The Misadventures of Tallulah Casey 3-Book Collection: Withering Tights, A Midsummer Tights Dream and A Taming of the Tights. Louise Rennison
said, “Shut up about your ears. At least you know who you’re meeting. What about me and Vaisey? We’re just ‘the two others’.”
I was chatting for chatting’s sake really, to keep my mind off imagining Phil’s trunky friend who might be my date. I wouldn’t mind if it was Charlie. And Phil and Charlie are mates. And Charlie liked my knees. But what if Charlie came and preferred Vaisey?
That would be a double blow. Unless the other one that wasn’t him was dreamy.
But whatever happened, neither one of them was going to be Alex.
Alex was out of my league.
I wasn’t even in a league.
To him I was just another little fourteen and a half-year old. He probably couldn’t tell the difference between one fourteen and a half-year old and another, they all looked the same to him. Stupid.
The bus finally juddered to a halt at the M & S stop and we got off. There was no one there. Well, apart from a woman in headscarf and wellingtons.
She got on the bus and the bus driver said, “Mary Bottomly, you are a dream come true. A vision of beauty in a world of—”
She cuffed him on his cap and said, “Don’t bloody start, I’ve just had some cow heel and it’s made my bloody lips stick together like super glue.”
I said to the other two, “This is no place for artists. Look, why don’t we just get a Coke and catch the next bus back before—”
And then we saw Phil and Jack and…someone who was not Charlie, bowling towards us. I wish I had my jeans on, my legs were feeling very shy and exposed. They hadn’t been out much.
Phil whistled at us and said, “Oy oy!”
Jack and ‘the other one’ were grinning, but not saying anything. This might be a very long night, and I was already longing to be tucked up with my squirrel slippers.
Phil said, “This is Jack, you met him before on the bus, and this is Ben. Ben is excellent at all sorts of sport. Aren’t you, Ben?”
Ben was nodding and smiling now.
He had floppy hair and it was going up and down.
Ben was quite good looking, a bit on the floppy-hair side. But tall.
As we went along to the cinema the boys were walking ahead, sort of stopping and turning round and making jokes to each other.
Vaisey said quietly to me, “Lullah, can I have Jack?”
What is the right answer to that?
I said, “That would mean that I had Ben.”
And Vaisey said, “He’s quite tall.”
I said, “I KNOW he’s quite tall. Tallness isn’t everything.”
Jo said, “You can say that again. Don’t you like Ben?”
I said, “I don’t know.”
Then, as if he had heard us, Ben turned round and looked at me. Then he turned back and said something to Jack.
Oh God. Perhaps he was doing the same. Perhaps he was saying stuff about me.
I wanted to run away.
When we got to the cinema the boys paid for the tickets and we went into the dark. Phil chose a row of seats about middle way up. I could see there was a snoggers’ row at the back. At least Phil hadn’t chosen that row.
He went first and said to Jo, “Why don’t you sit next to me, in case I get fwightened?”
Jo giggled in a girlish, slightly hysterical way that I had never heard before. I hoped she wasn’t going to turn from a rufty tufty girl into an idiot.
Then Jack sat a couple of seats away from Jo and smiled at Vaisey. He patted the empty seat next to him.
So, that left me and Ben.
But Ben didn’t move.
Should I go and sit down? Or run out of the cinema?
Maybe he would run out of the cinema.
Or maybe go and sit miles away from me because he was so alarmed by my knees.
Perhaps if I fainted and—
Then Ben said, “Tallulah, why don’t you go in first? And then I can protect you.”
I hadn’t heard him speak before and his voice was a bit croaky.
I smiled and shook my hair and we went and sat down.
What was he going to be protecting me from?
A violent ice-cream lady?
Then the film began. Night of the Vampire Bats was very…what’s the right word? Batty. I wasn’t really watching it because I was so tense, I thought I might be sick. That would be attractive.
Ben was silent, and I daren’t catch his eye. I just held my head rigidly forward.
What was everyone else doing? I swivelled my eyes as far as they would go without moving my neck and could sort of see Phil and Jo in the flickering half-light.
I think Phil might have had his arm around Jo. But it could have been someone’s leg from the row behind. I couldn’t see Jack and Vaisey’s arms, but they could have been doing secret handy-holding.
Ben had his arm on the arm rest so I kept my hands in my lap. Should I move one hand closer to him so that it was more easily accessible?
Did I want him to hold my hand?
I didn’t know.
What I did know was that I didn’t want him to not want to hold my hand. If you see what I mean.
Halfway through the film and still nothing had happened. If I didn’t move my neck soon it would snap off.
Ben leaned towards me and said something so softly I couldn’t hear him.
I whispered back, “Sorry, what did you say?”
And I thought he said, “Do you want a squeeze?”
A squeeze.
Nobody had mentioned that to me before.
Was a squeeze the same as a hug?
Because hugging was what you did to teddies not girlfriends, wasn’t it?
I could sense him waiting for me to reply, so I said very quietly in his ear, or where I thought his ear might be under his floppy hair, “I don’t think I know you well enough.”
And then he said a bit more loudly, “They’re still in the bag, I haven’t touched them.”
Pardon?
And he held out a bag of Maltesers.
Did I want a Malteser.
I don’t know you well enough.
Oh goodie! Now he knows I’m tall and an idiot.
The cinema experience was the longest, tensest hour and a half of my life, so far.
When at last we came out of the cinema, we got chips and walked across to the bus stop to eat them. Because we were all holding the bags everyone’s hands were in full sight. So there was no arm-around business going on.
When the bus came, Mary Bottomly in the headscarf and wellingtons was driving. She had her headscarf on underneath her official cap. And she didn’t have a smiley jolly bus-driver face.
Phil led the way to the back of the bus and sat down in the window seat.
We followed him and when we got to the back seat, Phil said,