Songs of a Savoyard. William Schwenck Gilbert

      Oh, foolish fay,

      Think you because

      Man's brave array

      My bosom thaws

      I'd disobey

      Our fairy laws?

      Because I fly

      In realms above,

      In tendency

      To fall in love

      Resemble I

      The amorous dove?

      Oh, amorous dove!

      Type of Ovidius Naso!

      This heart of mine

      Is soft as thine,

      Although I dare not say so!

      On fire that glows

      With heat intense

      I turn the hose

      Of Common Sense,

      And out it goes

      At small expense!

      We must maintain

      Our fairy law;

      That is the main

      On which to draw -

      In that we gain

      A Captain Shaw.

      Oh, Captain Shaw!

      Type of true love kept under!

      Could thy Brigade

      With cold cascade

      Quench my great love, I wonder!

      Is life a boon?

      If so, it must befall

      That Death, whene'er he call,

      Must call too soon.

      Though fourscore years he give

      Yet one would pray to live

      Another moon!

      What kind of plaint have I,

      Who perish in July?

      I might have had to die

      Perchance in June!

      Is life a thorn?

      Then count it not a whit!

      Man is well done with it;

      Soon as he's born

      He should all means essay

      To put the plague away;

      And I, war-worn,

      Poor captured fugitive,

      My life most gladly give -

      I might have had to live

      Another morn!

      I am the very pattern of a modern Major-Gineral,

      I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral;

      I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,

      From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;

      I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

      I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical;

      About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,

      With interesting facts about the square of the hypotenuse,

      I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,

      I know the scientific names of beings animalculous.

      In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

      I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

      I know our mythic history – KING ARTHUR'S and SIR CARADOC'S,

      I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox;

      I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of HELIOGABALUS,

      In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous.

      I tell undoubted RAPHAELS from GERARD DOWS and ZOFFANIES,

      I know the croaking chorus from the "Frogs" of ARISTOPHANES;

      Then I can hum a fugue, of which I've heard the music's din afore,

      And whistle all the airs from that confounded nonsense "Pinafore."

      Then I can write a washing-bill in Babylonic cuneiform,

      And tell you every detail of CARACTACUS'S uniform.

      In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,

      I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.

      In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin,"

      When I can tell at sight a Chassepot rifle from a javelin,

      When such affairs as SORTIES and surprises I'm more wary at,

      And when I know precisely what is meant by Commissariat,

      When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,

      When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery,

      In short, when I've a smattering of elementary strategy,

      You'll say a better Major-GenerAL has never SAT a gee -

      For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,

      Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century.

      But still in learning vegetable, animal, and mineral,

      I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral!