The Misadventures of Tallulah Casey 3-Book Collection: Withering Tights, A Midsummer Tights Dream and A Taming of the Tights. Louise Rennison
Summer School girls
Report to the main hall at 10.30 am
For assessment meeting.
Whoops.
This was all getting a bit scary.
We loped in with the others and sat down. Gudrun came on to the stage with a chair and a drum and started beating a rhythm. The lights flashed and I could see Bob half-concealed by the side curtains, at control centre. Well, the lighting desk. He was crouched over a keyboard, moving dials and waggling stuff like a man possessed. It was only then we recognised they were playing a reggae version of All Things Bright and Beautiful.
As the music reached a crescendo, Sidone appeared on stage, dressed in a suit and braces. She stood looking out at us.
Gudrun sidled off backwards with her drum as Sidone began to speak.
“Girls, my girls. You have been here now at Dother Hall for nearly two weeks, finding your feet. Although Madame Frances tells me that some of you have two left ones!”
She laughed softly.
We laughed. What were we laughing at? Was she talking about me?
Sidone continued. “Tranquil, mes enfants. Of course you have come here to experiment, to enjoy your art, but as I said, this is no life for the faint-hearted. There are no free rides on the people-carrier of Fame.”
Now she looked very serious indeed.
“Some of you will only have a single ticket, for you there will be no return journey.”
Offstage we heard someone fall over a drum and loud swearing.
Sidone paid no heed.
“Next week’s performance lunchtime marks the halfway period of your time here, and it is then that you will receive your assessment mark. This will go towards your final assessment. That is all.”
As she began to walk towards the wings, she spoke again.
“Be alert, keep notebooks, seek out beauty and art where you can. Look around you and remember some of the greatest works of literature were written in these rolling landscapes. Work, work until your feet bleed.”
As we surged out on our way to tap, all us summer school girls were jabbering away.
Vaisey said, “I wonder how many of us they keep on? I’ll die if I can’t stay.”
Jo said, “I don’t know what I will do, if I can’t come back.”
Flossie said, “I haven’t even thought what I would do, if I don’t get on.”
Neither had I.
But I was pretty sure I should be thinking. I had a horrible knot in my tummy.
As if the assessment thing wasn’t bad enough now we had another thing I had never done: tap.
I liked the little shoes we were given, with the tappy bits on. They made a nice noise.
Then Monty arrived. He said, “Madame Frances is indisposed, so I will be taking the tap class. We soldier on.”
Where do men get those far too short shorts from? Surely no shop would sell them. He did have long woolly legwarmers on too, but that is not the point.
Some of us, who hadn’t done tap before had to do ‘shuffle-ball change’ to ‘Bob the Builder’ for forty minutes with Monty doing it in front of us.
With actions and lots of shouting.
“No, no, Tallulah. Shuffle, dear, shuffle. Try not to let your knees knock. And lift your arms up, dear. Like so…oh, mind Milly’s head…are you alright, Milly? Up you get. Stand a bit further away from Tallulah, she’s longer than she realises.”
Vaisey, Honey, Jo, Flossie and the others who could do tap got into a huddle whilst Monty “left them to it”. At the end of the session they did a bit from a show called West Side Story to really fast music, where they were both rival gangs having a knife fight while tap dancing. It was amazing. Really tappy.
I was impressed by my new friends. They can actually do stuff.
At break we walked through the woods to our special tree.
I was dying to ask Jo what had happened with her and Phil.
When we sat down and got out our snacks, I said, “So what happened, then?”
And instead of answering, Jo was bouncing up and down on a tree trunk.
Just bouncing.
I said, “Did he kiss you?”
And she got up and ran around in a circle and then threw herself into a bush.
I said, “Can you just tell us in words what happened?”
And Jo got up on to a tree stump and started belting out, “I did it MYYYYYYYY WAY!!”
In the end, Vaisey and me grabbed hold of her and I said, “Will you tell us what happened?”
She said, “Well, you saw that he sat down and then, you know, said I should sit down, in case he got frightened. And we were sitting there, sort of watching the bats, only I wasn’t really watching the bats because I was too excited. In fact, I think I may of gone momentarily blind. Well, then I felt this thing in the dark. Snaking around my shoulders.”
Honey said, “The thnaking awound thing?”
Jo said, “Exactly. And it was his arm. At first it was on the back of the seat, but then it sort of snaked round my shoulders.”
Vaisey said, “Tallulah thought it was somebody’s leg.”
Jo said, “What sort of a person would put their leg round your shoulders? In the cinema?”
I said, “It’s only because I was squinty-eyed and couldn’t see properly.”
Jo said, “Anyway, you might not have noticed, but we held hands on the bus.”
I said, “All I noticed was you bouncing around on Phil’s knee and giggling.”
Jo said, “Well, it’s very soothing actually, sitting on someone’s knee and them jogging you about. I was thinking he could be Mr Darcy. And I could say, “Oh Mr Darcy, I fear you are making fun of a poor London girl not used to country ways.”
Vaisey said, quickly, “Well nothing much happened to me, but you tell, Lullah.”
I felt a bit red. And my legs were aching. Pray God it wasn’t growing pains.
Flossie said, “Go on. Tell.”
I said, “Well…you know when you have your first snog, and it feels like a tiny bat is barging around in your mouth? Well it felt like that.”
They just looked at me.
Then Jo said, “Anyway, can I get on to serious stuff? Phil walked back to Dother Hall with me. It was a dark, soft night, the moon blushing in the sky.” She was leaning against the tree. Lost in Loveland.
“As we drew near to the gates of Dother Hall the old bell in the belfry rang out. I said, ‘I must go in, it’s nigh on ten of the clock.’ He half-turned away from me, his jacket collar hiding his expression. Was he angry? Disappointed?”
Jo looked intently and I said, “Hungry?”
Jo ignored me, but as she passed by acting out walking away from Phil, she allowed her hand to slap against my head.
“As I turned to enter the gates, feeling shaken and weak, I felt his hand on my arm.” She mimed feeling his hand on her arm.
Flossie said, “It wasn’t Bob, was it, out for a late-night-rubbish run?”
Jo slapped her on her