripping thriller that will make you question everything. Amanda Brooke
of the lake, the tide was high and water lapped against the shale and rock marking the edges of the path. They faced the misty Welsh mountains on the opposite side of the river but Lucy’s gaze was drawn seawards. The leaden sky had sunk low enough to make grey ghosts of the wind turbines, while Hilbre Island and its smaller companions of Little Eye and Middle Eye remained dark outlines at the mouth of the river.
‘They are bloody cute kittens though,’ Hannah continued as Samson lost interest in the dog he had been stalking and began splashing in the puddles that pockmarked the path. ‘You don’t want one, do you?’
‘We did talk about getting a pet when I first moved in with Adam. I fancied a dog but I know they’re a big responsibility,’ she said as Samson shook his coat and sprayed the two women with salty seawater. ‘Adam liked the idea of a cat but I think we’re going to have our hands full with a baby.’
The subtle refusal was lost on Hannah who didn’t know the meaning of restraint – she had been the one responsible for the vomit stain on the sun lounger festering in Lucy’s mum’s garage. Pulling out her phone, she began flicking through reams of photos of fluffy kittens. ‘I thought you might like this ginger one,’ she said with a devilish smile.
Lucy peered at the screen being thrust under her nose. ‘Oh, it is adorable.’
‘They won’t be ready for another month, but it’s yours if you want it.’
‘Is it a girl or a boy?’ Lucy asked as if she were interested, which of course she wasn’t.
‘Haven’t the foggiest, but someone did tell me that ginger cats are usually boys.’
‘Don’t they spray everywhere though?’ Lucy said. Her previous experience of pets was limited to one nervous gerbil and a rabbit that had escaped after six months.
‘My advice is that you get him, or her, neutered as soon as you can,’ Hannah said. Seeing the sidelong glance Lucy gave her, she added, ‘Yeah, I know. I should take my own advice, but in my defence, Nutella was a fully grown cat when she rocked up. I was sort of hoping she’d already been done.’
‘Nutella?’
‘The kids named her, probably because I kept saying we’d be nuts to keep her.’
By Lucy’s calculation, Hannah’s three boys were aged one, four and six and from the brief glimpses of them in the background of the kitten photos, they were all thriving. ‘How do you cope with three kids?’ she asked.
‘Who said I was coping?’
‘You’re managing it better than I could. I don’t ever want to be pregnant again.’
‘Never say never,’ Hannah said. ‘Who would have guessed two years ago that you’d be married with a baby on the way? Your head must still be spinning.’
‘Actually, that’s not a bad description.’
‘You’re not having regrets, are you? I did worry that you might have rushed into things. It seemed like you were single one minute and the next thing I knew, you were married,’ Hannah said, her tone edging the last comment towards an accusation.
‘I’m sorry we didn’t invite you. We didn’t want anyone feeling obliged to pay for an expensive trip abroad, and neither of us were up for a big party when we got back,’ she added, hoping that Hannah hadn’t heard about the wedding reception Ranjit had thrown on their return – which had been attended mostly by Adam’s work colleagues anyway.
Resisting the pull of Samson’s leash, Hannah paused to give her friend a closer look. ‘You really have changed, haven’t you?’
Lucy chewed her lip. ‘I suppose I have, but for the record, I couldn’t be happier.’
‘You don’t have any regrets?’ asked Hannah, her tone suggesting she had something in mind.
‘Such as?’ Lucy dared to ask.
‘Such as marrying someone who doesn’t care too much for your friends.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Oh, so it’s just me he doesn’t like then. You can’t tell me he didn’t deliberately spill his drink over himself that last time you were at ours.’
‘Is that what you think?’ Lucy asked, glossing over the fact that it had crossed her mind at the time. ‘For the record, Adam does like you, in fact he said as much the other day.’
Hannah pulled a face that was a half-hearted plea for forgiveness. ‘Maybe I don’t know him well enough. All I can say is he must have hidden depths to have you so besotted.’
‘He does,’ Lucy said, thinking back to how Adam had sneaked into her heart simply by asking the questions that no one else had ever seemed interested in finding out the answers to, mostly about her past, but also how it had shaped who she was. He knew her like no one else, faults and all, and that was what worried her now. ‘And if anyone should be regretting getting married, it’s Adam.’ Her hand swept across her bump again, wiping off splatters of seawater from Samson’s boisterous attacks on the puddles. ‘He’s had a lot to put up with lately. I may not be as tired as I was when I first fell pregnant, but I’m getting more hopeless.’
‘I don’t believe that, and even if it’s time, it’s only to be expected.’
‘Is it? I never seem to get anything finished. We both do our fair share of the housework but all I seem to do is make extra work for Adam. He had to wash a whole load of washing again the other day after I’d accidentally left it in the machine. I couldn’t even remember putting it in, but it must have been there a while to come out all wet and stinking. And that’s only one of a long list of stupid things I’ve done lately. Mum says it’s baby brain.’
Hannah’s laugh was whipped away by the sea breeze and caught by a gull’s cry. ‘I still use that excuse.’
‘But it’s not an excuse,’ Lucy said. ‘Not with me.’
‘You’re actually serious, aren’t you?’ Hannah asked, catching sight of Lucy’s stricken face and slowing her pace to give her friend her full attention. ‘You’re due mid-June, aren’t you?’
Lucy nodded solemnly. ‘And I’m counting down the days.’
‘My emotions were all over the place with Isaac too,’ Hannah reassured her. ‘But that goes with the territory when it’s your first. With Josh, I felt sick from the minute I conceived until the day I delivered, while my little Sammy was a walk in the park and I couldn’t have asked for a better pregnancy. The one thing they all had in common was that it was worth it in the end. If I’d known you were going to hate it so much, I’d have offered to rent out my womb.’
Lucy looked out across the choppy waters of the estuary. At low tide, the exposed riverbed could be crossed on foot to reach Hilbre, but you had to aim first for Little Eye or else risk becoming trapped by sinking sand. Despite her boots clicking against solid ground, Lucy had the distinct feeling that she had taken the wrong path somewhere.
‘I don’t hate being pregnant,’ she said. ‘But it’s not exactly how I imagined it would be. It annoys me how slow-witted I’ve become. I’ve got this habit of zoning out, as if my mind can’t cope with growing a baby and listening to Adam at the same time.’
Hannah caught her next laugh at the back of her throat before it could escape. ‘It’s perfectly normal not to listen to your husband, Lucy.’
‘Is it?’ she asked. ‘I was late today because I couldn’t find my boots, or to be precise, I couldn’t find one of my boots. Who in their right mind loses one under the sofa and puts the other away in the closet?’
‘If we were meant to be in our right minds, no woman would willingly grow something inside her that was way too big for the opening God gave her.’
Lucy groaned. ‘Don’t remind me. I made the mistake